The Two Gentlemen of Verona: Act 3, Scene 1 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 3, Scene 1 of The Two Gentlemen of Verona from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text	Translated Text
Source: Folger Shakespeare Library
Enter Duke, Thurio, and Proteus. DUKE Sir Thurio, give us leave, I pray, awhile; We have some secrets to confer about. Thurio exits. Now tell me, Proteus, what’s your will with me? PROTEUS My gracious lord, that which I would discover The law of friendship bids me to conceal, 5 But when I call to mind your gracious favors Done to me, undeserving as I am, My duty pricks me on to utter that Which else no worldly good should draw from me. Know, worthy prince, Sir Valentine my friend 10 This night intends to steal away your daughter; Myself am one made privy to the plot. I know you have determined to bestow her On Thurio, whom your gentle daughter hates, And should she thus be stol’n away from you, 15 It would be much vexation to your age. Thus, for my duty’s sake, I rather chose To cross my friend in his intended drift Than, by concealing it, heap on your head A pack of sorrows which would press you down, 20 Being unprevented, to your timeless grave. DUKE Proteus, I thank thee for thine honest care, Which to requite command me while I live. This love of theirs myself have often seen, Haply when they have judged me fast asleep, 25 And oftentimes have purposed to forbid Sir Valentine her company and my court. But fearing lest my jealous aim might err And so, unworthily, disgrace the man— A rashness that I ever yet have shunned— 30 I gave him gentle looks, thereby to find That which thyself hast now disclosed to me. And that thou mayst perceive my fear of this, Knowing that tender youth is soon suggested, I nightly lodge her in an upper tower, 35 The key whereof myself have ever kept, And thence she cannot be conveyed away. PROTEUS Know, noble lord, they have devised a mean How he her chamber-window will ascend And with a corded ladder fetch her down; 40 For which the youthful lover now is gone, And this way comes he with it presently, Where, if it please you, you may intercept him. But, good my lord, do it so cunningly That my discovery be not aimèd at; 45 For love of you, not hate unto my friend, Hath made me publisher of this pretense. DUKE Upon mine honor, he shall never know That I had any light from thee of this. PROTEUS Adieu, my lord. Sir Valentine is coming. 50 Proteus exits.	In Milan, the Duke sends Thurio out of the room so he can have a private conversation with Proteus. Proteus then tattles on Valentine for planning to elope with the Duke's daughter. What's worse, Proteus acts like he's betraying Valentine's confidence because the Duke has been such a generous host. We get confirmation that the Duke wants Silvia to marry Thurio and that he has suspected all along that his daughter is secretly dating Valentine. Proteus asks the Duke not to tell Valentine where he got his information and runs out of the room when he sees Valentine coming.
Enter Valentine. DUKE Sir Valentine, whither away so fast? VALENTINE Please it your Grace, there is a messenger That stays to bear my letters to my friends, And I am going to deliver them. DUKE Be they of much import? 55 VALENTINE The tenor of them doth but signify My health and happy being at your court. DUKE Nay then, no matter. Stay with me awhile; I am to break with thee of some affairs That touch me near, wherein thou must be secret. 60 ’Tis not unknown to thee that I have sought To match my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter. VALENTINE I know it well, my lord, and sure the match Were rich and honorable. Besides, the gentleman Is full of virtue, bounty, worth, and qualities 65 Beseeming such a wife as your fair daughter. Cannot your Grace win her to fancy him? DUKE No. Trust me, she is peevish, sullen, froward, Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty, Neither regarding that she is my child 70 Nor fearing me as if I were her father; And may I say to thee, this pride of hers, Upon advice, hath drawn my love from her, And where I thought the remnant of mine age Should have been cherished by her childlike duty, 75 I now am full resolved to take a wife And turn her out to who will take her in. Then let her beauty be her wedding dower, For me and my possessions she esteems not. VALENTINE What would your Grace have me to do in this? 80 DUKE There is a lady in Verona here Whom I affect; but she is nice, and coy, And nought esteems my agèd eloquence. Now therefore would I have thee to my tutor— For long agone I have forgot to court; 85 Besides, the fashion of the time is changed— How and which way I may bestow myself To be regarded in her sun-bright eye. VALENTINE Win her with gifts if she respect not words; Dumb jewels often in their silent kind 90 More than quick words do move a woman’s mind. DUKE But she did scorn a present that I sent her. VALENTINE A woman sometime scorns what best contents her. Send her another; never give her o’er, For scorn at first makes after-love the more. 95 If she do frown, ’tis not in hate of you, But rather to beget more love in you. If she do chide, ’tis not to have you gone, Forwhy the fools are mad if left alone. Take no repulse, whatever she doth say; 100 For “get you gone” she doth not mean “away.” Flatter and praise, commend, extol their graces; Though ne’er so black, say they have angels’ faces. That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man If with his tongue he cannot win a woman. 