The Two Gentlemen of Verona: Act 2, Scene 1 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 2, Scene 1 of The Two Gentlemen of Verona from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

  Original Text

 Translated Text

  Source: Folger Shakespeare Library

Enter Valentine and Speed, carrying a glove.

SPEED
Sir, your glove.

VALENTINE Not mine. My gloves are on.

SPEED
Why, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.

VALENTINE
Ha? Let me see. Ay, give it me, it’s mine.
Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine! 5
Ah, Sylvia, Sylvia!

SPEED, calling Madam Sylvia! Madam Sylvia!

VALENTINE How now, sirrah?

SPEED She is not within hearing, sir.

VALENTINE Why, sir, who bade you call her? 10

SPEED Your Worship, sir, or else I mistook.

VALENTINE Well, you’ll still be too forward.

SPEED And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.

VALENTINE Go to, sir. Tell me, do you know Madam
Sylvia? 15

SPEED She that your Worship loves?

VALENTINE Why, how know you that I am in love?

SPEED Marry, by these special marks: first, you have
learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreathe your arms like
a malcontent; to relish a love song like a robin 20
redbreast; to walk alone like one that had the
pestilence; to sigh like a schoolboy that had lost his
ABC; to weep like a young wench that had buried
her grandam; to fast like one that takes diet; to
watch like one that fears robbing; to speak puling 25
like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when
you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked,
to walk like one of the lions. When you fasted, it was
presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it
was for want of money. And now you are metamorphosed 30
with a mistress, that when I look on you, I
can hardly think you my master.

VALENTINE Are all these things perceived in me?

SPEED They are all perceived without you.

VALENTINE Without me? They cannot. 35

SPEED Without you? Nay, that’s certain, for without
you were so simple, none else would. But you are so
without these follies, that these follies are within
you and shine through you like the water in an
urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a 40
physician to comment on your malady.

VALENTINE But tell me, dost thou know my Lady
Sylvia?

SPEED She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?

VALENTINE Hast thou observed that? Even she I mean. 45

SPEED Why, sir, I know her not.

VALENTINE Dost thou know her by my gazing on her
and yet know’st her not?

SPEED Is she not hard-favored, sir?

VALENTINE Not so fair, boy, as well-favored. 50

SPEED Sir, I know that well enough.

VALENTINE What dost thou know?

SPEED That she is not so fair as, of you, well-favored.

VALENTINE I mean that her beauty is exquisite but her
favor infinite. 55

SPEED That’s because the one is painted, and the other
out of all count.

VALENTINE How painted? And how out of count?

SPEED Marry, sir, so painted to make her fair, that no
man counts of her beauty. 60

VALENTINE How esteem’st thou me? I account of her
beauty.

SPEED You never saw her since she was deformed.

VALENTINE How long hath she been deformed?

SPEED Ever since you loved her. 65

VALENTINE I have loved her ever since I saw her, and
still I see her beautiful.

SPEED If you love her, you cannot see her.

VALENTINE Why?

SPEED Because love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes, 70
or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to
have when you chid at Sir Proteus for going
ungartered!

VALENTINE What should I see then?

SPEED Your own present folly and her passing deformity; 75
for he, being in love, could not see to garter his
hose, and you, being in love, cannot see to put on
your hose.

VALENTINE Belike, boy, then you are in love, for last
morning you could not see to wipe my shoes. 80

SPEED True, sir, I was in love with my bed. I thank you,
you swinged me for my love, which makes me the
bolder to chide you for yours.

VALENTINE In conclusion, I stand affected to her.

SPEED I would you were set, so your affection would 85
cease.

VALENTINE Last night she enjoined me to write some
lines to one she loves.

SPEED And have you?

VALENTINE I have. 90

SPEED Are they not lamely writ?

VALENTINE No, boy, but as well as I can do them.
Peace, here she comes.

Back in Milan, Speed helps Valentine put on his gloves and finds a third glove that belongs to Sylvia—the girl with whom Valentine has recently fallen head over heels in love.

Speed teases Valentine about his crush and says that Valentine's been moping around like a lovesick puppy: sighing, folding his arms, singing love songs, refusing to eat, and crying like a girl weeping over her dead grandmother (he seriously says that).

Then Speed proceeds to insult Valentine and Sylvia by implying that Sylvia is ugly but Valentine thinks she's beautiful because he's wearing love goggles.

Regardless, Valentine says he definitely likes her. And last night she asked him to write a love letter to someone she loves. Speed asks him if he did it, and Valentine says he did the best he could. 

Enter Sylvia.

