Twelfth Night, or What You Will: Act 1, Scene 3 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 1, Scene 3 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text	Translated Text
Source: Folger Shakespeare Library
Enter Sir Toby and Maria. TOBY What a plague means my niece to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure care’s an enemy to life. MARIA By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o’ nights. Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions 5 to your ill hours. TOBY Why, let her except before excepted! MARIA Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order. TOBY Confine? I’ll confine myself no finer than I am. 10 These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too. An they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps!	Meanwhile, back at Olivia's pad, Sir Toby Belch (who has been drinking all night) complains that his niece, Olivia, needs to snap out it—she's mourned for her dead brother long enough and now it's time to party. Maria lays into Toby and warns him to come home at a more reasonable hour, because Olivia's sick and tired of him staying out late. Toby says that's just too bad—he's gotta fight for his right to party.
MARIA That quaffing and drinking will undo you. I heard my lady talk of it yesterday, and of a foolish 15 knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer. TOBY Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek? MARIA Ay, he. TOBY He’s as tall a man as any ’s in Illyria. 20 MARIA What’s that to th’ purpose? TOBY Why, he has three thousand ducats a year! MARIA Ay, but he’ll have but a year in all these ducats. He’s a very fool and a prodigal. TOBY Fie that you’ll say so! He plays o’ th’ viol-de-gamboys 25 and speaks three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature. MARIA He hath indeed, almost natural, for, besides that he’s a fool, he’s a great quarreler, and, but that 30 he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarreling, ’tis thought among the prudent he would quickly have the gift of a grave. TOBY By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors that say so of him. Who are they? 35 MARIA They that add, moreover, he’s drunk nightly in your company. TOBY With drinking healths to my niece. I’ll drink to her as long as there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria. He’s a coward and a coistrel that 40 will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o’ th’ toe like a parish top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo, for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.	Having given Toby Belch a little piece of her mind, Maria starts in on Toby's guest and drinking buddy, Sir Andrew Aguecheek. When Toby brags that Aguecheek's super rich, Maria scoffs that he'll probably burn through his cash within the year because he's an idiot who does nothing but drink. Toby defends his good buddy and says Aguecheek speaks three or four languages and plays a musical instrument, too. Maria's not impressed and points out that Aguecheek's a drunken fool and likes to pick fights that he can't win. He's a coward and will probably get himself killed, she insists. Toby's feeling blissfully belligerent and explains why Aguecheek's always drunk—because he's always drinking toasts to Olivia's good health, of course. Toby, who is clearly still wasted from partying all night, then brags that he'll beat the heck out of any man that refuses to drink a toast to Olivia.
Enter Sir Andrew. ANDREW Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch? TOBY Sweet Sir Andrew! 45 ANDREW, to Maria Bless you, fair shrew. MARIA And you too, sir. TOBY Accost, Sir Andrew, accost! ANDREW What’s that? TOBY My niece’s chambermaid. 50 ANDREW Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance. MARIA My name is Mary, sir. ANDREW Good Mistress Mary Accost— TOBY You mistake, knight. “Accost” is front her, board 55 her, woo her, assail her. ANDREW By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of “accost”? MARIA Fare you well, gentlemen. She begins to exit. TOBY An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou 60 mightst never draw sword again. ANDREW An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand? MARIA Sir, I have not you by th’ hand. 65 ANDREW Marry, but you shall have, and here’s my hand. He offers his hand. MARIA, taking his hand Now sir, thought is free. I pray you, bring your hand to th’ butt’ry bar and let it drink. 70 ANDREW Wherefore, sweetheart? What’s your metaphor? MARIA It’s dry, sir. ANDREW Why, I think so. I am not such an ass but I can keep my hand dry. But what’s your jest? 75 MARIA A dry jest, sir. ANDREW Are you full of them? MARIA Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers’ ends. Marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren. Maria exits. TOBY O knight, thou lack’st a cup of canary! When did 80 I see thee so put down? ANDREW Never in your life, I think, unless you see canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has. But I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that 85 does harm to my wit.	Just then, Sir Andrew Aguecheek shows up. He says, "What's up?" to his pal Toby and introduces himself to Maria, who proceeds to rag on him. Toby gives his boy a hard time for letting a woman clown him like that. The two then proceed to talk smack and fall into what seems to be a familiar pattern of drunken banter.
TOBY No question. ANDREW An I thought that, I’d forswear it. I’ll ride home tomorrow, Sir Toby. TOBY Pourquoi, my dear knight? 90 ANDREW What is “pourquoi”? Do, or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in fencing, dancing, and bearbaiting. O, had I but followed the arts! TOBY Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair. 95 ANDREW Why, would that have mended my hair? TOBY Past question, for thou seest it will not curl by nature. ANDREW But it becomes me well enough, does ’t not? TOBY Excellent! It hangs like flax on a distaff, and I 100 hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs and spin it off. ANDREW Faith, I’ll home tomorrow, Sir Toby. Your niece will not be seen, or if she be, it’s four to one she’ll none of me. The Count himself here hard by 105 woos her.	Sir Andrew Aguecheek says he's had a swell time partying with Toby, but it's time for him to get home, especially since it seems Olivia's not interested in marrying him. (Remember, Olivia has sworn off men, including Duke Orsino.)
TOBY She’ll none o’ th’ Count. She’ll not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit. I have heard her swear ’t. Tut, there’s life in ’t, man. ANDREW I’ll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o’ th’ 110 strangest mind i’ th’ world. I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether. TOBY Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight? ANDREW As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters, and yet I will not 115 compare with an old man. TOBY What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight? ANDREW Faith, I can cut a caper. TOBY And I can cut the mutton to ’t. ANDREW And I think I have the back-trick simply as 120 strong as any man in Illyria. TOBY Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have these gifts a curtain before ’em? Are they like to take dust, like Mistress Mall’s picture? Why dost thou not go to church in a galliard and come home 125 in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig. I would not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard. 130 ANDREW Ay, ’tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a dun-colored stock. Shall we set about some revels? TOBY What shall we do else? Were we not born under Taurus? 135 ANDREW Taurus? That’s sides and heart. TOBY No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper. Sir Andrew dances. Ha, higher! Ha, ha, excellent! They exit.	Nonsense, Toby says, there's no way Olivia will get with Duke Orsino, so Aguecheek should hang in there a bit longer. Aguecheek says he might as well stick around for another month or so. Why not? There's always a great party to go to. The two talk a little more trash and then run off.