105 DUKE But she I mean is promised by her friends Unto a youthful gentleman of worth And kept severely from resort of men, That no man hath access by day to her. VALENTINE Why, then, I would resort to her by night. 110 DUKE Ay, but the doors be locked and keys kept safe, That no man hath recourse to her by night. VALENTINE What lets but one may enter at her window? DUKE Her chamber is aloft, far from the ground, And built so shelving that one cannot climb it 115 Without apparent hazard of his life. VALENTINE Why, then a ladder quaintly made of cords To cast up, with a pair of anchoring hooks, Would serve to scale another Hero’s tower, So bold Leander would adventure it. 120 DUKE Now, as thou art a gentleman of blood, Advise me where I may have such a ladder. VALENTINE When would you use it? Pray sir, tell me that. DUKE This very night; for love is like a child That longs for everything that he can come by. 125 VALENTINE By seven o’clock I’ll get you such a ladder.	Valentine is on his way to Sylvia's window but the Duke stalls him. The Duke says Sylvia's a disobedient child and he's thinking of turning her out onto the streets without a dowry. That doesn't scare off Valentine so the Duke resorts to lying about being in love with a woman who is engaged to another man. Valentine advises him to elope with her, which basically confirms his own intentions to elope with Silvia. Then Valentine goes one step further and says he knows where the Duke can get a nice ladder to help him steal away with his lady.
Enter Proteus and Lance. PROTEUS Run, boy, run, run, and seek him out. LANCE So-ho, so-ho! PROTEUS What seest thou? LANCE Him we go to find. There’s not a hair on ’s head 195 but ’tis a Valentine. PROTEUS Valentine? VALENTINE No. PROTEUS Who then? His spirit? VALENTINE Neither. 200 PROTEUS What then? VALENTINE Nothing. LANCE Can nothing speak? Master, shall I strike? PROTEUS Who wouldst thou strike? LANCE Nothing. 205 PROTEUS Villain, forbear. LANCE Why, sir, I’ll strike nothing. I pray you— PROTEUS Sirrah, I say forbear.—Friend Valentine, a word. VALENTINE My ears are stopped and cannot hear good news, So much of bad already hath possessed them. 210 PROTEUS Then in dumb silence will I bury mine, For they are harsh, untunable, and bad. VALENTINE Is Sylvia dead? PROTEUS No, Valentine. VALENTINE No Valentine indeed for sacred Sylvia. 215 Hath she forsworn me? PROTEUS No, Valentine. VALENTINE No Valentine if Sylvia have forsworn me. What is your news? LANCE Sir, there is a proclamation that you are 220 vanished. PROTEUS That thou art banishèd—O, that’s the news— From hence, from Sylvia, and from me thy friend. VALENTINE O, I have fed upon this woe already, And now excess of it will make me surfeit. 225 Doth Sylvia know that I am banishèd? PROTEUS Ay, ay, and she hath offered to the doom— Which unreversed stands in effectual force— A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears; Those at her father’s churlish feet she tendered, 230 With them, upon her knees, her humble self, Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became them As if but now they waxèd pale for woe. But neither bended knees, pure hands held up, 235 Sad sighs, deep groans, nor silver-shedding tears Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire; But Valentine, if he be ta’en, must die. Besides, her intercession chafed him so, When she for thy repeal was suppliant, 240 That to close prison he commanded her With many bitter threats of biding there. VALENTINE No more, unless the next word that thou speak’st Have some malignant power upon my life. If so, I pray thee breathe it in mine ear 245 As ending anthem of my endless dolor. PROTEUS Cease to lament for that thou canst not help, And study help for that which thou lament’st. Time is the nurse and breeder of all good. Here, if thou stay, thou canst not see thy love; 250 Besides, thy staying will abridge thy life. Hope is a lover’s staff; walk hence with that And manage it against despairing thoughts. Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence, Which, being writ to me, shall be delivered 255 Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love. The time now serves not to expostulate. Come, I’ll convey thee through the city gate And, ere I part with thee, confer at large Of all that may concern thy love affairs. 260 As thou lov’st Sylvia, though not for thyself, Regard thy danger, and along with me. VALENTINE I pray thee, Lance, an if thou seest my boy, Bid him make haste and meet me at the North Gate. 265 PROTEUS Go, sirrah, find him out.—Come, Valentine. VALENTINE O, my dear Sylvia! Hapless Valentine! Valentine and Proteus exit.	Proteus and Lance run in and Proteus delivers some bad news: Valentine has been banished. If he's caught in the Duke's court, he'll be put to death. Proteus says that Sylvia begged her father to relent but the Duke wasn't hearing any of it. Proteus, who wants Sylvia all for himself, advises Valentine to flee. He offers to deliver Valentine's love letters to Sylvia, since he's such a great friend and all. Valentine is crushed. Proteus offers to escort Valentine to the city limits. (What a good friend.)
