- Meet Prof. Timofey Pnin: he's bald, tan, and kind of weird-looking. From what we can gather, Pnin is a Russian émigré who is now living in America at the age of 52. But that's not what's important right now. What's important is that he is on a train and he's going the wrong way.
- You see, he supposed to be giving a speech at Cremona, but instead of taking the correct route, he relied on a five-year-old timetable that was completely obsolete.
- More about Pnin: he is a professor of Russian at Waindell College. Which apparently has the tiniest Russian department in the world.
- Seriously, he only has four students. Considering this was the Cold War era, you'd think at least a couple more folks would want to study the Reds.
- Pnin isn't a great teacher, but he's lucky enough to have everyone sort of like him anyway. What's special about him is how he likes to have nostalgic interludes right in the middle of class that make him double over with laughter.
- As ridiculous as that sounds, he ends up making his whole class laugh right along with him.
- But back to that train. He's still going the wrong way.
- Why? Well, Pnin isn't exactly an absent-minded professor, but he sure isn't a very competent one either. Everything seems to amaze, delight, and completely confuse him. Let's just say you don't want to leave him alone with your laptop.
- In addition to all of his problems with the physical world, Pnin has language issues. Even after 10 years of studying English, he still speaks the language of his new homeland with many errors.
- He can't even deliver a speech without staring at the carefully translated and edited English version.
- Which brings us back to that train. On the train, Pnin is wondering what to do with his papers for the lecture. Should he keep them in his pocket, or should he put it in his luggage? Pnin has been agonizing over this question for 20 minutes, when the conductor notices there's something weird about his tickets. His stop had been abolished two years before, and he's going to be two hours late.
- But there is nothing to do about it, so Pnin follows the directions the conductor gives to him.
- Unfortunately, that's not the end of Pnin's problems. He checks in his bag, but by the time the next bus comes he's not able to get it back.
- Okay, whatever, he just decides to leave it and head to the lecture. But once he's on the bus, there's another problem. Pnin forgot his papers. He jumps off the bus and finds himself in the middle of the town he's never seen before in his entire life.
- Oh, and then he has a seizure. Apparently Pnin has had a long history of heart problems, but none of his doctors can figure out what was wrong with him. Anyway, whatever is going on with his heart makes him feel like he's dying.
- So Pnin starts to think of his childhood. He came from a well-to-do family, and his dad was an eye doctor. One day he got a fever that was so bad it made him delusional. Little Pnin starts to think that there is some kind of evil designer that is trying to destroy his mind and has concealed the key to his happiness in the pattern of his wallpaper.
- In other words, it's a pretty bad fever.
- Eventually, Pnin's seizure and his memory of his childhood fever leave him and he heads back to the station. He's missed the bus, but at least he can get his bag back now.
- Finally, Pnin gets a ride from some guys in a truck and arrives just in time for dinner. After stuffing himself with sweets, Pnin has to sit through (and we do too, unfortunately) a long and rambling introduction, which doesn't seem to have very much to do with him at all.
- But it doesn't matter, because Pnin isn't listening (if only we could feel the same). He's experiencing some after-effects from that seizure, and dead people from his past are appearing in the audience. Even his parents, who are looking at him with pride. That's nice, at least.
- But it's all over when the introduction is finished and the audience starts to clap.