Original Text

Translated Text

Enter Sir Toby and Maria.

TOBY What a plague means my niece to take the death
of her brother thus? I am sure care’s an enemy to
life.

MARIA By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier
o’ nights. Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions 5
to your ill hours.

TOBY Why, let her except before excepted!

MARIA Ay, but you must confine yourself within the
modest limits of order.

TOBY Confine? I’ll confine myself no finer than I am. 10
These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so
be these boots too. An they be not, let them hang
themselves in their own straps!

Meanwhile, back at Olivia's pad, Sir Toby Belch (who has been drinking all night) complains that his niece, Olivia, needs to snap out it—she's mourned for her dead brother long enough and now it's time to party.

Maria lays into Toby and warns him to come home at a more reasonable hour, because Olivia's sick and tired of him staying out late.

Toby says that's just too bad—he's gotta fight for his right to party.

MARIA That quaffing and drinking will undo you. I
heard my lady talk of it yesterday, and of a foolish 15
knight that you brought in one night here to be her
wooer.

TOBY Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

MARIA Ay, he.

TOBY He’s as tall a man as any ’s in Illyria. 20

MARIA What’s that to th’ purpose?

TOBY Why, he has three thousand ducats a year!

MARIA Ay, but he’ll have but a year in all these ducats.
He’s a very fool and a prodigal.

TOBY Fie that you’ll say so! He plays o’ th’ viol-de-gamboys 25
and speaks three or four languages word
for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of
nature.

MARIA He hath indeed, almost natural, for, besides
that he’s a fool, he’s a great quarreler, and, but that 30
he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath
in quarreling, ’tis thought among the prudent he
would quickly have the gift of a grave.

TOBY By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors
that say so of him. Who are they? 35

MARIA They that add, moreover, he’s drunk nightly in
your company.

TOBY With drinking healths to my niece. I’ll drink to
her as long as there is a passage in my throat and
drink in Illyria. He’s a coward and a coistrel that 40
will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o’ th’
toe like a parish top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo,
for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

Having given Toby Belch a little piece of her mind, Maria starts in on Toby's guest and drinking buddy, Sir Andrew Aguecheek. When Toby brags that Aguecheek's super rich, Maria scoffs that he'll probably burn through his cash within the year because he's an idiot who does nothing but drink.

Toby defends his good buddy and says Aguecheek speaks three or four languages and plays a musical instrument, too.

Maria's not impressed and points out that Aguecheek's a drunken fool and likes to pick fights that he can't win. He's a coward and will probably get himself killed, she insists.

Toby's feeling blissfully belligerent and explains why Aguecheek's always drunk—because he's always drinking toasts to Olivia's good health, of course. Toby, who is clearly still wasted from partying all night, then brags that he'll beat the heck out of any man that refuses to drink a toast to Olivia.

