Twelfth Night, or What You Will: Act 2, Scene 3 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 2, Scene 3 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text	Translated Text
Source: Folger Shakespeare Library
Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew. TOBY Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after midnight is to be up betimes, and “diluculo surgere,” thou know’st— ANDREW Nay, by my troth, I know not. But I know to be up late is to be up late. 5 TOBY A false conclusion. I hate it as an unfilled can. To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is early, so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed betimes. Does not our lives consist of the four elements? 10 ANDREW Faith, so they say, but I think it rather consists of eating and drinking. TOBY Thou ’rt a scholar. Let us therefore eat and drink. Marian, I say, a stoup of wine!	Toby Belch and Andrew Aguecheek have just returned to Olivia's pad from another all-night party. Toby says that, since it's after midnight and they're awake, they're just like a couple of healthy people who like to wake up early. A skeptical Aguecheek says he doesn't know about all that, but Toby insists. Not only are they awake at an "early" morning hour, but they also go to bed after midnight, which means they also go to bed "early." (Umm...) Sir Andrew pipes up that all he and Toby ever really do is eat and drink, so Toby calls for another round of booze.
Enter Feste, the Fool. ANDREW Here comes the Fool, i’ faith. 15 FOOL How now, my hearts? Did you never see the picture of “We Three”? TOBY Welcome, ass! Now let’s have a catch. ANDREW By my troth, the Fool has an excellent breast. I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg, 20 and so sweet a breath to sing, as the Fool has.—In sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night when thou spok’st of Pigrogromitus of the Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus. ’Twas very good, i’ faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman. 25 Hadst it? FOOL I did impeticos thy gratillity, for Malvolio’s nose is no whipstock, my lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses. ANDREW Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling when 30 all is done. Now, a song! TOBY, giving money to the Fool Come on, there is sixpence for you. Let’s have a song. ANDREW, giving money to the Fool There’s a testril of me, too. If one knight give a— 35 FOOL Would you have a love song or a song of good life? TOBY A love song, a love song. ANDREW Ay, ay, I care not for good life. FOOLsings "O mistress mine, where are you roaming? 40 O, stay and hear! Your truelove’s coming, That can sing both high and low. Trip no further, pretty sweeting. Journeys end in lovers meeting, Every wise man’s son doth know." 45 ANDREW Excellent good, i’ faith! TOBY Good, good. FOOL sings "What is love? ’Tis not hereafter. Present mirth hath present laughter. What’s to come is still unsure. 50 In delay there lies no plenty, Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty. Youth’s a stuff will not endure."	When Feste shows up, they greet each other by saying stuff like "Welcome, ass!" Aguecheek gives Feste props for the great performance he delivered that night. He says Feste's got a great set of pipes (that's what he means by "a good breast") and the crowd enjoyed themselves on dance floor. They also dug his stand-up comic routine with all the malarkey about astrology. Aguecheek says he left a tip for Feste and hopes he got it. Toby and Aguecheek give Feste a few more coins and demand a love song, which Feste obliges.
ANDREW A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight. TOBY A contagious breath. 55 ANDREW Very sweet and contagious, i’ faith. TOBY To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall we rouse the night owl in a catch that will draw three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that? 60 ANDREW An you love me, let’s do ’t. I am dog at a catch. FOOL By ’r Lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well. ANDREW Most certain. Let our catch be “Thou Knave.” 65 FOOL “Hold thy peace, thou knave,” knight? I shall be constrained in ’t to call thee “knave,” knight. ANDREW ’Tis not the first time I have constrained one to call me “knave.” Begin, Fool. It begins “Hold thy peace.” 70 FOOL I shall never begin if I hold my peace. ANDREW Good, i’ faith. Come, begin. Catch sung.	When Feste is done, the men compliment his voice but remark that his breath stinks. Toby suggests that they all sing as loud as they can, and Andrew loves the idea. He suggests a song called "Thou Knave," in which the singers call each other knaves (i.e., jerks). Feste says that's fine, but that means I'm going to be calling you a jerk, you jerk. Andrew says it won't be the first time, and they all start singing.
Enter Maria. MARIA What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady have not called up her steward Malvolio and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me. 75 TOBY My lady’s a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio’s a Peg-a-Ramsey, and Sings. Three merry men be we. Am not I consanguineous? Am I not of her blood? Tillyvally! “Lady”! Sings. There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady. 80 FOOL Beshrew me, the knight’s in admirable fooling. ANDREW Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do I, too. He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural. TOBY sings O’ the twelfth day of December— 85 MARIA For the love o’ God, peace! Enter Malvolio. MALVOLIO My masters, are you mad? Or what are you? Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do you make an ale-house of my lady’s house, that you 90 squeak out your coziers’ catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you? TOBY We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up! MALVOLIO Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady 95 bade me tell you that, though she harbors you as her kinsman, she’s nothing allied to your disorders. If you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors, you are welcome to the house; if not, an it would please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to 100 bid you farewell.	The trio continue to fool around, singing and talking trash (much of it nonsense) when Maria enters and tells them to pipe down before Olivia kicks them out. Maria's chiding doesn't do any good, so Malvolio runs in to lecture them. Don't they have any sense of propriety? Are they crazy? Acting like a bunch of drunken commoners in a rowdy bar. Geesh. Toby blows off Malvolio, who threatens that Olivia's going to give them the boot if they keep it up.
