Interview with Hatmehit
Ancient Egyptian Swim Team Tryouts
(TV scene) A long, Olympic-sized pool sits next to the Nile in front of a beautiful temple, surrounded by palm trees and lots of beach chairs. Many people are gathered, either sitting in the beach chairs or standing in rows around the pool, watching all the excitement. Off to the right, a man wearing a linen kilt and holding a cordless microphone is looking into the camera, as the words SWIM TEAM FINALS flash across the screen in hieroglyphs.
Reporter: Ii-wy, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Mendes Swim Team Finals. We've arrived just in time to watch the final heat of the men's 100-meter tryouts. But before the big race, we'd like to take a minute to interview this year's swim team hostess, the elegant goddess of Mendes, our very own Hatmehit!
A woman with a fish's head appears to the right of the reporter. Somehow, she manages to look beautiful and smile for the camera, even though she has a fish's head. The reporter doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with this.
Hatmehit: (makes some unintelligible bubbly, squeaky sounds)
Reporter:… What'd you say? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
Hatmehit: (clears her throat, and dabs at the corner of her fishy mouth with a handkerchief) Oh! Oh, sorry. I forgot. People speak Egyptian, not fish. What I was trying to say was welcome to Mendes. It's such an honor to be hosting the swim team finals again! Banebdjed was so nice to build us a bigger pool so we could take it back from the Thebans.
Reporter: That's right: Amun and Mut have been hosting the finals in Thebes for the last five years. That pool near Karnak is pretty fine, you've got to say.
Hatmehit: Well, yes, it is—especially in the moonlight when the temple is dark. But our pool here is state of the art. We spared no expense to make sure it'd be the best place in all Egypt to swim, for people and for all my fishy friends.
A man with the shaggy head of a ram wanders drunkenly into the frame, and nearly knocks the reporter over. Hatmehit squeals in delight and wraps her arms around the ram-man, who nibbles at her fish face.
Hatmehit: Banny! Oh! Oh, look. I'm being interviewed for the Egyptsport Channel! They love our pool… (to the reporter) This is my husband, Banebdjed.
The reporter nods in awe at the god of Mendes. Banebdjed runs his fingers through his goatee and waves over a waiter to grab a drink in a tall glass with a paper umbrella.
Banebdjed: Nice. You want one, baby?
Hatmehit: Maybe after the finals. (looking expectantly at the reporter) Do go on.
Reporter: Yes! Well, it's been a great week here, watching the tryouts. Do you have a favorite swimmer?
Hatmehit: Oh, I love all of them. But that Nesmin, he's very fast. (She points out a tall, skinny man with a shiny, bald head.) And he's very attractive….
The reporter looks between Hatmehit and Banebdjed, nervously, as he expects the goddess's husband to get upset. Instead, Banebdjed smiles widely.
Banebdjed: Oh, he is kinda cute, isn't he? You should invite him for dinner once the event's over. Nothing wrong with a little eye candy at the table. Nothing is too good for my wife!
Hatmehit squeals again as Banebdjed smacks her playfully on the butt and walks away laughing. Hatmehit blushes, and her fish head turns a delicate shade of pink as she turns back to the reporter.
Hatmehit: Sorry. He's not always this forward. Well, maybe he is. But I love him anyway. (giggle)
Reporter: That's… nice, Lady Hatmehit. So, who do you think is going to win the race today?
Hatmehit: Oh, I'm so hoping it'll be Nesmin. But all the finalists are very good. At least they'd better be, if they want to stay ahead of the electric catfish.
Reporter: (looks alarmed) Electric… catfish?
Hatmehit: (nods) It was Seth's idea. He sent us a box of electric catfish. Said if we put them in the pool, it'd encourage everybody to swim even faster! And Banebdjed thought it'd be entertaining, so I threw them in right before I came over here to talk to you.
Reporter: Well! That should make today's race interesting….
Hatmehit: (beaming) Bet they'd never do anything like that in Thebes.
Reporter: (nods) I bet they wouldn't.
A starting pistol is fired, and the swimmers all dive off the end of the pool into the water. Seconds later, a swimmer disappears underwater amid shouting and screams for a life preserver.
Lifeguard: (pushing people out of the way to get to the pool) Clear out! Get me the papyrus mats! Quick! I think he's been stung!
Banebdjed: (shouting somewhere off camera) Whoa! Haha! Did you see him? He went down like a rock! This is the best race EVER!
Hatmehit: (with a nervous smile) Hm! Well, I'd better go over and help them out… maybe it was good that we didn't put Sobek's crocodiles in there yet? Excuse me.
Reporter: (watching her walk away) I guess… (turns back to the camera) This has been a Swim Team special from Mendes. We'll get back to you on the winner, as soon as we find out if anybody makes it out of the pool alive.