LANCE I am but a fool, look you, and yet I have the wit to think my master is a kind of a knave, but that’s all one if he be but one knave. He lives not now that 270 knows me to be in love, yet I am in love, but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me, nor who ’tis I love; and yet ’tis a woman, but what woman I will not tell myself; and yet ’tis a milk-maid; yet ’tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips; yet ’tis a maid, for 275 she is her master’s maid and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water spaniel, which is much in a bare Christian. He takes out a piece of paper. Here is the catalog of her condition. (Reads.) "Imprimis, She can fetch and carry." Why, a 280 horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch but only carry; therefore is she better than a jade. (Reads.) "Item, She can milk." Look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. Enter Speed. SPEED How now, Signior Lance? What news with your 285 Mastership? LANCE With my master’s ship? Why, it is at sea. SPEED Well, your old vice still: mistake the word. What news, then, in your paper? LANCE The black’st news that ever thou heard’st. 290 SPEED Why, man? How black? LANCE Why, as black as ink. SPEED Let me read them. LANCE Fie on thee, jolt-head, thou canst not read. SPEED Thou liest. I can. 295 LANCE I will try thee. Tell me this, who begot thee? SPEED Marry, the son of my grandfather. LANCE O, illiterate loiterer, it was the son of thy grandmother. This proves that thou canst not read. SPEED Come, fool, come. Try me in thy paper. 300 LANCE, giving him the paper There, and Saint Nicholas be thy speed. SPEED reads "Imprimis, She can milk." LANCE Ay, that she can. SPEED "Item, She brews good ale." 305 LANCE And thereof comes the proverb: “Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale.” SPEED "Item, She can sew." LANCE That’s as much as to say “Can she so?” SPEED "Item, She can knit." 310 LANCE What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock? SPEED "Item, She can wash and scour." LANCE A special virtue, for then she need not be washed and scoured. 315 SPEED "Item, She can spin." LANCE Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living. SPEED "Item, She hath many nameless virtues." LANCE That’s as much as to say “bastard virtues,” that 320 indeed know not their fathers and therefore have no names. SPEED Here follow her vices. LANCE Close at the heels of her virtues. SPEED "Item, She is not to be kissed fasting in respect of 325 her breath." LANCE Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on. SPEED "Item, She hath a sweet mouth." LANCE That makes amends for her sour breath. 330 SPEED "Item, She doth talk in her sleep." LANCE It’s no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk. SPEED "Item, She is slow in words." LANCE O villain, that set this down among her vices! To 335 be slow in words is a woman’s only virtue. I pray thee, out with ’t, and place it for her chief virtue. SPEED "Item, She is proud." LANCE Out with that too; it was Eve’s legacy and cannot be ta’en from her. 340 SPEED "Item, She hath no teeth." LANCE I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. SPEED "Item, She is curst." LANCE Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. SPEED "Item, She will often praise her liquor." 345 LANCE If her liquor be good, she shall; if she will not, I will, for good things should be praised. SPEED "Item, She is too liberal." LANCE Of her tongue she cannot, for that’s writ down she is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that I’ll 350 keep shut; now, of another thing she may, and that cannot I help. Well, proceed. SPEED "Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults." LANCE Stop there. I’ll have her. She was mine and not 355 mine twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse that once more. SPEED "Item, She hath more hair than wit." LANCE “More hair than wit”? It may be; I’ll prove it: the cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is 360 more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit is more than the wit, for the greater hides the less. What’s next? SPEED And more faults than hairs. LANCE That’s monstrous! O, that that were out! 365 SPEED And more wealth than faults. LANCE Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well, I’ll have her, and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible— SPEED What then? 370 LANCE Why, then will I tell thee that thy master stays for thee at the North Gate. SPEED For me? LANCE For thee? Ay, who art thou? He hath stayed for a better man than thee. 375 SPEED And must I go to him? LANCE Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long that going will scarce serve the turn. SPEED, handing him the paper Why didst not tell me sooner? Pox of your love letters! 380 He exits. LANCE Now will he be swinged for reading my letter; an unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into secrets. I’ll after, to rejoice in the boy’s correction. He exits.	Lance remains on stage alone. He admits to the audience that he's fallen in love with an unnamed woman and then makes a ridiculous list of her excellent traits: she's better than a hunting dog and a horse because she can do chores around the house. (If you want to know what we think of this, check out Marriage Quotes.) Speed enters and helps Lance with his list of the mystery woman's virtues and vices. Lance and Speed argue about whether or not her "slowness in words" should be listed as a "vice" or a "virtue." (This is a sexist joke since the so-called ideal woman was supposed to be virtuous, obedient, and silent.) After wasting a ton of Speed's time, Lance tells him that his master is waiting for him. He adds that Speed better hurry, because it's been a while since he's master called for him. Speed snaps at Lance for not telling him sooner and then runs off to meet Valentine.