TOBY sings Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone. MARIA Nay, good Sir Toby. FOOL sings His eyes do show his days are almost done. MALVOLIO Is ’t even so? 105 TOBY sings But I will never die. FOOL sings Sir Toby, there you lie. MALVOLIO This is much credit to you. TOBY sings Shall I bid him go? FOOL sings What an if you do? 110 TOBY sings Shall I bid him go, and spare not? FOOL sings O no, no, no, no, you dare not. TOBY Out o’ tune, sir? You lie. Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale? 115 FOOL Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i’ th’ mouth, too. TOBY Thou ’rt i’ th’ right.—Go, sir, rub your chain with crumbs.—A stoup of wine, Maria! MALVOLIO Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady’s favor 120 at anything more than contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil rule. She shall know of it, by this hand. He exits. MARIA Go shake your ears! ANDREW ’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a 125 man’s a-hungry, to challenge him the field and then to break promise with him and make a fool of him. TOBY Do ’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge. Or I’ll deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth. 130	Toby, Feste, and Aguecheek make fun of Malvolio in song and then Toby calls him a liar. He bags on Malvolio for being a such a goody-two-shoes. Who does Malvolio think he is? Old Toby and company will keep partying. Malvolio yells at Maria then and accuses her of tolerating and egging on the rowdy men. As Malvolio leaves, Maria calls "get lost" after him.
ANDREW ’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a 125 man’s a-hungry, to challenge him the field and then to break promise with him and make a fool of him. TOBY Do ’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge. Or I’ll deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth. 130 MARIA Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since the youth of the Count’s was today with my lady, she is much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me alone with him. If I do not gull him into a nayword and make him a common recreation, do not think I 135 have wit enough to lie straight in my bed. I know I can do it. TOBY Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him. MARIA Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan. ANDREW O, if I thought that, I’d beat him like a dog! 140 TOBY What, for being a puritan? Thy exquisite reason, dear knight? ANDREW I have no exquisite reason for ’t, but I have reason good enough. MARIA The devil a puritan that he is, or anything 145 constantly but a time-pleaser; an affectioned ass that cons state without book and utters it by great swaths; the best persuaded of himself, so crammed, as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is his grounds of faith that all that look on him love him. And on 150 that vice in him will my revenge find notable cause to work.	Toby and Andrew talk about how they would love to make a fool of Malvolio. Toby says he could challenge him to a duel and then not show up. Maria asks Toby and crew to take it easy tonight since Olivia's been all bent out of shape ever since she talked with "Cesario" (Viola in disguise). Maria knows Olivia's worked up over the visit, but it's not clear if she knows that Olivia has a crush on "Cesario." As for Malvolio, Maria promises to plan an elaborate prank to punish him for being such a haughty party pooper. Aguecheek says he'd beat Malvolio "like a dog" if he really was a Puritan. Maria calls Malvolio a kiss-up and a poser with secret social ambition. He's also super-arrogant, and she says that's the way to get to him.
TOBY What wilt thou do? MARIA I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love, wherein by the color of his beard, the shape of 155 his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself most feelingly personated. I can write very like my lady your niece; on a forgotten matter, we can hardly make distinction of our hands. 160 TOBY Excellent! I smell a device. ANDREW I have ’t in my nose, too. TOBY He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that they come from my niece, and that she’s in love with him. 165 MARIA My purpose is indeed a horse of that color. ANDREW And your horse now would make him an ass. MARIA Ass, I doubt not. ANDREW O, ’twill be admirable! MARIA Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic 170 will work with him. I will plant you two, and let the Fool make a third, where he shall find the letter. Observe his construction of it. For this night, to bed, and dream on the event. Farewell. TOBY Good night, Penthesilea. 175 She exits.	The men are excited for Maria's plan. What is it? Maria's going to forge some love letters and drop them where Malvolio will find them. She can write just like Olivia, so when he reads the notes, he'll be convinced that Olivia is in love with him. Oh goody. Toby and Aguecheek can't wait to mess with Malvolio. As Maria heads to bed, Toby calls her by the name of an Amazon queen.
ANDREW Before me, she’s a good wench. TOBY She’s a beagle true bred, and one that adores me. What o’ that? ANDREW I was adored once, too. TOBY Let’s to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for 180 more money. ANDREW If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out. TOBY Send for money, knight. If thou hast her not i’ th’ end, call me “Cut.” 185 ANDREW If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will. TOBY Come, come, I’ll go burn some sack. ’Tis too late to go to bed now. Come, knight; come, knight. They exit.	Andrew comments that Maria is pretty awesome, and Toby agrees. He also gets a bit territorial, saying she's very loyal, she's his, and she adores him. So hands off. Toby then tells Andrew he'd better send home for some more money since he's almost out. Andrew says he going to be in serious financial trouble if he can't get Olivia to marry him. (Ahhh, love.) Toby says she'll come around. Then, just after saying they should get to bed, he decides it's way too late to go to bed now, so they might as get some more drinks.

