"You can't paddle me for something I didn't do," Tom said, glaring at the teacher.
"But I can paddle you for not telling me who did it." Mr. Standish had an answer for everything. (7.45-46)
Let's all just take a moment to appreciate that it used to be okay, and even encouraged, for teachers to physically beat students who misbehaved. Can you even imagine? No thank you.
Tom was rubbing his hands gleefully as we left the schoolhouse. "I told you I would make Mr. Standish rue the day he paddled me," he chuckled. "He was a fool to go up against my great brain." (7.145)
The Great Brain almost meets his match in Mr. Standish, but he thoroughly succeeds in getting Mr. Standish fired, so go ahead and give Tom another point. Dude is so good at getting what he wants.
"I guess your little brain is too little to understand," Tom said as if I'd stabbed him in the back. "I've taken on a task no other kid in town would touch—teaching Basil English and how to be a good American kid. You saw how happy I made Basil. You saw how happy I made his father and mother. Would you rather I abandon Basil and let the other kids in town make a fool out of him the way they did playing Jackass Leapfrog? I think you owe me an apology, J.D."
I was now the one who felt ashamed. Here my brother was doing a wonderful, kind, and generous thing and I hadn't realized it. (5.83-84)
Oh, poor J.D. Life with Tom is one never-ending game of "Jackass Leapfrog," and he doesn't even realize it. Do you think he'll ever get hip to his brother's ways?
"My great brain has thought of everything," Tom said confidently. "That is why I didn't let any Mormon kids in on this. The Mormons can't drink whiskey because it's against their religion." (7.101)
If there's one thing Tom knows, it's when to exclude people based on their religion. Er… good thinking, Tom?
"Where else could this bottle have come from?" Mrs. Taylor demanded. "You and your boarders are the only people in the block who aren't Mormons, and you know us Mormons never touch alcohol."
"Then you must have a backslider in your midst," Jimmie's mother said. "I would not take in a boarder who drank or smoked." (7.122-123)
These ladies are working up to a real holier-than-thou religious war, all thanks to Tom's devious whiskey-planting plot.
The crowd made a pathway as Mr. Jensen put Tom down. They kept cheering and reaching out to pat my brother on the shoulder as we walked down Cedar Ridge with Mamma and Papa. They even followed us home and stood in the street in front of our house.
I followed Papa, Mamma, Sweyn, and Tom into our parlor. Tom walked to the big bay window and looked out at the crowd in the street.
"I guess I'll have to speak to them," he said. (3.201-203)
If Tom doesn't grow up and go into politics, we're going to be so disappointed.
"Papa isn't going to like this one bit," Tom said. "Papa says it is brains that count and not muscles. When he finds out you made me give up a good money-making scheme my great brain thought up, he is going to be mighty angry with you, Mamma. You just wait and see."
"When your father comes home," Mamma said, not in the least cowed by Tom's threats, "I'll have him explain to you the difference between an honest business transaction and swindling your friends." (1.155-157)
Is there really a difference in Tom's mind? How can you tell?
"I saw the picture of the set in the Sears Roebuck catalog," Tom said. "It costs six dollars. If I had a set like that, I could make a fortune."
"How?" I asked.
"By charging kids a penny an hour to play with it," Tom answered. Then his face became thoughtful. "Maybe I can work out a deal with Andy." (8.6-8)
Tom probably sees this plan as a great business opportunity for Andy, not as an attempt to exploit his seriously injured friend's coolest toy.
I knew Tom had this on his mind when he approached me with a proposition. We were sitting on our back porch steps just sort of lazily enjoying the beginning of the summer vacation.
"J.D.," Tom said, "let me arrange to mate Brownie with Lady and I'll see to it that you get the pick of the litter of pups."
"I don't need you to arrange it," I said, thinking he was going to charge me for it. "As the owner of the male dog I get the pick of the litter anyway." (3.4-6)
We call it "summer vacation," Tom calls it "new money-making plans" season. Hey, he's not doing anything else—he might as well chip away at his dream of becoming a millionaire.
"Do you promise to put yourself in complete charge of my great brain and do everything I tell you to do?" he asked. (8.191)
These are dangerous words coming from Tom, but they're Andy's only hope.