Original Text

Translated Text

Enter Duke, Thurio, and Proteus.

DUKE
Sir Thurio, give us leave, I pray, awhile;
We have some secrets to confer about.

Thurio exits.

Now tell me, Proteus, what’s your will with me?

PROTEUS
My gracious lord, that which I would discover
The law of friendship bids me to conceal, 5
But when I call to mind your gracious favors
Done to me, undeserving as I am,
My duty pricks me on to utter that
Which else no worldly good should draw from me.
Know, worthy prince, Sir Valentine my friend 10
This night intends to steal away your daughter;
Myself am one made privy to the plot.
I know you have determined to bestow her
On Thurio, whom your gentle daughter hates,
And should she thus be stol’n away from you, 15
It would be much vexation to your age.
Thus, for my duty’s sake, I rather chose
To cross my friend in his intended drift
Than, by concealing it, heap on your head
A pack of sorrows which would press you down, 20
Being unprevented, to your timeless grave.

DUKE
Proteus, I thank thee for thine honest care,
Which to requite command me while I live.
This love of theirs myself have often seen,
Haply when they have judged me fast asleep, 25
And oftentimes have purposed to forbid
Sir Valentine her company and my court.
But fearing lest my jealous aim might err
And so, unworthily, disgrace the man—
A rashness that I ever yet have shunned— 30
I gave him gentle looks, thereby to find
That which thyself hast now disclosed to me.
And that thou mayst perceive my fear of this,
Knowing that tender youth is soon suggested,
I nightly lodge her in an upper tower, 35
The key whereof myself have ever kept,
And thence she cannot be conveyed away.

PROTEUS
Know, noble lord, they have devised a mean
How he her chamber-window will ascend
And with a corded ladder fetch her down; 40
For which the youthful lover now is gone,
And this way comes he with it presently,
Where, if it please you, you may intercept him.
But, good my lord, do it so cunningly
That my discovery be not aimèd at; 45
For love of you, not hate unto my friend,
Hath made me publisher of this pretense.

DUKE
Upon mine honor, he shall never know
That I had any light from thee of this.

PROTEUS
Adieu, my lord. Sir Valentine is coming. 50

Proteus exits.

In Milan, the Duke sends Thurio out of the room so he can have a private conversation with Proteus.

Proteus then tattles on Valentine for planning to elope with the Duke's daughter. What's worse, Proteus acts like he's betraying Valentine's confidence because the Duke has been such a generous host.

We get confirmation that the Duke wants Silvia to marry Thurio and that he has suspected all along that his daughter is secretly dating Valentine.

Proteus asks the Duke not to tell Valentine where he got his information and runs out of the room when he sees Valentine coming.

Enter Valentine.

DUKE
Sir Valentine, whither away so fast?