Original Text

Translated Text

Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew.

TOBY Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after
midnight is to be up betimes, and “diluculo surgere,”
thou know’st—

ANDREW Nay, by my troth, I know not. But I know to
be up late is to be up late. 5

TOBY A false conclusion. I hate it as an unfilled can. To
be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is early,
so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed
betimes. Does not our lives consist of the four
elements? 10

ANDREW Faith, so they say, but I think it rather consists
of eating and drinking.

TOBY Thou ’rt a scholar. Let us therefore eat and
drink. Marian, I say, a stoup of wine!

Toby Belch and Andrew Aguecheek have just returned to Olivia's pad from another all-night party. Toby says that, since it's after midnight and they're awake, they're just like a couple of healthy people who like to wake up early.

A skeptical Aguecheek says he doesn't know about all that, but Toby insists. Not only are they awake at an "early" morning hour, but they also go to bed after midnight, which means they also go to bed "early." (Umm...)

Sir Andrew pipes up that all he and Toby ever really do is eat and drink, so Toby calls for another round of booze.

Enter Feste, the Fool.

ANDREW Here comes the Fool, i’ faith. 15

FOOL How now, my hearts? Did you never see the
picture of “We Three”?

TOBY Welcome, ass! Now let’s have a catch.

ANDREW By my troth, the Fool has an excellent breast.
I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg, 20
and so sweet a breath to sing, as the Fool has.—In
sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night
when thou spok’st of Pigrogromitus of the Vapians
passing the equinoctial of Queubus. ’Twas very
good, i’ faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman. 25
Hadst it?

FOOL I did impeticos thy gratillity, for Malvolio’s nose
is no whipstock, my lady has a white hand, and the
Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.

ANDREW Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling when 30
all is done. Now, a song!

TOBY, giving money to the Fool Come on, there is
sixpence for you. Let’s have a song.

ANDREW, giving money to the Fool There’s a testril of
me, too. If one knight give a— 35

FOOL Would you have a love song or a song of good
life?

TOBY A love song, a love song.

ANDREW Ay, ay, I care not for good life.

FOOLsings
"O mistress mine, where are you roaming? 40
O, stay and hear! Your truelove’s coming,
That can sing both high and low.
Trip no further, pretty sweeting.
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man’s son doth know." 45

ANDREW Excellent good, i’ faith!

TOBY Good, good.

FOOL sings
"What is love? ’Tis not hereafter.
Present mirth hath present laughter.
What’s to come is still unsure. 50
In delay there lies no plenty,
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty.
Youth’s a stuff will not endure."

