Brief Summary
The Set-Up
Following the Spanish-American War, the U.S. got one of those awkward gifts from Spain. You know, the kind that you don't really want but can't just give back?
Well, the problem was that the gift was the island nation of the Philippines. What were they to do?
The Text
Bryan tries everything to convince America that getting all involved in the Philippines is a terrible, terrible idea:
- He tries saying that Americans don't play that empire game.
- He says that Thomas Jefferson, pretty much the coolest American ever, thought imperialism was lame.
- He says that Jesus never built an empire, so why should America?
- But, hey: he's a Democrat so he also throws in some insults towards the Republican Party. Just for good measure.
He does everything but get on his hands and knees to beg the U.S. to do the right thing.
TL;DR
William Jennings Bryan pretty much sings John Lennon's "Give Peace a Chance" to an American audience debating whether to go to war and annex the Philippines.