Dear Diary,
Persephone will return tomorrow, and I hope she's in a better mood than when she left last spring. Was I really that wrong to take her as a wife? Of course I wasn't. I asked her father Zeus for his blessing. My brother is the King of Gods, his word is what counts, isn't it? I don't care if her mother, Demeter, does plunge the earth into winter every time Persephone comes to me. She is my wife whether Demeter likes it or not.

[Psst. Click here for the full story on Hades and Persephone.]

Dear Diary,
Took Cerberus for a walk today. His farts are getting worse.

Dear Diary,
Another dreary day in the world of the dead. Persephone is crying in her room again, complaining that she misses her mother. Will she ever love me? Sometimes I curse the day I was made Lord of the Dead. My brothers definitely got the better end of the bargain when we drew lots for who would rule what. Why couldn't I be the god of the sea like Poseidon, or the god of the sky like Zeus. Chicks dig the sky and the sea, right? Ugh, one thing I do know is they don't dig death. But I'm also the god of all the gems and gold and valuable things underground. Chicks like that right? Deep sigh. Sometimes I want to put on my Helm of Darkness and permanently disappear.

Dear Diary,
Had a nightmare that my father, Cronus, swallowed me whole. I woke up and realized that it was nightmare at all. It was a memory. It really happened to me. Is it any wonder that I'm so messed up?