Interview with Iris
Iris was pretty bummed when the gods started using modern communication. All this Facebooking, Tweeting, emailing, and texting totally put her out of her job as messenger goddess. Of course, as the following record of her texts will show, sometimes there's just no replacement for the old-school way of doing things.
Iris's Texts
Zephyrus
April 25, 6:00 P.M.
Hey, baby, where you at?
Be home soon. Ran into
the Harpies. Said the
Boreads were harassing
them again.
K
April 25, 10:00 P.M.
Gettin worried...
Sorry...soon. Chased the
Boreads off. Getting a
couple drinks with the
girls.
Tell the Harpies not
to poop on anything.
It's who they are! B more
sensitive to their culture.
Srry. You know I love
your sisters.
Sure.
Come home soooon!
April 25, 12:30 A.M.
U OK?
SRRY! Ran into Aphrodite.
Things are getting a little
crazy.
I don't like you hanging
out with her.
She's lovely.
T.R.O.U.B.L.E.
Whatevs, she's still grateful
that I rescued her from the
battlefield back in the Trojan
War. So she's always wanting
to hang out.
She's a bad influence.
You never want me to hang out
with popular goddesses.
Not true.
Anywayz... going to that casino
down in Elysium. Will b late.
The Underworld?!
Why not? My rainbow arcs right
down there.
Totally shady! Not safe!
It's fine. I used to go down
there all the time to get pitchers
of water from the River
Styx so the gods could
swear on it.
Oh, you mean like when
you swore to be my wife?
What's that supposed to mean?
A wife should be home
with her husband.
Iris?
Don't ignore my texts!
!!!!!
Maybe I should have stayed
a virgin goddess.
B home late.
April 25, 3:00 A.M.
Are you doing this to spite
me now?
OMG don't be so dramatic.
Was just talking to Dido.
Haven't seen her since
I helped guide her soul here.
Aeneas is around wanting
her back, and she wants my
advice.
It's none of yr business.
Everything used to be my
business when I was a messenger
goddess. What am I now but
some pretty colors in the sky?
R u still at the casino?!!
Nah, the Harpies started
pooping on everything,
so they kicked us out.
Coming home?
Going to stare into the depths
of tortoise.
What?
*Tartarus
Don't!
Maybe, I can catch a glimpse
of my twin sister, Arce.
She's gone, Iris.
She isn't gone. She's trapped
in that black pit where Zeus
threw her after he ripped off
her wings.
That was a long time
ago.
How could I ever serve a god
who would do that? Was it
really so terrible that Arce
decided to serve Kronos during
the War of the Titans? Zeus
is such a jerk. All he does is
use goddesses up and toss them
away.
April 25, 4:30 A.M.
Getting seriously worried.
I know things have been
tough ever since Zeus and
Hera started texting and
emailing and Fbking instead
of using you and Hermes
for messages. But please,
don't take it out on
yourself.
Yr right. I'm SOo sad. ☹ Be home
soon. Really, this time.
Hera
April 26, 6:00 A.M.
Iris, I require your assistance
in delivering a message.
Report to Olympus immediately.
April 26, 12:00 P.M.
Did you get my text?
Just woke up. Long night.
I require you. Now.
Don't get all bossy with
me. I thought you guys didn't
need me anymore.
I could have you thrown
into Tartarus!
Go ahead. At least my sister
wouldn't be alone anymore.
What's the matter with
you?! You used to be so
so chipper all the time.
Until you guys abandoned me.
We were wrong to do so.
Really?!
I need your help. Please!
I need a stern message
delivered to one of Zeus's
new lovers.
Why don't you just text
her?
I tried, but I don't think she
was fazed. A message
is much more dramatic when
it comes from a golden
winged goddess gliding
down a rainbow.
B there in a few.
Zephyrus
April 26, 2012 5:00 P.M.
Just got home. Where are you?
Ugh, I hope you aren't at that
casino again.
Nope. I'm working. ☺