Enter Sir Andrew.

ANDREW Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch?

TOBY Sweet Sir Andrew! 45

ANDREW, to Maria Bless you, fair shrew.

MARIA And you too, sir.

TOBY Accost, Sir Andrew, accost!

ANDREW What’s that?

TOBY My niece’s chambermaid. 50

ANDREW Good Mistress Accost, I desire better
acquaintance.

MARIA My name is Mary, sir.

ANDREW Good Mistress Mary Accost—

TOBY You mistake, knight. “Accost” is front her, board 55
her, woo her, assail her.

ANDREW By my troth, I would not undertake her in
this company. Is that the meaning of “accost”?

MARIA Fare you well, gentlemen. She begins to exit.

TOBY An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou 60
mightst never draw sword again.

ANDREW An you part so, mistress, I would I might
never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you
have fools in hand?

MARIA Sir, I have not you by th’ hand. 65

ANDREW Marry, but you shall have, and here’s my
hand. He offers his hand.

MARIA, taking his hand Now sir, thought is free. I
pray you, bring your hand to th’ butt’ry bar and let
it drink. 70

ANDREW Wherefore, sweetheart? What’s your
metaphor?

MARIA It’s dry, sir.

ANDREW Why, I think so. I am not such an ass but I
can keep my hand dry. But what’s your jest? 75

MARIA A dry jest, sir.

ANDREW Are you full of them?

MARIA Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers’ ends. Marry,
now I let go your hand, I am barren.

Maria exits.

TOBY O knight, thou lack’st a cup of canary! When did 80
I see thee so put down?

ANDREW Never in your life, I think, unless you see
canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have
no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man
has. But I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that 85
does harm to my wit.

Just then, Sir Andrew Aguecheek shows up. He says, "What's up?" to his pal Toby and introduces himself to Maria, who proceeds to rag on him.

Toby gives his boy a hard time for letting a woman clown him like that. The two then proceed to talk smack and fall into what seems to be a familiar pattern of drunken banter.

TOBY No question.

ANDREW An I thought that, I’d forswear it. I’ll ride
home tomorrow, Sir Toby.

TOBY Pourquoi, my dear knight? 90

ANDREW What is “pourquoi”? Do, or not do? I would I
had bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in
fencing, dancing, and bearbaiting. O, had I but
followed the arts!

TOBY Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair. 95

ANDREW Why, would that have mended my hair?

TOBY Past question, for thou seest it will not curl by
nature.

ANDREW But it becomes me well enough, does ’t not?

TOBY Excellent! It hangs like flax on a distaff, and I 100
hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs
and spin it off.

ANDREW Faith, I’ll home tomorrow, Sir Toby. Your
niece will not be seen, or if she be, it’s four to one
she’ll none of me. The Count himself here hard by 105
woos her.

Sir Andrew Aguecheek says he's had a swell time partying with Toby, but it's time for him to get home, especially since it seems Olivia's not interested in marrying him. (Remember, Olivia has sworn off men, including Duke Orsino.)

TOBY She’ll none o’ th’ Count. She’ll not match above
her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit. I have
heard her swear ’t. Tut, there’s life in ’t, man.

ANDREW I’ll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o’ th’ 110
strangest mind i’ th’ world. I delight in masques
and revels sometimes altogether.

TOBY Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?

ANDREW As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be,
under the degree of my betters, and yet I will not 115
compare with an old man.

TOBY What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?

ANDREW Faith, I can cut a caper.

TOBY And I can cut the mutton to ’t.

ANDREW And I think I have the back-trick simply as 120
strong as any man in Illyria.

TOBY Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have
these gifts a curtain before ’em? Are they like to
take dust, like Mistress Mall’s picture? Why dost
thou not go to church in a galliard and come home 125
in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig. I would
not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace.
What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues
in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy
leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard. 130

ANDREW Ay, ’tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
dun-colored stock. Shall we set about some
revels?

TOBY What shall we do else? Were we not born under
Taurus? 135

ANDREW Taurus? That’s sides and heart.

TOBY No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee
caper. Sir Andrew dances. Ha, higher! Ha, ha,
excellent!

They exit.

Nonsense, Toby says, there's no way Olivia will get with Duke Orsino, so Aguecheek should hang in there a bit longer.

Aguecheek says he might as well stick around for another month or so. Why not? There's always a great party to go to. The two talk a little more trash and then run off.

Twelfth Night, or What You Will: Act 1, Scene 3 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 1, Scene 3 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text

Translated Text

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