Movie Theater Usher. Salary: $8.00/hour 

You perpetually smell like popcorn, have now seen that Star Wars trailer about a gazillion times, and are sick and tired of telling people they can't bring a bottle of water in from outside the building. On the upside, you told that cute guy at the coffee shop that you worked "in the movie business" and he seemed to buy it.

Sports Stadium Usher. Salary: $9.15/hour 

You deal with thousands upon thousands of people, all of whom are busy trying to switch to better seats and sneak their friends in. It's difficult keeping up with all of it, but any time you think you aren't being paid enough, you remember that you get to watch most of the ballgame for free, and suffer pretty much zero consequences anytime someone slips past you. It could definitely be worse.

Theatre Usher. Salary: $9.87/hour 

Working for an actual theatre is your classiest gig yet, allowing you to wear an actual suit to work instead of that weird Velcro one they had you in at the twenty-plex. You may not make much, but you do get a discount on tickets to off-Broadway shows. Now if only you hadn't already seen the first and last ten minutes of every single show playing.

White House Chief Usher. Salary: $44.20/hour 

Everyone needs someone to open doors and show people where to sit...even the President of the United States. You've managed to join a long and venerable line of Chief Ushers, and while it's fundamentally unclear whether or not you actually worked as what most people would consider to be "an usher" before this, you still manage to take care of the prez's guests in style. Just don't get mad the next time someone accidentally calls you a butler.

Actually Usher. Salary: $1,105.76/hour 

We're not sure how you've pulled it off, but you've actually become Usher, enjoying a life on stage and a net worth of about $180,000,000 (source). Sometimes you sing, other times you make movies. Your life is incredible, and has nothing at all to do with checking tickets or escorting people to their chairs.