The Comedy of Errors: Act 4, Scene 3 Translation

Enter Antipholus of Syracuse, wearing the chain.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend,
And everyone doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me; some invite me;
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses; 5
Some offer me commodities to buy.
Even now a tailor called me in his shop
And showed me silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my body.
Sure these are but imaginary wiles, 10
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter Dromio of Syracuse with the purse.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Master, here’s the gold you sent
me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam
new-appareled?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean? 15

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Not that Adam that kept the
Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison; he
that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the
Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil
angel, and bid you forsake your liberty. 20

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I understand thee not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No? Why, ’tis a plain case: he
that went like a bass viol in a case of leather; the
man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives
them a sob and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity 25
on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he
that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his
mace than a morris-pike.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What, thou mean’st an
officer? 30

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band;
he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his
band; one that thinks a man always going to bed
and says “God give you good rest.”

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Well, sir, there rest in your 35
foolery. Is there any ships puts forth tonight? May
we be gone?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Why, sir, I brought you word an
hour since that the bark Expedition put forth tonight,
and then were you hindered by the sergeant 40
to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that
you sent for to deliver you.

He gives the purse.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
The fellow is distract, and so am I,
And here we wander in illusions.
Some blessèd power deliver us from hence! 45

Enter a Courtesan.

COURTESAN
Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now.
Is that the chain you promised me today?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, is this Mistress Satan? 50

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE It is the devil.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nay, she is worse; she is the
devil’s dam, and here she comes in the habit of a
light wench. And thereof comes that the wenches
say “God damn me”; that’s as much to say “God 55
make me a light wench.” It is written they appear
to men like angels of light. Light is an effect of fire,
and fire will burn: ergo, light wenches will burn.
Come not near her.

COURTESAN
Your man and you are marvelous merry, sir. 60
Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Master, if you do, expect spoon
meat, or bespeak a long spoon.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Why, Dromio?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, he must have a long 65
spoon that must eat with the devil.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, to the Courtesan
Avoid then, fiend! What tell’st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress.
I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.

COURTESAN
Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner 70
Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,
And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Some devils ask but the parings
of one’s nail, a rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, a
nut, a cherrystone; but she, more covetous, would 75
have a chain. Master, be wise. An if you give it her,
the devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.

COURTESAN
I pray you, sir, my ring or else the chain.
I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Avaunt, thou witch!—Come, Dromio, let us go. 80

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE “Fly pride,” says the peacock.
Mistress, that you know.

Antipholus and Dromio exit.

COURTESAN
Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad;
Else would he never so demean himself.
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats, 85
And for the same he promised me a chain.
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
Is a mad tale he told today at dinner 90
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house
And tell his wife that, being lunatic, 95
He rushed into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose,
For forty ducats is too much to lose.

She exits.