SPEED, aside O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet!
Now will he interpret to her. 95

VALENTINE Madam and mistress, a thousand
good-morrows.

SPEED, aside O, give ye good ev’n! Here’s a million of
manners.

SYLVIA Sir Valentine, and servant, to you two 100
thousand.

SPEED, aside He should give her interest, and she
gives it him.

VALENTINE
As you enjoined me, I have writ your letter
Unto the secret, nameless friend of yours, 105
Which I was much unwilling to proceed in
But for my duty to your Ladyship.

He gives her a paper.

SYLVIA
I thank you, gentle servant, ’tis very clerkly done.

VALENTINE
Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off,
For, being ignorant to whom it goes, 110
I writ at random, very doubtfully.

SYLVIA
Perchance you think too much of so much pains?

VALENTINE
No, madam. So it stead you, I will write,
Please you command, a thousand times as much,
And yet— 115

SYLVIA
A pretty period. Well, I guess the sequel;
And yet I will not name it And yet I care not.
And yet take this again.

She holds out the paper.

And yet I thank you,
Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more. 120

SPEED, aside
And yet you will; and yet another “yet.”

VALENTINE
What means your Ladyship? Do you not like it?

SYLVIA
Yes, yes, the lines are very quaintly writ,
But, since unwillingly, take them again.
Nay, take them. 125

She again offers him the paper. 

VALENTINE Madam, they are for you.

SYLVIA
Ay, ay. You writ them, sir, at my request,
But I will none of them. They are for you.
I would have had them writ more movingly.

VALENTINE, taking the paper
Please you, I’ll write your Ladyship another. 130

SYLVIA
And when it’s writ, for my sake read it over,
And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.

VALENTINE If it please me, madam? What then?

SYLVIA
Why, if it please you, take it for your labor.
And so good-morrow, servant.  135

Sylvia exits.

Sylvia enters and lovelorn Valentine proceeds to shower her with compliments. She returns the affection, which Speed notices, though it seems to go over Valentine's head. 

Valentine says he wrote the love letter for her, but he didn't like writing to someone he doesn't know on her behalf. In fact, he wouldn't have done it, but because she asked, he couldn't say no. 

Sylvia reads the letter and is disappointed with how unemotional it is. Valentine, the goofball, didn't get that she was flirting and asking him to write the letter to himself. From her. With lots of gooey love. 

She shoves the letter back at Valentine, telling him to try again—this time, the letter should be more passionate. 

When he's done writing, he should read it over and make sure it pleases him. Valentine still doesn't get it. Why should the letter please him when it's being written for some anonymous bloke?

SPEED, aside
O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible
As a nose on a man’s face, or a weathercock on a
steeple!
My master sues to her, and she hath taught her
suitor, 140
He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
O excellent device! Was there ever heard a better?
That my master, being scribe, to himself should
write the letter?

VALENTINE How now, sir? What, are you reasoning 145
with yourself?

SPEED Nay, I was rhyming. ’Tis you that have the
reason.

VALENTINE To do what?

SPEED To be a spokesman from Madam Sylvia. 150

VALENTINE To whom?

SPEED To yourself. Why, she woos you by a figure.

VALENTINE What figure?

SPEED By a letter, I should say.

VALENTINE Why, she hath not writ to me! 155

SPEED What need she when she hath made you write
to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest?

VALENTINE No, believe me.

SPEED No believing you indeed, sir. But did you perceive
her earnest? 160

VALENTINE She gave me none, except an angry word.

SPEED Why, she hath given you a letter.

VALENTINE That’s the letter I writ to her friend.

SPEED And that letter hath she delivered, and there an
end. 165

VALENTINE I would it were no worse.

SPEED I’ll warrant you, ’tis as well.
For often have you writ to her, and she, in modesty
Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply,
Or fearing else some messenger that might her 170
mind discover,
Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto
her lover.
All this I speak in print, for in print I found it. Why
muse you, sir? ’Tis dinnertime. 175

VALENTINE I have dined.

SPEED Ay, but hearken, sir, though the chameleon love
can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by
my victuals and would fain have meat. O, be not like
your mistress! Be moved, be moved. 180

They exit.

Poor Valentine continues to be baffled by Sylvia's behavior until Speed explains why Sylvia is so upset. 

He says that Valentine has written to Sylvia, sure, but she may not be able to write back—either because she doesn't have time, because she's too modest, or because she's worried that a messenger would read her letter and her reputation would be ruined. So...she's been very clever in getting Valentine to write to himself (except that Valentine has been a bit slow to pick up on her strategy). 

Speed announces it's dinner time, but Valentine isn't hungry. He's full of love. Speed says that's great, buddy, but I need real food. So they go.