Interview with Montu
Spy Tape
Shmoop's crack team of P.I.'s managed to sneak a camera into Montu's room while he was out at the gym. Following is a transcript of the video we recovered.
Montu's room is orderly, almost like a barracks. A long, wooden chest sits at the foot of his four-poster bed, with several starched kilts folded neatly on top. Next to the kilts is a pair of angry-looking swords and a sun-disk hat. On the wall above Montu's computer, posters for video games and a large photo of one of his girlfriends, probably Raettawy, take up most of the space. The TV has been left on, and is showing war documentaries. A small basenji puppy is jumping on the bed and making lots of noise.
Montu: (walking into the room) Hey, hey! Barkyhotep! Enough!
The puppy only gets louder, and jumps off the bed to leap at Montu, who picks him up.
Montu: Is that a good puppy? That's a good puppy. Yes, yes you are. Yes you are!
Montu pets the puppy a few more times, and laughs as it licks at his falcon face, then sets it down next to the computer. A phone rings.
Montu: Where'd I leave—oh. (He fishes a cell phone out of his pocket and presses a button before putting it to his ear.) Yeah? Oh! Hey Ra, er, I mean, Your Majesty. What's up?
Montu moves over to the bed, and stretches across it as he listens to Ra on the phone. Our microphone was unfortunately not good enough to get that side of the conversation. We will have to get a better receiver for future investigations.
Montu: Tomorrow. Where's Seth, isn't that usually his job? (Pause.) Sure. It's no problem. Guess I better get some sleep. See ya then!
Montu hangs up the phone and tosses it onto the bedspread next to him with a sigh. The puppy jumps up on the bed and proceeds to lick his face again.
Montu: Barky, stop it… Go on. Go outside.
The basenji jumps off the bed and heads out the door, which is still slightly open. Montu leans back on the bed, putting both arms behind his head.
Montu: Totally thought I was going to get a day off. Stupid Seth, off to court with Horus the Younger again. Why can't those two get along? (Montu sighs.) Whatever.
The phone rings again. Montu picks it up with a grin on his face.
Montu: Iunie baby! Sweetheart, where have you been all my life? Okay, well, maybe not that long. Where've you been since yesterday? I miss you. Was hoping to invite you over tonight, so we could watch a movie, but… I have to work again tomorrow. (Pause.) Yeah. Ra needs me to be there in case the serpent demons show up at sunrise again. (Another pause.) That's what I said! Why can't Seth do it?
Montu sits up.
Montu: Well, I suppose it's not such a big deal. I mean, I am the god of war, right? Tough enough to do the stuff—that's me. (Montu flexes one very muscular arm, seemingly at the phone, even though the phone isn't in camera mode.) I'll just show him my big guns. Yeah.
Montu slides his feet over the side of the bed, and stands up again.
Montu: Okay. I will talk to you tomorrow. Pick you up from school? Sure. I'll bring the red chariot. (Pause.) Love you, too.
The god crosses to the computer, and sits down. A first-person shooter game—it's hard to tell which one from our camera's angle—boots up, and Montu pulls on a headset and begins to play. Many hours pass. About nine hours later, the phone rings again, several times, before Montu notices and pulls off the headset to answer.
Montu: (angrily) Yeah? I'm in the middle of an assassination here. Can this wait?
After a short pause, Montu drops the phone, and then looks over toward the window with a terrified expression. The angle of sunlight (and our handy timestamp on the video) suggests it's morning.
Montu: Your Majesty, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was already—(pause) I know, I know! I promised, I just lost track of time—(pause) no, no, I didn't miss the alarm, I, uh, never went to bed. (Pause.) I got caught up in—I am so very sorry. (Pause.) Yes. Yes, I know. Yes, that's very lucky. I'm glad the snakes weren't there this morning. I will totally make this up to you, I promise. (Pause.) Yes. Yes, thank you so much. Yes, sir.
Montu puts the phone down and shakes his head.