How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)
Quote #1
No way.
We're thinking about her.
That's different.
Why?
Because we're not in a fountain in Rome on a hot summer night with gorgeous Luigi. (15.1)
In a conversation with Bailey from the past, Lennie makes the totally valid point that if their mom is living the exciting explorer's life they're dreaming about, then she probably has better things to do than think about her kids. What Lennie's not saying (but might be thinking) is that the fact that they love their mother doesn't necessarily equal her loving them back.
Quote #2
"Gram says she'll come back," I say, my stomach knotting up, thinking of her coming back right now. Thinking of Bailey trying so hard to find her. Thinking of slamming the door in her face if she did come back, of screaming, You're too late. Thinking of her never coming back. Thinking I'm not sure how to believe all this anymore without Bailey believing it with me. (23.57)
Whoa, Lennie—what you're saying and what you're thinking are really different. Maybe you're trying to convince yourself that what Gram told you is true.
Quote #3
Joe smiles, looks at me so warmly, I forget about everything else. "You're cool," he says. "Forgiving. Unlike dickhead me." (23.60)
Joe seems to think the way Lennie sees her absent mother says something about her personality. Do you think Lennie has a forgiving nature, or does her perception of her mother come more from the way she's been raised?
Quote #4
You'll never disappear like Mom?
Never.
Promise?
God, how many times do I have to say it. I will never disappear like Mom. Now go to sleep. (24.15)
Not going to lie, flashback poems like these break our hearts a little. Because we already know the future—we know that Bailey will break that promise with her death. Tear.
Quote #5
I bet this is why she didn't tell me she was looking for Mom like this. She knew I'd try to stop her. I didn't want our mother to reveal to Bailey a way out of our lives. (26.4)
It's pretty drastic to think that your sister might disappear and never come back. But not for Lennie, because it's happened to her before. Even though she can't remember her mother, being abandoned seems to have lead to a fear of more abandonment.
Quote #6
"Whatever makes a woman leave two little kids, her brother, and her mother, and not come back for sixteen years. That's what! I mean, we call it wanderlust, other families might not be so kind." (26.42)
This is the closest anyone in Lennie's life has come to saying that her mom had a mental illness. Not that Big is making any definite judgments—he's just allowing that other people might see it that way.
Quote #7
Until this moment, it hadn't occurred to me she might've read those books for herself also. But of course. She revered Bailey. I've left her to grieve on her own. I don't know what to say so I reach across the bench and hug her. Hard. (27.82)
Before this moment, Lennie was already feeling bad for abandoning her best friend Sarah. But, stuck inside her own grief, Lennie hadn't thought about the idea that Sarah might also be grieving. Sort of makes her abandonment seem worse, huh? Luckily, Sarah's pretty forgiving.
Quote #8
Why did she keep this real life mother from us? But as soon as I ask the question, I know the answer, because suddenly there is not blood pumping in my veins, coursing all throughout my body, but longing for a mother who loves lilacs. Longing like I've never had for the Paige Walker who wanders the world. That Paige Walker never made me feel like a daughter, but a mother who boils water for pasta does. Except don't you need to be claimed to be a daughter? Don't you need to be loved? (29.14)
You can't miss someone you don't know. By not telling her granddaughters any stories or details about their mother, Gram ensured that Lennie and Bailey would miss her as little as possible. But the effect of Gram's plan was temporary, and Lennie's obliviousness is shattered by a something as small as a pesto recipe.
Quote #9
"Yes, Lennie. You act like you're the only one in this house who lost somebody. She was like my daughter, do you know what that's like? Do you? My daughter. No, you don't because you haven't once asked. Not once have you asked how I'm doing. Did it ever occur to you that I might need to talk?" (31.66)
Poor Gram—Lennie's grief, plus maybe Gram's tendency to worry over her, made Lennie put some major blinders up. Fortunately, this outburst changes everything. It forces Lennie to actually talk to Gram instead of hiding all her feelings and secrets.
Quote #10
I've fallen back into my chair, boneless. Gram stands across the room in a prison of shadows. "I told your mother to never come back." (33.30)
An interesting twist: Turns out Paige's abandonment is more complicated than either an explorer running toward the world or an unstable woman leaving her children. We still think Gram's great, though, and that she's blaming herself too much for yelling at someone who was doing a legitimate maddening thing—considering leaving her kids.