Character Analysis
Sure this is a young adult novel, but who says growing up is only for kids? Uhmma may be an adult, but she's got some growing and changing to do, and much to her credit, that's exactly what she does.
Uhmma goes from submissive wife of an abusive husband to empowered single mom… and all while taking care of two kids, working a low-paying job, and learning how to live in a foreign country. Just one of those things would be impressive in its own right, but Uhmma ultimately nails them all.
Eating Humble Pie
Uhmma also happens to be honest, responsible, hard-working, compassionate, and humble. Seems perfect right? In fact, even though humility is probably her greatest virtue, it's also maybe her greatest weakness.
It's her humility that keeps her with Apa and allows her to make excuses for him. After one of the times he beats her, Uhmma tells Young Ju:
He was so different when we first met… He is still very upset over the death of your Halmoni… Your life can be different, Young Ju. Study and be strong. In America, women have choices. (26.63-65)
She says all of this without thinking of herself as one of those women who "have choices," who might have a chance at a "different" life.
But if humility is a weakness, it's also a major strength in Uhmma's character because it's what allows her to recognize when she's wrong. In fact, she's so humble, she's even willing to apologize to Young Ju for wrongly blaming her over Apa's absence:
I said things that are not true. I blamed you for my mistake. Uhmma shakes her head. I blamed you for trying to save me… Now it is my turn to do the right thing for you. For us. I told Gomo that we could take care of ourselves. My strong children and I will be fine without Apa. (29.27-29)
Pretty amazing, right? Say what you will about Uhmma as a victim and battered woman, but she definitely knows how to make a sincere apology. Without her, we're guessing the book wouldn't be nearly as much of a tearjerker as it is.
We'll just add, too, that it's her humility that allows her to see when she needs to make a change for herself and her kids. So it makes sense that her downfall is also her saving grace.
Uhmma, the Sage
Okay sure—it takes Uhmma a really long time to give up her abusive husband, but that whole process of becoming a single mom is what gives her the wise quality of an old person who's experienced a ton, and as such, knows a lot.
That's why, when she tells Young Ju that "These are my hands" (31.19), it seems so deep (and it is). She means that even though her hands show all these battle scars from all her difficult years, she wouldn't do without those scars because they're who she is.
Hers is a really hard-earned wisdom because Uhmma's definitely not this wise at the beginning of the novel, when she tells Young Ju how important it is to "look like a real Mi Gook girl" (5.39) with curly hair.
In fact, Uhmma's lack of savvy for much of the book is what makes Young Ju seem like the deep, wise one, the one who tells her mother to stop making excuses for Apa's abusive behavior and who tells Uhmma "You have choices" (26.66).
So when Uhmma finally decides to let Apa go out of their lives for good, it's almost like the cosmic order of the novel has returned: finally Uhmma's the mother, and Young Ju's the daughter. Therefore, at the end of the book Uhmma's the one with all the wisdom, and Young Ju gets to be the kid again.
Uhmma's decision to survive as a single mother is also what gives her speech about how Young Ju and Apa are both "dreamers" a lot more gravitas than it might otherwise have. Because she chooses to do the right thing by her kids, it's almost like the author graduates her to Obi-wan-kenobi status, which automatically makes Young Ju (and us) listen to her. How else is she able to get Young Ju to take a picture of Apa with her to college and signal to Young Ju that Apa is still a part of her family, even if a difficult part?
This moment with the picture indicates that Young Ju has some mad respect from her mama—all of which Uhmma completely deserves by the end of the book.
Uhmma's Timeline