VALENTINE
Please it your Grace, there is a messenger
That stays to bear my letters to my friends,
And I am going to deliver them.

DUKE Be they of much import? 55

VALENTINE
The tenor of them doth but signify
My health and happy being at your court.

DUKE
Nay then, no matter. Stay with me awhile;
I am to break with thee of some affairs
That touch me near, wherein thou must be secret. 60
’Tis not unknown to thee that I have sought
To match my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter.

VALENTINE
I know it well, my lord, and sure the match
Were rich and honorable. Besides, the gentleman
Is full of virtue, bounty, worth, and qualities 65
Beseeming such a wife as your fair daughter.
Cannot your Grace win her to fancy him?

DUKE
No. Trust me, she is peevish, sullen, froward,
Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty,
Neither regarding that she is my child 70
Nor fearing me as if I were her father;
And may I say to thee, this pride of hers,
Upon advice, hath drawn my love from her,
And where I thought the remnant of mine age
Should have been cherished by her childlike duty, 75
I now am full resolved to take a wife
And turn her out to who will take her in.
Then let her beauty be her wedding dower,
For me and my possessions she esteems not.

VALENTINE
What would your Grace have me to do in this? 80

DUKE
There is a lady in Verona here
Whom I affect; but she is nice, and coy,
And nought esteems my agèd eloquence.
Now therefore would I have thee to my tutor—
For long agone I have forgot to court; 85
Besides, the fashion of the time is changed—
How and which way I may bestow myself
To be regarded in her sun-bright eye.

VALENTINE
Win her with gifts if she respect not words;
Dumb jewels often in their silent kind 90
More than quick words do move a woman’s mind.

DUKE
But she did scorn a present that I sent her.

VALENTINE
A woman sometime scorns what best contents her.
Send her another; never give her o’er,
For scorn at first makes after-love the more. 95
If she do frown, ’tis not in hate of you,
But rather to beget more love in you.
If she do chide, ’tis not to have you gone,
Forwhy the fools are mad if left alone.
Take no repulse, whatever she doth say; 100
For “get you gone” she doth not mean “away.”
Flatter and praise, commend, extol their graces;
Though ne’er so black, say they have angels’ faces.
That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man
If with his tongue he cannot win a woman. 105

DUKE
But she I mean is promised by her friends
Unto a youthful gentleman of worth
And kept severely from resort of men,
That no man hath access by day to her.

VALENTINE
Why, then, I would resort to her by night. 110

DUKE
Ay, but the doors be locked and keys kept safe,
That no man hath recourse to her by night.

VALENTINE
What lets but one may enter at her window?

DUKE
Her chamber is aloft, far from the ground,
And built so shelving that one cannot climb it 115
Without apparent hazard of his life.

VALENTINE
Why, then a ladder quaintly made of cords
To cast up, with a pair of anchoring hooks,
Would serve to scale another Hero’s tower,
So bold Leander would adventure it. 120

DUKE
Now, as thou art a gentleman of blood,
Advise me where I may have such a ladder.

VALENTINE
When would you use it? Pray sir, tell me that.

DUKE
This very night; for love is like a child
That longs for everything that he can come by. 125

VALENTINE
By seven o’clock I’ll get you such a ladder.

Valentine is on his way to Sylvia's window but the Duke stalls him. The Duke says Sylvia's a disobedient child and he's thinking of turning her out onto the streets without a dowry.

That doesn't scare off Valentine so the Duke resorts to lying about being in love with a woman who is engaged to another man.

Valentine advises him to elope with her, which basically confirms his own intentions to elope with Silvia.

Then Valentine goes one step further and says he knows where the Duke can get a nice ladder to help him steal away with his lady.

Enter Proteus and Lance.

PROTEUS Run, boy, run, run, and seek him out.

LANCE So-ho, so-ho!

PROTEUS What seest thou?

LANCE Him we go to find. There’s not a hair on ’s head 195
but ’tis a Valentine.

PROTEUS Valentine?

VALENTINE No.

PROTEUS Who then? His spirit?

VALENTINE Neither. 200

PROTEUS What then?

VALENTINE Nothing.

LANCE Can nothing speak? Master, shall I strike?

PROTEUS Who wouldst thou strike?

LANCE Nothing. 205

PROTEUS Villain, forbear.

