Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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In terms of punctuation, which of the following sentences is most grammatically sound?

(A) Because my brother has to wear sports goggles (everyone calls him laser beam).
(B) I know exactly which page of my diary contains my deepest secrets, but I'm not telling you (132).
(A) She wanted to continue (playing dress up), but her mom thought fourteen was a little too old.
(D) All the children loved the entertainment at the birthday party (Giggles the clown).

Which sentence is grammatically correct?

(A) The merchant said, "Sir Knight, if you like the armor I have made, please tell others, 'I got it from Andrew's Awesome Armory.'"
(B) The jousting tournament began in earnest when the king announced, "Jousters, to the ready. Let the games begin"!
(C) The first contestant wanted to yell, "Die, festering scum," but settled for 'yeehaw' instead.
(D) The lovely royal ladies all giggled when the handsome knight asked, "Which fair lass would like to accompany me to the ball tonight"?

Which of the following options has incorrect punctuation?

(A) As identical twins, Anna and Annie's fashion sense could not be more similar, making it virtually impossible to tell them apart.
(B) I grew up in the city, and my boyfriend grew up on a farm. Let's just say that Willard's and my approaches to life contrast significantly.
(C) The remaining two people on the team had to split a sandwich, but Yesenia and Judy's taste buds were no match made in heaven.
(D) Grandpa went to the doctor yesterday, and thankfully for the doctor, his and Pa's opinions matched up quite well.

The following passage contains an error. What should you do to fix it?


Gloria's flight was due to arrive at 11:45 am, but they had to circle the airport due to weather. When she finally met us at baggage claim, Gloria was exhausted. Her hair was a mess, her cardigan was on inside out, and she was babbling incoherently about Skymall. It was clear that seven hours' worth of canned air, crying babies, and tiny bags of pretzels had driven her insane.


(A) put periods after a and m
(B) capitalize baggage claim
(C) don't capitalize Skymall
(D) take out the apostrophe after hours

Identify the error in this excerpt from an email:


I just talked to Mr. Murphy on the phone. He wanted to leave a message for you. He said, "If my tax return is not completed by Friday, I am taking my money elsewhere." He sounded extremely angry- maybe you should stop procrastinating on that return.


(A) said, "If
(B) Friday, I am
(C) angry- maybe
(D) No error.

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