Oh! Hi, Mom! I’m doing my homework.

If you were doing your homework, you wouldn’t be reading this.

But I was doing my homework until you messaged me and the little sound went off.

And then you stopped?

Yeah! You tricked me!

No, you stopped doing your homework. Now log out. You’re grounded.

But Mom!

You heard her, son.

Dad! You’re in on this?

Should’ve just kept doing your homework.

Maaaaybe. Why?

I found several of my disciples in front of the altar this morning.

Well, that’s good, they’re doing their jobs, right?

Dead.

Oh…

With knives sticking out of their nostrils and stomachs.

Oh. That.

Why are you stabbing my disciples?

Why are your disciples evil?

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Good question, brother. Why ARE your disciples evil?

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Stay out of this, greenie.

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Whoa, it’s about peace, dude. What gives?

Something wrong with peace, little H?

Well, no. But you’re a war god.

Why do you think we fight?

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Prayer? This is the Internet. Whatcha need?

Is it really you? I need you to kill someone for me.

Listen, kid. I’m not a vendetta service. What’s wrong?

This bully at school punched me in the stomach at recess. It’s not fair!

I have to say that’s not acceptable behavior.

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Yay! Does that mean you’ll kill him? Can I watch?

No, it does not mean I’ll kill him. But it does mean I might swing by and teach him a lesson.

If you’re going to teach all the bullies a lesson, you’re going to be a very busy god, son.

Tell Mom I’ll be late for dinner.

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I need a bad guy to kill. I’m going after Hitler.

He’s dead.

How about Stalin?

He’s dead, too.

Dead.

Walter White?

Uh… not a real dude, bro.

Ugh. This is not my day.