The Four Horsemen
- So, the Lamb opens the first of the seven seals.
- Immediately, John sees a white horse. Its rider has a bow and is wearing a crown. He has clearly come to conquer something very important. Doesn't everyone wear a crown when doing their conquering?
- The Lamb opens the second seal.
- John sees a bright red horse. The guy riding this horse has a huge sword. At first, this doesn't seem so bad, but then we find out that he also takes peace from the Earth so that everyone will kill each other. Yikes.
- Then, the Lamb opens the third seal.
- Out comes a black horse. Its rider has a pair of scales in his hand—the better to judge you with.
- Next, the fourth seal is opened.
- John sees a pale green horse whose rider is Death himself. Okay, we're officially freaked out now. Death is given authority to kill people all over the Earth. Things are not looking good.
The Seals Just Keep Getting Crazier
- But it's not over yet.
- The Lamb goes on to open the fifth seal. (Might we suggest that now is a good time to stop opening these scary seals?)
- John sees the souls of all the Christians who have been martyred so far.
- They cry out to God asking that he bring down the hammer on the people who murdered them. Apparently being martyred makes you really vengeful.
- God tells them they're going to need to wait a little longer. He gives them some nice white robes to tide them over though.
- The Lamb then opens the sixth seal.
- Suddenly the heavens go crazy. There's an earthquake and the sun becomes black. The moon turns to blood and the stars fall out of the sky. Paging Dr. Stanz.
- All the kings and rich guys and other powerful people on Earth try to run and hide from the Lamb. They're a little bit worried about what he's going to do to them. We can't say we blame them.