Whenever the thought of his father’s weakness and failure troubled him he expelled it by thinking about his own strength and success. And so he did now. His mind went to his latest show of manliness.
“I cannot understand why you refused to come with us to kill that boy,” he asked Obierika. (8.20-21)
When fearful of being like his father, Okonkwo has to reassure himself strongly of his own masculinity. Strangely, Okonkwo considers joining in the murder of Ikemefuna as being a “show of masculinity.” Considering that one traditional aspect of masculinity is being the protector of one’s family, killing Ikemefuna might just be cruel and gruesome, rather than masculine.
Quote 22
“He [Maduka] will do great things,” Okonkwo said. “If I had a son like him I should be happy. I am worried about Nwoye. A bowl of pounded yams can throw him in a wrestling match. His two younger brothers are more promising. But I can tell you, Obierika, that my children do not resemble me […] If Ezinma had been a boy I would have been happier. She has the right spirit.” (8.17)
Okonkwo is disappointed in his sons – especially Nwoye. The reason Okonkwo specifically cites is that his son is a poor wrestler and isn’t at all like Okonkwo. Ironically, he wishes his daughter were a son because her “spirit” is “right” for a man.
Quote 23
“When did you become a shivering old woman,” Okonkwo asked himself, “you, who are known in all the nine villages for your valor in war? How can a man who has killed five men in battle fall to pieces because he has added a boy to their number? Okonkwo, you have become a woman indeed.” (8.9)
Okonkwo’s guilt over killing his adopted son haunts him. Okonkwo, who shuns all emotion, thinks that feeling compassion and guilt for the boy is a sign of weakness and femininity – two characteristics that are despicable to him. Clearly, Okonkwo sees valor and compassion as incompatible.
“Sit like a woman!” Okonkwo shouted at her. Ezinma brought her two legs together and stretched them in front of her. (5.56)
Gender is so coded into every aspect of Igbo society that Okonkwo loses his patience with Ezinma when she fails to sit like a woman. This is also a sign that Ezinma sometimes trespasses into the realm of men with her unfeminine actions.
Quote 25
[Okonkwo]: “I will not have a son who cannot hold up his head in the gathering of the clan. I would sooner strangle him with my own hands.” (4.33)
Okonkwo would rather kill his son than live with an effeminate one. Basically, Okonkwo is thinking of his own reputation as a man, which he doesn’t want tarnished by a soft son.
Quote 26
Only a week ago a man had contradicted him at a kindred meeting which they held to discuss the next ancestral feast. Without looking at the man Okonkwo had said. “This meeting is for men.” The man who had contradicted him had no titles. That was why he had called him a woman. Okonkwo knew how to kill a man’s spirit. (4.1)
Being called a woman is clearly a nasty insult as it has the ability to “kill a man’s spirit.” Obviously, women aren’t highly valued in Umuofia.
Quote 27
“He belongs to the clan,” he told her [Okonkwo’s eldest wife]. “So look after him.”
“Is he staying long with us?” she asked.
“Do what you are told, woman,” Okonkwo thundered, and stammered. “When did you become one of the ndichie of Umuofia?”
And so Nwoye’s mother took Ikemefuna to her hut and asked no more questions. (2.16-19)
Okonkwo treats his wife like a servant, demanding that she does whatever he commands her with no questions asked. Women, as demonstrated by Okonkwo’s eldest wife here, are taught to be silent and obedient. In fact, women count for so little in Igbo society that they are often not even addressed by their given names, but referred to by their relationship with men. Throughout the entire novel, the narrator rarely calls Okonkwo’s first wife by her name, she is almost always identified in relation to her husband or son, Nwoye.