How we cite our quotes: All quotations are from Kramer vs. Kramer.
Quote #1
JOANNA: Don't make me go in there. If you do, I swear, one day next week, maybe next year, I don't know, I'll go right out the window.
TED: Oh, please. Now, come on.
Ted's dismissive reaction to Joanna's admission that she's at the point where she might jump out the window of their high-rise apartment to escape her bad marriage illustrates Joanna's point. Ted just doesn't take her seriously.
Quote #2
TED: Look, the fact is, for the last six months, I've been spitting blood to get this agency one of the biggest accounts it's ever had, and at 5:00 this afternoon, we got the account! At 8:00, I'm walking home with the vice president who tells me I'm going to be the next Creative Director of this department. I come through this door to share with my wife what's probably going to be one of the five best days of my life, and she looks at me, cool as a cucumber, and tells me she doesn't want to live with me anymore! Can't you understand what she's done to me?
MARGARET: Yeah, she loused up one of the five best days of your life.
Rock on, Margaret. Ted's wife has just left him, and he's complaining about how that messed up his day, how that inconvenienced him. He sounds like a kid because he's acting like one—and he's making it clear how he views his and Joanna's roles in their marriage.
Quote #3
TED: You know sometimes you and your friends don't get along, and you have a fight?
BILLY: Uh huh.
TED: And you wanna go off and be by yourself for a little while, right?
BILLY: Yup.
TED: Well, sometimes, Mommy and Daddy don't get along and, you know, one of them wants to go off and be by themselves for a while, so that's what happened with Mommy.
BILLY: When is Mommy coming back?
TED: Soon. Very soon.
Um, no. No, she's not. When Joanna first leaves, Ted thinks it's temporary, despite the fact that Joanna tells him in no uncertain terms that it isn't and even leaves her keys and checkbook behind. He doesn't understand the severity of the situation because he hasn't noticed how rotten his marriage was. Apparently it was working just fine for him.
Quote #4
JIM: Is there another guy?
TED: I don't think so, you know, she's not the type. She's got this friend Margaret downstairs and, you know, and they [mimics chit-chatting nonsense], you know, women's lib, and I think they may've cooked this up. Who knows, you know what mean? It worked!
Ted and Jim laugh.
There's a lot to unpack here. First of all, we're pretty sure nobody ever knowingly marries someone who is the type to cheat. Regardless, Ted dismisses the idea of Joanna finding another man like it's nothing, and we're not sure if that's because he thinks he knows her so well, or because he thinks no woman would ever cheat on Ted Kramer.
Next, Ted lays the blame for Joanna leaving on both Margaret and women's lib. You'll notice who he doesn't blame it on: himself.
Finally, Ted talks to Jim about Joanna and Margaret like they're in first grade. He mimics the way they chat, like chipmunks, and refers to his wife leaving him as a scheme she and Margaret "cooked up" they were pulling a wacky, Lucy and Ethel-style prank and the women's movement is just girlfriend gossip. In short, Ted's showing Joanna very little respect here and taking zero responsibility for the implosion of his marriage.
Quote #5
TED: You think you'll ever get married again?
MARGARET: Nuh-uh.
TED: I mean to anybody.
MARGARET: Oh, no.
TED: Why?
MARGARET: I don't know. Maybe it's different if you don't have children, but even if Charley and I aren't living together, and even if we're sleeping with other people, and even if Charley were to get married again, I don't know: he's still my husband, and he's still the father of my children. That stuff about "'til death do you part," that's really true.
Margaret's in her marriage for the long haul—even if that marriage is technically over. Her attitude about her ex-husband shows that there's a lot more than His and Hers towels when it comes to being married to someone, especially if you have kids.
Quote #6
TED: Okay, look. We're gonna sit here and bat this back and forth like it was for eight years. It's like old times.
JOANNA: Well, you can't deny me access to my baby.
TED: Don't tell me what I can or cannot do. Don't talk to me that way.
JOANNA: I anticipated this whole thing.
When Joanna takes a stand and says Ted can't deny her access to Billy, Ted takes offense. He's this close to adding a foot-stomp and a "You're not the boss of me!" to the end of his protest. He sounds like a petulant teenager, like he thinks he deserves respect solely by virtue of his existence. Joanna, meanwhile, says she anticipated Ted's reaction. Nobody knows Ted better than Joanna: not because they were married, but because she paid attention throughout their marriage.
Quote #7
BILLY: Dad, are you ever gonna get remarried?
TED: I don't know. I hadn't thought about it.
BILLY: Are you ever gonna remarry to Phyllis?
TED: No. We're just good friends.
BILLY: Oh. Are you and Mom ever gonna get remarried?
TED: No, Mommy and me will never be remarried.
BILLY: I bet if she saw this [Ted's new office] she'd remarry you.
If only it were that simple, Billy.
Quote #8
JOANNA: I was not a failure.
SHAUNESSY: Oh? What do you call it then, a success? The marriage ended in divorce.
JOANNA: I consider it less my failure than his.
SHAUNESSY: Congratulations, Mrs. Kramer, you've just rewritten matrimonial law. You were both divorced.
Shaunessy's right. They were both divorced, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they were equally to blame for the demise of the marriage.
Quote #9
SHAUNESSY Your honor, I would like to ask what this model of stability and respectability has ever succeeded at. Were you a failure at the one more important personal relationship in your life?
JOANNA: It did not succeed.
SHAUNESSY: Not "it," Mrs. Kramer, you. Were you a failure at the one most important relationship in your life? Were you?!
Ted shakes his head at Joanna and mouths "No." Joanna smiles weakly and mouths "Yes."
ATKINS: Is that a "yes," Mrs. Kramer?
Joanna nods.
SHAUNESSY: No further questions.
Shaunessy's trying to get Joanna to take more responsibility for the end of their marriage here. Even though it would help his case, Ted's not having it. He now understands that most of the blame for their marriage falling apart is his. That doesn't mean he thinks Joanna should be awarded custody of Billy, but it does mean he's evolved.
Quote #10
TED: There's a lot of things I didn't understand. There's a lot of things I'd do different if I could, just like there's a lot of things you wish you could change, but we can't. Some things, once they're done, can't be undone.
By the end of the film, Ted sees that he was a lame husband. He also realizes that, in marriage, you can't really get a "do over." In other words, Ted's grown. A lot.