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Bell Curve


Hack Historian. Salary: $20,000 

Your e-book about the Revolutionary War is finally published, but it looks like spell check has caused you some trouble. You wait for praise but instead receive ridicule from your peers when they find out you wrote George Washington corresponded with a General Elvis instead of General Ellis. It's no surprise that they're all shook up.


Decent Docent. Salary: $40,000 

As a historian at a local museum, you spend your day surrounded by some of the greatest manuscripts and works of art of the last few thousand years. Sometimes you get so lost in thought that you forget where you are, transported instead to whatever time period you're staring at. Your co-workers are starting to worry, but you're far away in Egypt.


Historical Record Keeper. Salary: $60,000 

Having secured a position as theological historian with some serious connections, you're given access to the Vatican's Archives. Upon entering the secure vault, you're overjoyed by the sight of all these semi-secret documents. You inhale too quickly and immediately sneeze all over the Swiss Guard's face.


Historical Authority. Salary: $80,000 

You've published your first book and it climbs all the way to number two on the "Non-Fiction: Historical" book sales chart. You're overjoyed by the fortune and all of your college friends call you up to wish you congrats. Everyone except Mikey—he calls to laugh that you were beaten by a book about the history of underpants.


Tenured Professor. Salary: $100,000 

You're a tenured professor for a prestigious college. Currently, you're knee-deep in researching Mesoamerican culinary devices while working on your next best-seller. And for some reason they still expect you to show up to teach class.