LANCE Why, sir, I’ll strike nothing. I pray you—

PROTEUS
Sirrah, I say forbear.—Friend Valentine, a word.

VALENTINE
My ears are stopped and cannot hear good news,
So much of bad already hath possessed them. 210

PROTEUS
Then in dumb silence will I bury mine,
For they are harsh, untunable, and bad.

VALENTINE Is Sylvia dead?

PROTEUS No, Valentine.

VALENTINE
No Valentine indeed for sacred Sylvia. 215
Hath she forsworn me?

PROTEUS No, Valentine.

VALENTINE
No Valentine if Sylvia have forsworn me.
What is your news?

LANCE Sir, there is a proclamation that you are 220
vanished.

PROTEUS
That thou art banishèd—O, that’s the news—
From hence, from Sylvia, and from me thy friend.

VALENTINE
O, I have fed upon this woe already,
And now excess of it will make me surfeit. 225
Doth Sylvia know that I am banishèd?

PROTEUS
Ay, ay, and she hath offered to the doom—
Which unreversed stands in effectual force—
A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears;
Those at her father’s churlish feet she tendered, 230
With them, upon her knees, her humble self,
Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became
them
As if but now they waxèd pale for woe.
But neither bended knees, pure hands held up, 235
Sad sighs, deep groans, nor silver-shedding tears
Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire;
But Valentine, if he be ta’en, must die.
Besides, her intercession chafed him so,
When she for thy repeal was suppliant, 240
That to close prison he commanded her
With many bitter threats of biding there.

VALENTINE
No more, unless the next word that thou speak’st
Have some malignant power upon my life.
If so, I pray thee breathe it in mine ear 245
As ending anthem of my endless dolor.

PROTEUS
Cease to lament for that thou canst not help,
And study help for that which thou lament’st.
Time is the nurse and breeder of all good.
Here, if thou stay, thou canst not see thy love; 250
Besides, thy staying will abridge thy life.
Hope is a lover’s staff; walk hence with that
And manage it against despairing thoughts.
Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence,
Which, being writ to me, shall be delivered 255
Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love.
The time now serves not to expostulate.
Come, I’ll convey thee through the city gate
And, ere I part with thee, confer at large
Of all that may concern thy love affairs. 260
As thou lov’st Sylvia, though not for thyself,
Regard thy danger, and along with me.

VALENTINE
I pray thee, Lance, an if thou seest my boy,
Bid him make haste and meet me at the North
Gate. 265

PROTEUS
Go, sirrah, find him out.—Come, Valentine.

VALENTINE
O, my dear Sylvia! Hapless Valentine!

Valentine and Proteus exit.

Proteus and Lance run in and Proteus delivers some bad news: Valentine has been banished. If he's caught in the Duke's court, he'll be put to death.

Proteus says that Sylvia begged her father to relent but the Duke wasn't hearing any of it.

Proteus, who wants Sylvia all for himself, advises Valentine to flee. He offers to deliver Valentine's love letters to Sylvia, since he's such a great friend and all.

Valentine is crushed.

Proteus offers to escort Valentine to the city limits. (What a good friend.)

LANCE I am but a fool, look you, and yet I have the wit
to think my master is a kind of a knave, but that’s all
one if he be but one knave. He lives not now that 270
knows me to be in love, yet I am in love, but a team
of horse shall not pluck that from me, nor who ’tis I
love; and yet ’tis a woman, but what woman I will
not tell myself; and yet ’tis a milk-maid; yet ’tis not a
maid, for she hath had gossips; yet ’tis a maid, for 275
she is her master’s maid and serves for wages. She
hath more qualities than a water spaniel, which is
much in a bare Christian.

He takes out a piece of
paper.

Here is the catalog of her condition.
(Reads.) "Imprimis, She can fetch and carry." Why, a 280
horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch but
only carry; therefore is she better than a jade.
(Reads.) "Item, She can milk." Look you, a sweet
virtue in a maid with clean hands.

Enter Speed.

SPEED How now, Signior Lance? What news with your 285
Mastership?

LANCE With my master’s ship? Why, it is at sea.

SPEED Well, your old vice still: mistake the word. What
news, then, in your paper?

LANCE The black’st news that ever thou heard’st. 290

SPEED Why, man? How black?

LANCE Why, as black as ink.

SPEED Let me read them.

LANCE Fie on thee, jolt-head, thou canst not read.

