How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)
Quote #1
Judas, Brutus, Benedict Arnold, and me. (6.2)
Lennie doesn't just consider kissing her sister's fiancé betrayal. For doing it, she compares herself to the most notorious betrayers—the betrayer of Jesus, of Caesar, and a famous historical treason-committer. Kissing Toby is, in her mind, one of the worst things she could possibly do.
Quote #2
I sit at the top of the stairs,
Know she's touching
Mom's cold flat cheek
as she says, I'm sorry
I'm so sorry I think a terrible thing.
I think: you should be. (9.1)
There's a lot of guilt happening in this passage. There's Gram's, plus there's the guilt Lennie feels for blaming Gram when she knows that neither her mother leaving nor Bailey dying are Gram's fault. Take a look at how the painting of Paige Walker is described: Her cheek is "cold" and "flat." These words make sense, because they're describing a painting, not a real person. But what else to they imply? How might Lennie describe her mother's cheek if she were in a more hopeful mood?
Quote #3
When I do look up, she's gone. Instantly, I want to run after her, take the teapot from her, pour myself a mug and join her, just spill every thought and feeling I'm having.
But I don't. (9.13-14)
Lennie is remorseful for blowing off Gram, but it only gets her so far. She wants to make it up to Gram, but the next sentence shows that she doesn't take any action. So Gram's hurt doesn't change.
Quote #4
With all the darkness around me, with my hand in Toby's, I feel like I can say it. "I feel guilty I'm still here…"
"Don't. Please Len."
"But she was always so much… more—" (10.51-53)
Guilt isn't always logical. Never in the book does Lennie actively harm her body or indicate that she wants to die, but in her mind, she is the less interesting, less special sister, and she feels guilty that the "better" sister is the one who is gone.
Quote #5
I can't believe I'm using Bailey to lie to Joe to cover up fooling around with her boyfriend. A new low even for the immoral girl I've become. I'm a Gila monster of a girl. Loch Ness Lennie. No convent would even take me. (16.18)
Now Lennie's moved on from comparing herself to history's worst traitors only to include herself in a category of inhuman monsters. She knows she's getting worse, but again, she still doesn't take any action to improve the situation.
Quote #6
But I'm furious at her for saying what I know is true. Bailey would kill me, and it just makes me want to yell at Sarah more, which I do. "What should I do? Penance? Should I mortify the flesh, soak my hands in lye, rub pepper into my face like St. Rose? Wear a hair shirt?" (27.61)
Boy, those saints were intense. This is one of the first moments in the book when Lennie seems to recognize that endless guilt isn't going to get her anywhere—even if she were to get all saintly with her guilt, it wouldn't erase what she's already done. What do you think Lennie should do?
Quote #7
"I can't be with someone who could do that to me." Then he looks right in my eyes, and says, "I can't be with someone who could do that to her sister." (31.53)
It's totally understandable that Joe is hurt, but we still think this is a low blow. Joe zeroes in on what Lennie feels guiltiest about, and he is clearly saying it to hurt her. The girl is suffering enough.
Quote #8
"Do you think she'd ever forgive me?"
"Oh, sweet pea, trust me on this one, she already has." (32.33-34)
Here we get to the heart of things. Lennie can never hear Bailey tell her that she forgives her, but hearing Gram say it is the closest Lennie is going to get to being forgiven by her sister.
Quote #9
I think about the ways Gram made sure our mother never died in our hearts, made sure Paige Walker never bore any blame for leaving her children. I think about how, unbeknownst to us, Gram culled that blame for herself. (33.34)
Well, this is one way to handle guilt. Gram felt so responsible for Paige's absence that she made sure her grandchildren never blamed Paige for it. How responsible do you think Gram really was, though?
Quote #10
"Oh Lennie," she cries. "I think you just opened the window" –she touches her chest— "and let her out." (33.38)
In the same way Gram freed Lennie of her guilt about the Toby situation, Lennie does the same for Gram. By telling Gram it wasn't her fault that Paige stayed away, she "let her out." But let Paige out of where? Where is the window Gram refers to? Is it in Gram's heart, just like how Lennie describes the door in her heart opening when she kisses Joe (15.27-28)? Or is Gram talking about a window of the house? Remember, Paige is all over the house, in all of Gram's paintings.
Now might be a good time to check out the "Symbols" section. Just sayin'…