When Feste shows up, they greet each other by saying stuff like "Welcome, ass!"

Aguecheek gives Feste props for the great performance he delivered that night. He says Feste's got a great set of pipes (that's what he means by "a good breast") and the crowd enjoyed themselves on dance floor.

They also dug his stand-up comic routine with all the malarkey about astrology. Aguecheek says he left a tip for Feste and hopes he got it.

Toby and Aguecheek give Feste a few more coins and demand a love song, which Feste obliges.

ANDREW A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

TOBY A contagious breath. 55

ANDREW Very sweet and contagious, i’ faith.

TOBY To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall
we rouse the night owl in a catch that will draw
three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that? 60

ANDREW An you love me, let’s do ’t. I am dog at a
catch.

FOOL By ’r Lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.

ANDREW Most certain. Let our catch be “Thou
Knave.” 65

FOOL “Hold thy peace, thou knave,” knight? I shall be
constrained in ’t to call thee “knave,” knight.

ANDREW ’Tis not the first time I have constrained one
to call me “knave.” Begin, Fool. It begins “Hold
thy peace.” 70

FOOL I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

ANDREW Good, i’ faith. Come, begin.

Catch sung.

When Feste is done, the men compliment his voice but remark that his breath stinks.

Toby suggests that they all sing as loud as they can, and Andrew loves the idea. He suggests a song called "Thou Knave," in which the singers call each other knaves (i.e., jerks).

Feste says that's fine, but that means I'm going to be calling you a jerk, you jerk.

Andrew says it won't be the first time, and they all start singing.

Enter Maria.

MARIA What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my
lady have not called up her steward Malvolio and
bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me. 75

TOBY My lady’s a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio’s
a Peg-a-Ramsey, and Sings. Three merry men be
we. Am not I consanguineous? Am I not of her
blood? Tillyvally! “Lady”! Sings. There dwelt a man
in Babylon, lady, lady. 80

FOOL Beshrew me, the knight’s in admirable fooling.

ANDREW Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed,
and so do I, too. He does it with a better grace, but
I do it more natural.

TOBY sings O’ the twelfth day of December— 85

MARIA For the love o’ God, peace!

Enter Malvolio.

MALVOLIO My masters, are you mad? Or what are you?
Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty but to
gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do you
make an ale-house of my lady’s house, that you 90
squeak out your coziers’ catches without any mitigation
or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of
place, persons, nor time in you?

TOBY We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!

MALVOLIO Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady 95
bade me tell you that, though she harbors you as her
kinsman, she’s nothing allied to your disorders. If
you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors,
you are welcome to the house; if not, an it would
please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to 100
bid you farewell.

The trio continue to fool around, singing and talking trash (much of it nonsense) when Maria enters and tells them to pipe down before Olivia kicks them out.

Maria's chiding doesn't do any good, so Malvolio runs in to lecture them. Don't they have any sense of propriety? Are they crazy? Acting like a bunch of drunken commoners in a rowdy bar. Geesh.

Toby blows off Malvolio, who threatens that Olivia's going to give them the boot if they keep it up.

TOBY sings
Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.

MARIA Nay, good Sir Toby.

FOOL sings
His eyes do show his days are almost done.

MALVOLIO Is ’t even so? 105

TOBY sings But I will never die.

FOOL sings
Sir Toby, there you lie.

MALVOLIO This is much credit to you.

TOBY sings
Shall I bid him go?

FOOL sings
What an if you do? 110

TOBY sings
Shall I bid him go, and spare not?

FOOL sings
O no, no, no, no, you dare not.

TOBY Out o’ tune, sir? You lie. Art any more than a
steward? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous,
there shall be no more cakes and ale? 115

FOOL Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i’ th’
mouth, too.

TOBY Thou ’rt i’ th’ right.—Go, sir, rub your chain
with crumbs.—A stoup of wine, Maria!

MALVOLIO Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady’s favor 120
at anything more than contempt, you would not give
means for this uncivil rule. She shall know of it, by
this hand.

He exits.

MARIA Go shake your ears!

ANDREW ’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a 125
man’s a-hungry, to challenge him the field and
then to break promise with him and make a fool of
him.

