Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Read the passage below: 


Danny and Sandra went apple-picking last weekend at Plump and Juicy Orchards. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. Sandra was determined to find the five juiciest apples because she wanted to bake an apple crisp. ________________. However, he did not expect that it would take them over three hours of searching. Sandra was pretty picky, but Danny was sure that only meant that this apple crisp was going to be the best one he's ever had.


Which sentence should be inserted into the blank?

(A) Danny knew that Sandra was an amazing baker, he said he would go along with the plan.
(B) Danny was willing to help her; since apple crisps were his absolute favorite dessert.
(C) Danny really liked the taste of baked apples so he was willing to along with the plan.
(D) Danny was willing to go along with this plan; he really liked the taste of baked apples.

Time to play Where's Waldo! Can you spot the error in this passage? 

I thought I saw Waldo in various places, including New York City, New York; and Miami, Florida. Then I realized that maybe they were just regular people who like to wear red-and-white-striped shirts, matching hats, and round-rimmed glasses. It's not the outfit I would pick; horizontal stripes don't flatter my figure. However, I do appreciate people who dare to be different.

(A) New York;
(B) shirts, matching hats,
(C) pick;
(D) No error

Which of the following sentences is grammatically incorrect?

(A) We could buy mom the red F-150 she has always wanted; or a baby blue convertible because I don't think muscle cars are truly her style.
(B) Neither Kat nor Kit felt any bit upset; they had never liked the stinky rat their dad bought them anyway.
(C) I searched the dance floor multiple times, but I fear that my great-grandmother's ruby ring is lost forever at Discos-R-Us.
(D) The little boy wondered if eating too many oranges would turn his skin orange; he really liked eating oranges.

Which of the following has incorrect punctuation?

(A) You wouldn't dare use my last pink glitter pen, would you? You know that's my favorite kind!
(B) Dave's in Las Vegas? That's interesting. His boss thinks he has the measles.
(C) I wonder why Joan didn't want to come over for Thanksgiving? Tofurky is delicious!
(D) How did the chicken get upstairs? Weren't you supposed to close his coop last night?

You could write this statement multiple ways. Which of the following is NOT one of those options? 


Everyone wondered who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions.


(A) The question at hand is, who keeps putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(B) The question at hand is, Who keeps putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(C) One question remained: who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(D) The question on everyone's mind: who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?

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