Notebooks and Pencils

Lakshmi loves to learn. It's one of the things that sets her apart in her home in Nepal, and it's one of the things that saves her sanity in the Happiness House. Knowing this, we can immediately recognize her notebook and pencil—the tools Lakshmi uses for learning—as symbolic of her sense of self and intelligence.

The pencil and notebook don't just let us know that Lakshmi is a bright and self-possessed young girl, though. They also give us clues to the people around her. Consider this:

And my teacher, who gave me her own pencil when she saw I had none. (21.Maybe.17)

Here Lakshmi is talking about her teacher in the village who gives her the gift of a pencil in a moment of need. We see Lakshmi being supported through this gesture, encouraged to learn and grow. And when we find out that one of the four things that Lakshmi takes with her on her journey is the notebook her "teacher gave me for being the number one girl in school" (13.WhatICarry.1), we understand that at school Lakshmi was recognized for her intelligence, and rewarded for her hard work.

But when Lakshmi is in the Happiness House, her ability to read and write—and the notebook and pencil themselves—are seen as dangerous instead of a mark of pride.

"But—" I have seen her record book, with its entry of 10,000 rupees. I know this 20,000 price is a lie. (90.Changes.9)

Because Lakshmi is able to see the truth behind Mumtaz's lie, she chooses to make her own calculations in her notebook with her pencil, even though Shahanna warns her, "Mumtaz will bury you alive if she sees your little book of figures" (98.Mathematics.7). Mumtaz does not want the girls she's enslaved thinking for themselves—she wants obedience—and so Lakshmi's notebook and pencil represent a threat to Mumtaz's authority.

Eventually Lakshmi nearly fills her notebook. There are equations from her school in Nepal, words from her journey, and her calculations of debt and earnings, as well as words Harish has taught her. And again, Shahanna warns her that if Shilpa and Mumtaz find out that Lakshmi can read and write, "they will think you are planning to escape […] and then they will put you back in the locked-in room" (114.WhatILearnedToday.4-6). Clearly, notebooks and pencils are seen as dangerous—and Lakshmi's refusal to give them up symbolizes her refusal to give up on herself.

Interestingly, Harish gives Lakshmi a pencil on a day when Hindus celebrate brothers and sisters: "It is shiny yellow and it smells of lead and rubber. And possibility" (123.AGift.2). It is a thoughtful and sweet gesture in its own right, but it also seems significant that both of the pencils Lakshmi has have come to her as gifts. What do you make of this? Is it a subtle reminder that though Lakshmi is strong she still needs help from others to make it in the world? We think it might be because she receives pencils at two very different points in her life.

And when Lakshmi readies herself to leave with the American, she packs up her notebook (171.Ready). It has memories of her home in Nepal, true, but it also carries evidence of her time at the brothel. And there might be something to carrying the bad with the good as she prepares to leave this stage of her life.