SPEED Thou liest. I can. 295

LANCE I will try thee. Tell me this, who begot thee?

SPEED Marry, the son of my grandfather.

LANCE O, illiterate loiterer, it was the son of thy grandmother.
This proves that thou canst not read.

SPEED Come, fool, come. Try me in thy paper. 300

LANCE, giving him the paper There, and Saint Nicholas
be thy speed.

SPEED reads "Imprimis, She can milk."

LANCE Ay, that she can.

SPEED "Item, She brews good ale." 305

LANCE And thereof comes the proverb: “Blessing of
your heart, you brew good ale.”

SPEED "Item, She can sew."

LANCE That’s as much as to say “Can she so?”

SPEED "Item, She can knit." 310

LANCE What need a man care for a stock with a wench,
when she can knit him a stock?

SPEED "Item, She can wash and scour."

LANCE A special virtue, for then she need not be
washed and scoured. 315

SPEED "Item, She can spin."

LANCE Then may I set the world on wheels, when she
can spin for her living.

SPEED "Item, She hath many nameless virtues."

LANCE That’s as much as to say “bastard virtues,” that 320
indeed know not their fathers and therefore have no
names.

SPEED Here follow her vices.

LANCE Close at the heels of her virtues.

SPEED "Item, She is not to be kissed fasting in respect of 325
her breath."

LANCE Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast.
Read on.

SPEED "Item, She hath a sweet mouth."

LANCE That makes amends for her sour breath. 330

SPEED "Item, She doth talk in her sleep."

LANCE It’s no matter for that, so she sleep not in her
talk.

SPEED "Item, She is slow in words."

LANCE O villain, that set this down among her vices! To 335
be slow in words is a woman’s only virtue. I pray
thee, out with ’t, and place it for her chief virtue.

SPEED "Item, She is proud."

LANCE Out with that too; it was Eve’s legacy and
cannot be ta’en from her. 340

SPEED "Item, She hath no teeth."

LANCE I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.

SPEED "Item, She is curst."

LANCE Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.

SPEED "Item, She will often praise her liquor." 345

LANCE If her liquor be good, she shall; if she will not, I
will, for good things should be praised.

SPEED "Item, She is too liberal."

LANCE Of her tongue she cannot, for that’s writ down
she is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that I’ll 350
keep shut; now, of another thing she may, and that
cannot I help. Well, proceed.

SPEED "Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more
faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults."

LANCE Stop there. I’ll have her. She was mine and not 355
mine twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse
that once more.

SPEED "Item, She hath more hair than wit."

LANCE “More hair than wit”? It may be; I’ll prove it:
the cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is 360
more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit is
more than the wit, for the greater hides the less.
What’s next?

SPEED And more faults than hairs.

LANCE That’s monstrous! O, that that were out! 365

SPEED And more wealth than faults.

LANCE Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well,
I’ll have her, and if it be a match, as nothing is
impossible—

SPEED What then? 370

LANCE Why, then will I tell thee that thy master stays
for thee at the North Gate.

SPEED For me?

LANCE For thee? Ay, who art thou? He hath stayed for a
better man than thee. 375

SPEED And must I go to him?

LANCE Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so
long that going will scarce serve the turn.

SPEED, handing him the paper Why didst not tell me
sooner? Pox of your love letters! 380

He exits.

LANCE Now will he be swinged for reading my letter;
an unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into
secrets. I’ll after, to rejoice in the boy’s correction.

He exits.

Lance remains on stage alone.

He admits to the audience that he's fallen in love with an unnamed woman and then makes a ridiculous list of her excellent traits: she's better than a hunting dog and a horse because she can do chores around the house. (If you want to know what we think of this, check out Marriage Quotes.)

Speed enters and helps Lance with his list of the mystery woman's virtues and vices. Lance and Speed argue about whether or not her "slowness in words" should be listed as a "vice" or a "virtue." (This is a sexist joke since the so-called ideal woman was supposed to be virtuous, obedient, and silent.)

After wasting a ton of Speed's time, Lance tells him that his master is waiting for him. He adds that Speed better hurry, because it's been a while since he's master called for him.

Speed snaps at Lance for not telling him sooner and then runs off to meet Valentine.

The Two Gentlemen of Verona: Act 3, Scene 1 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 3, Scene 1 of The Two Gentlemen of Verona from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text

Translated Text

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