TOBY Do ’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge. Or I’ll
deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth. 130

Toby, Feste, and Aguecheek make fun of Malvolio in song and then Toby calls him a liar. He bags on Malvolio for being a such a goody-two-shoes. Who does Malvolio think he is? Old Toby and company will keep partying.

Malvolio yells at Maria then and accuses her of tolerating and egging on the rowdy men.

As Malvolio leaves, Maria calls "get lost" after him.

ANDREW ’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a 125
man’s a-hungry, to challenge him the field and
then to break promise with him and make a fool of
him.

TOBY Do ’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge. Or I’ll
deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth. 130

MARIA Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since the
youth of the Count’s was today with my lady, she is
much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me
alone with him. If I do not gull him into a nayword
and make him a common recreation, do not think I 135
have wit enough to lie straight in my bed. I know I
can do it.

TOBY Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him.

MARIA Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.

ANDREW O, if I thought that, I’d beat him like a dog! 140

TOBY What, for being a puritan? Thy exquisite reason,
dear knight?

ANDREW I have no exquisite reason for ’t, but I have
reason good enough.

MARIA The devil a puritan that he is, or anything 145
constantly but a time-pleaser; an affectioned ass
that cons state without book and utters it by great
swaths; the best persuaded of himself, so crammed,
as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is his grounds
of faith that all that look on him love him. And on 150
that vice in him will my revenge find notable cause
to work.

Toby and Andrew talk about how they would love to make a fool of Malvolio. Toby says he could challenge him to a duel and then not show up.

Maria asks Toby and crew to take it easy tonight since Olivia's been all bent out of shape ever since she talked with "Cesario" (Viola in disguise). Maria knows Olivia's worked up over the visit, but it's not clear if she knows that Olivia has a crush on "Cesario."

As for Malvolio, Maria promises to plan an elaborate prank to punish him for being such a haughty party pooper.

Aguecheek says he'd beat Malvolio "like a dog" if he really was a Puritan.

Maria calls Malvolio a kiss-up and a poser with secret social ambition. He's also super-arrogant, and she says that's the way to get to him.

TOBY What wilt thou do?

MARIA I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of
love, wherein by the color of his beard, the shape of 155
his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure of his
eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself
most feelingly personated. I can write very like my
lady your niece; on a forgotten matter, we can
hardly make distinction of our hands. 160

TOBY Excellent! I smell a device.

ANDREW I have ’t in my nose, too.

TOBY He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop,
that they come from my niece, and that she’s in
love with him. 165

MARIA My purpose is indeed a horse of that color.

ANDREW And your horse now would make him an ass.

MARIA Ass, I doubt not.

ANDREW O, ’twill be admirable!

MARIA Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic 170
will work with him. I will plant you two, and let the
Fool make a third, where he shall find the letter.
Observe his construction of it. For this night, to bed,
and dream on the event. Farewell.

TOBY Good night, Penthesilea. 175

She exits.

The men are excited for Maria's plan. What is it?

Maria's going to forge some love letters and drop them where Malvolio will find them. She can write just like Olivia, so when he reads the notes, he'll be convinced that Olivia is in love with him.

Oh goody. Toby and Aguecheek can't wait to mess with Malvolio.

As Maria heads to bed, Toby calls her by the name of an Amazon queen.

ANDREW Before me, she’s a good wench.

TOBY She’s a beagle true bred, and one that adores
me. What o’ that?

ANDREW I was adored once, too.

TOBY Let’s to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for 180
more money.

ANDREW If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way
out.

TOBY Send for money, knight. If thou hast her not i’
th’ end, call me “Cut.” 185

ANDREW If I do not, never trust me, take it how you
will.

TOBY Come, come, I’ll go burn some sack. ’Tis too
late to go to bed now. Come, knight; come, knight.

They exit.

Andrew comments that Maria is pretty awesome, and Toby agrees. He also gets a bit territorial, saying she's very loyal, she's his, and she adores him. So hands off.

Toby then tells Andrew he'd better send home for some more money since he's almost out.

Andrew says he going to be in serious financial trouble if he can't get Olivia to marry him. (Ahhh, love.)

Toby says she'll come around. Then, just after saying they should get to bed, he decides it's way too late to go to bed now, so they might as get some more drinks.

Twelfth Night, or What You Will: Act 2, Scene 3 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 2, Scene 3 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text

Translated Text

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