I am starting this journal because my therapist, Dr. Dochtúir, told me to. He said it would help with "managing my feelings" in "nonviolent ways."
Okay, done for today.
Dr. Dochtúir gave me an assignment that's meant to "connect me to my feelings." I have to write two things that drove me crazy today and how I reacted to each one, and then I have to meditate for twenty minutes. So, here's the list:
(1) Drives me crazy: Men. I love them, they love me, but sometimes I do not understand them. Just today, Cúchulainn told me to leave him alone because he was "too tired" to make out, and then he claimed that he thought I was someone else. What does that even mean?? And this isn't the first time this has happened with a guy. I'll be all like, whoa, are you cheating on me? Don't you think I'm pretty anymore? And these dudes are all "Baby, you look like a crow" or "Baby, you made yourself look like a blonde princess instead of the gorgeous redhead I know and love" or "Baby, when you turn into an eel, it really freaks me out." I'm pretty sure they're lying, though.
How I reacted: I turned into a wolf and bit Cúchulainn on the leg. I hope it gets infected.
(2) Drives me crazy: Haters. This lady at the bank made some comment about blood being all over my hands, and she refused to deposit my check. What the heck, man?
How I reacted: I turned into a crow and went all Alfred Hitchcock on her. Freaked her out good. Now I have to meditate, I guess. Though, honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with how I handled things.
Dr. Dochtúir says I need to talk about my feelings. How do I feel when I'm on a battlefield, how do I feel when I'm depicted as a villain in pop culture, how do I feel when I can't hang out with my sisters. This is new territory for me. I usually just feel powerful, but Dr. Dochtúir told me that was a "lazy" answer.
Okay, how do I feel when I'm
• on the battlefield: Awesome. End of story.
• depicted as a villain: Pretty upset, actually. It's like they think being a war goddess makes you one dimensional. I'm a fertility goddess, too, people! I'm more than just a pretty face with superpowers.
• unable to hang with my sisters: Sad. They complete me.
Today in therapy we jumped into a little Family History Time. I'm supposed to write about where I come from and how I think that impacts my life.
So I hail from the Tuatha Dé Danann. We're a pretty cool group, very wise and good at everything. I have parents and siblings and what have you. My triplet sisters, Badb and Macha, are my best homies, though. We do everything together. We even go to therapy at the same time, but we have different therapists because we couldn't find one who would take all of us at once. We're "too scary" or something. I had a son, Mechi, but he was killed because there was a prophecy that the three snakes that lived in his three hearts would grow super huge and devastate all of Ireland. I try not to think about it. Maybe that's one of the reasons I hide my feelings behind a mask of sadism?
Nah. I'm awesome.
October 31/November 1
SAMAIN! My favorite day! I was fondly remembering my trysts with the Dagda and then our subsequent hardcore beating of the Fomorian army. Those guys were so rude. Bres thought he was the bee's knees, but we showed that handsome thug who's boss.
Wow. I kind of like this journaling thing, it turns out. Why else would I be doing it after that whole therapy fiasco? There ended up being a "conflict of interest". (He was on Badb's collection list, and apparently it's weird to treat someone whose sister is predicting your death.) Anywho, Happy Samain! Eat well, drink well, and have lots of babies (Samain is a very popular night for making babies—I should know, being a fertility goddess and all).