A side-by-side translation of Act 2, Scene 5 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.
Original Text |
Translated Text |
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| Source: Folger Shakespeare Library | |
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian. TOBY Come thy ways, Signior Fabian. FABIAN Nay, I’ll come. If I lose a scruple of this sport, TOBY Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly FABIAN I would exult, man. You know he brought me TOBY To anger him, we’ll have the bear again, and we ANDREW An we do not, it is pity of our lives. | In Olivia's garden, Toby and Aguecheek hang out with Fabian, who worries that he'll get in trouble again if he helps them trick Malvolio. Seems Malvolio told on Fabian earlier for holding a bear-baiting contest at Olivia's place. (Bear-baiting was a popular Elizabethan blood sport, where bears were tied up to a stake and forced to fight unleashed dogs.) Toby Belch says not to worry—they'll make Malvolio pay for being such a drag. |
Enter Maria. TOBY Here comes the little villain.—How now, my MARIA Get you all three into the boxtree. Malvolio’s She exits. | Maria enters and tells the men Malvolio has been hanging out alone practicing acting super cool for the past half hour. Now he's headed this way, and she knows the letter she wrote is going to make him act like an even bigger fool. She tells everyone to hide behind a tree and put the letter on the ground for Malvolio to find. |
Enter Malvolio. MALVOLIO ’Tis but fortune, all is fortune. Maria once TOBY, aside Here’s an overweening rogue. FABIAN, aside O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare ANDREW, aside ’Slight, I could so beat the rogue! TOBY, aside Peace, I say. MALVOLIO To be Count Malvolio. TOBY, aside Ah, rogue! 35 ANDREW, aside Pistol him, pistol him! TOBY, aside Peace, peace! MALVOLIO There is example for ’t. The lady of the ANDREW, aside Fie on him, Jezebel! 40 FABIAN, aside O, peace, now he’s deeply in. Look how MALVOLIO Having been three months married to her, TOBY, aside O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye! 45 MALVOLIO Calling my officers about me, in my TOBY, aside Fire and brimstone! FABIAN, aside O, peace, peace! 50 MALVOLIO And then to have the humor of state; and TOBY, aside Bolts and shackles! 55 FABIAN, aside O, peace, peace, peace! Now, now. MALVOLIO Seven of my people, with an obedient start, TOBY, aside Shall this fellow live? FABIAN, aside Though our silence be drawn from us MALVOLIO I extend my hand to him thus, quenching TOBY, aside And does not Toby take you a blow o’ the MALVOLIO Saying, “Cousin Toby, my fortunes, having TOBY, aside What, what? MALVOLIO “You must amend your drunkenness.” TOBY, aside Out, scab! FABIAN, aside Nay, patience, or we break the sinews 75 MALVOLIO “Besides, you waste the treasure of your ANDREW, aside That’s me, I warrant you. MALVOLIO “One Sir Andrew.” 80 ANDREW, aside I knew ’twas I, for many do call me | Malvolio enters the garden talking to himself. First he says he thinks Maria wants him, and then he fantasizes about being married to Olivia. That would make him a Count who could boss around Sir Toby and his raucous little crew. He imagines telling Toby he has to change his behavior and stop spending so much time with that foolish knight, Andrew. Toby and Aguecheek can hardly contain their laughter and their anger at Malvolio's audacity, but they (and Fabian) keep hushing one another to keep from being discovered and ruining the plan. |
MALVOLIO, seeing the letter What employment have FABIAN, aside Now is the woodcock near the gin. 85 TOBY, aside O, peace, and the spirit of humors intimate MALVOLIO, taking up the letter By my life, this is my ANDREW, aside Her c’s, her u’s, and her t’s. Why that? MALVOLIO reads "To the unknown beloved, this, and my FABIAN, aside This wins him, liver and all. MALVOLIO reads “No man must know.” What follows? The numbers TOBY, aside Marry, hang thee, brock! MALVOLIO reads FABIAN, aside A fustian riddle! TOBY, aside Excellent wench, say I. MALVOLIO “M.O.A.I. doth sway my life.” Nay, but first FABIAN, aside What dish o’ poison has she dressed 115 TOBY, aside And with what wing the staniel checks MALVOLIO “I may command where I adore.” Why, she TOBY, aside O, ay, make up that.—He is now at a cold 125 FABIAN, aside Sowter will cry upon ’t for all this, | Malvolio finds the letter and thinks right away that it's written in Olivia's handwriting. Maria is obviously pretty good at forgery. As he reads, he sees that the letter is a kind of riddle about who Olivia loves. Being arrogant, he immediately thinks it could be him. He finds a way to make all the clues fit except the part of the letter that says that "M.A.O.I" is the person Olivia loves. Toby says Maria has outdone herself. She really is an excellent wench. Malvolio is intent on figuring out the meaning of the letters, and the men continue to look on from their hiding spot, barely able to contain themselves. |
MALVOLIO “M”—Malvolio. “M”—why, that begins FABIAN, aside Did not I say he would work it out? The MALVOLIO “M.” But then there is no consonancy in FABIAN, aside And “O” shall end, I hope. TOBY, aside Ay, or I’ll cudgel him and make him cry MALVOLIO And then “I” comes behind. FABIAN, aside Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you 140 MALVOLIO “M.O.A.I.” This simulation is not as the He reads. "If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my Daylight and champian discovers not more! This is He reads. "Thou canst not choose but know who I Jove, I thank thee! I will smile. I will do everything He exits. | Malvolio works on the letters for a bit and decides that since his name starts with M, and since the rest of the letters are in his name, "M.A.O.I." must be him. Oh joy! Olivia loves him. He reads the rest of the letter and finds it full of instructions. If Malvolio loves Olivia, he should start acting like a nobleman immediately. True, she's of a higher class than he is, but some people are born into the high class, and others get there in other ways. If he's going to be her guy, he needs to start bossing people around and talking politics so he can get used to being a Count. Also, to show that he loves Olivia, he should wear those yellow stockings she likes with criss-cross lacings over them. Of course, if he's not interested, he can just keep acting like a lowly steward and she'll understand. Malvolio is psyched and ready to go. He reads the postscript, which says that even as he argues with everyone else (to prove how much above them he is), he should always smile at Olivia, even when she seems sad. "I'll do it! I'll do it all!" Malvolio cries, and he's off. |
FABIAN I will not give my part of this sport for a TOBY I could marry this wench for this device. ANDREW So could I too. TOBY And ask no other dowry with her but such ANDREW Nor I neither. 190 Enter Maria. FABIAN Here comes my noble gull-catcher. TOBY Wilt thou set thy foot o’ my neck? ANDREW Or o’ mine either? TOBY Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip and become ANDREW I’ faith, or I either? TOBY Why, thou hast put him in such a dream that MARIA Nay, but say true, does it work upon him? TOBY Like aqua vitae with a midwife. 200 MARIA If you will then see the fruits of the sport, TOBY To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil 210 ANDREW I’ll make one, too. They exit. | The men are so impressed with Maria's scheme that they all want to marry her. When Maria comes in, she asks if it worked, and they all shower her with praise. Then she laughs and says they have to see Malvolio the next time he talks to Olivia. He's going to have on yellow stockings (and Olivia hates yellow). Plus, he'll be wearing those criss-crossed laces, a fashion Olivia abhors. Plus, he's going to be smiling at her like a fool when she's in a despondent mood. She'll be so annoyed with him, but he won't get it, because the letter said he should keep on smiling away no matter how upset she seems to be. In short: it's going to be great. |