The Bad Beginning Rules and Order Quotes

"Your parents' will," Mr. Poe said, "instructs that you be raised in the most convenient way possible. Here in the city, you'll be used to your surroundings, and this Count Olaf is the only relative who lives within the urban limits." (2.10)

Mr. Poe shook his head. "'In loco parentis' means 'acting in the role of parent,'" he said. "It is a legal term and it applies to Count Olaf. Now that you are in his care, the Count may raise you using any methods he sees fit. I'm sorry if your parents did not make you do any household chores, or if you never saw them drink any wine, or if you like their friends better than Count Olaf's friends, but these are things that you must get used to, as Count Olaf is acting in loco parentis. Understand?" (5.38)

"You will," he said, "participate in this theatrical performance. I would prefer it if you would participate voluntarily, but as I believe Mr. Poe explained to you, I can order you to participate and you must obey." Olaf's sharp and dirty fingernails gently scratched on Violet's chin, and she shivered. (6.30)

Klaus ignored the insult and opened the book to where one of the scraps of paper was marking his place. "The laws of marriage in this community are very simple," he read out loud. "The requirements are as follows: the presence of a judge, a statement of 'I do' by both the bride and the groom, and the signing of an explanatory document in the bride's own hand." Klaus put down the book and pointed at Count Olaf. "If my sister says 'I do' and signs a piece of paper, while Justice Strauss is in the room, then she is legally married. This play you're putting on shouldn't be called The Marvelous Marriage. It should be called The Menacing Marriage. You're not going to marry Violet figuratively—you're going to marry her literally! This play won't be pretend; it will be real and legally binding." (8.13)

"So do you," Klaus said. "What's that book?"

"Why, those are my lines," Justice Strauss said. "Count Olaf told me to bring a law book and read the real wedding ceremony, in order to make the play as realistic as possible. All you have to say, Violet, is 'I do,' but I have to make quite a speech. This is going to be such fun."

"You know what would be fun," Violet said carefully, "is if you changed your lines around, just a little."

Klaus's face lit up. "Yes, Justice Strauss. Be creative. There's no reason to stick to the legal ceremony. It's not as if it's a real wedding."

Justice Strauss frowned. "I don't know about that, children," she said. "I think it would be best to follow Count Olaf's instructions. After all, he's in charge." (12.5-9)

"That can't be!" said a voice from the audience, and Klaus recognized it as the voice of Mr. Poe. He ran up the stairs to the stage and took the document from Justice Strauss. "This is dreadful nonsense."

"I'm afraid this dreadful nonsense is the law," Justice Strauss said. (13.9-10)

"I did not sign the document in my own hand, as the law states," Violet said.

"What do you mean? We all saw you!" Count Olaf's eyebrow was beginning to rise in anger.

"I'm afraid your husband is right, dear," Justice Strauss said sadly. "There's no use denying it. There are too many witnesses."

"Like most people," Violet said, "I am right-handed. But I signed the document with my left hand." (13.27-30)

Unless you are a lawyer, it will probably strike you as odd that Count Olaf's plan was defeated by Violet signing with her left hand instead of her right. But the law is an odd thing. For instance, one country in Europe has a law that requires all its bakers to sell bread at the exact same price. A certain island has a law that forbids anyone from removing its fruit. And a town not too far from where you live has a law that bars me from coming within five miles of its borders. Had Violet signed the marriage contract with her right hand, the law would have made her a miserable contessa, but because she signed it with her left, she remained, to her relief, a miserable orphan. (13.38)

"That may be so," Mr. Poe said, "and I thank Justice Strauss for her generosity, but your parents' will is very specific. You must be adopted by a relative. Tonight you will stay with me in my home, and tomorrow I shall go to the bank and figure out what to do with you. I'm sorry, but that is the way it is." (13.72)

To Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, it seemed that Mr. Poe and the law had made the incorrect decision to take them away from the possibility of a happy life with Justice Strauss and toward an unknown fate with some unknown relative. They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so. (13.75)