Twelfth Night, or What You Will: Act 4, Scene 2 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 4, Scene 2 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text	Translated Text
Source: Folger Shakespeare Library
Enter Maria and Feste, the Fool. MARIA Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard; make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate. Do it quickly. I’ll call Sir Toby the whilst. She exits. FOOL Well, I’ll put it on and I will dissemble myself in ’t, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled 5 in such a gown. He puts on gown and beard. I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be thought a good student, but to be said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar. 10 The competitors enter. Enter Toby and Maria. TOBY Jove bless thee, Master Parson. FOOL Bonos dies, Sir Toby; for, as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc “That that is, is,” so I, 15 being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for what is “that” but “that” and “is” but “is”? TOBY To him, Sir Topas. FOOL, disguising his voice What ho, I say! Peace in this prison! 20 TOBY The knave counterfeits well. A good knave.	Inside Olivia's house, Maria makes Feste wear a disguise and pretend he's a clergyman named Sir Topas, who has come to visit Malvolio. Malvolio is now locked up like a prisoner in a dark room in Olivia's house. Remember, Olivia told Maria, Toby, and crew to take care of him when it seemed that Malvolio had gone mad. Maria and Toby are pretending to believe that Malvolio is "possessed" and needs an exorcism. Feste makes a crack about how he's not the first fraud to wear a clergyman's outfit. Then he tries out his fake priest's voice and Toby compliments him. He's pretty good at impersonating a clergyman.
Malvolio within. MALVOLIO Who calls there? FOOL Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic. MALVOLIO Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to 25 my lady— FOOL Out, hyperbolical fiend! How vexest thou this man! Talkest thou nothing but of ladies? TOBY, aside Well said, Master Parson. MALVOLIO Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. 30 Good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad. They have laid me here in hideous darkness— FOOL Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Sayst 35 thou that house is dark? MALVOLIO As hell, Sir Topas. FOOL Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clerestories toward the south-north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest 40 thou of obstruction? MALVOLIO I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this house is dark. FOOL Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than 45 the Egyptians in their fog. MALVOLIO I say this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell. And I say there was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you are. Make the trial of it in any 50 constant question. FOOL What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wildfowl? MALVOLIO That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird. 55 FOOL What thinkst thou of his opinion? MALVOLIO I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion. FOOL Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness. Thou shalt hold th’ opinion of Pythagoras ere I will 60 allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.	Feste the Fool approaches Malvolio and pretends to be "Sir Topas." "Sir Topas" says that he's come to visit "Malvolio the lunatic." Malvolio begs "Sir Topas" to fetch Olivia so the whole mess can be straightened out. "Sir Topas" says Malvolio's been possessed by a sex-crazed devil and proceeds with the mock exorcism. Malvolio complains about the darkness of the room but "Sir Topas" insists it's perfectly well lit. It has bay windows that are as clear as a stone wall and windows facing north and south that are blackened. So...really, Feste is agreeing that it's dark, but he's talking in riddles and saying that Malvolio thinks it's dark because he's mad. Malvolio insists he's sane and tells the fool to ask him a common sense question to prove it. The fool asks him about Pythagoras, and Malvolio answers, correctly, that Pythagoras believed in reincarnation, a philosophy Malvolio doesn't agree with. The fool turns Malvolio's views against him and steps out.
MALVOLIO Sir Topas, Sir Topas! TOBY My most exquisite Sir Topas! 65 FOOL Nay, I am for all waters. MARIA Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and gown. He sees thee not. TOBY To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou find’st him. I would we were well rid 70 of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offense with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber. 75 Toby and Maria exit. FOOL sings, in his own voice "Hey, Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how thy lady does." MALVOLIO Fool! FOOL sings "My lady is unkind, perdy." MALVOLIO Fool! 80 FOOL sings "Alas, why is she so?" MALVOLIO Fool, I say! FOOL sings "She loves another—" Who calls, ha? MALVOLIO Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at 85 my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for ’t. FOOL Master Malvolio? MALVOLIO Ay, good Fool. 90 FOOL Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits? MALVOLIO Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused. I am as well in my wits, Fool, as thou art. FOOL But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a Fool. 95 MALVOLIO They have here propertied me, keep me in darkness, send ministers to me—asses!—and do all they can to face me out of my wits. FOOL Advise you what you say. The minister is here. In the voice of Sir Topas. Malvolio, Malvolio, thy 100 wits the heavens restore. Endeavor thyself to sleep and leave thy vain bibble-babble.	Maria and Toby are tickled with the Fool's performance, and Maria comments that Feste could have pulled off the prank without the physical costume since the whole joke depends more on Feste's ability to disguise his voice, not his looks. Toby tells Feste to go back to Malvolio and play himself and Sir Topas. Feste obliges. Feste returns to Malvolio and sings one of his catchy little songs. Malvolio recognizes Feste's voice and begs the Fool to fetch him a pen, paper, and a light so he can write a letter that will exonerate him. Feste treats Malvolio like a madman and Malvolio tries to explain that Toby and crew have locked him up and sent an exorcist in order to make him go crazy. Feste uses his "Sir Topas" voice and advises Malvolio to get some sleep.
MALVOLIO Sir Topas! FOOL, as Sir Topas Maintain no words with him, good fellow. As Fool. Who, I, sir? Not I, sir! God buy 105 you, good Sir Topas. As Sir Topas. Marry, amen. As Fool. I will, sir, I will. MALVOLIO Fool! Fool! Fool, I say! FOOL Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to you. 110 MALVOLIO Good Fool, help me to some light and some paper. I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria. FOOL Welladay that you were, sir! MALVOLIO By this hand, I am. Good Fool, some ink, 115 paper, and light; and convey what I will set down to my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did. FOOL I will help you to ’t. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit? 120 MALVOLIO Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true. FOOL Nay, I’ll ne’er believe a madman till I see his brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink. MALVOLIO Fool, I’ll requite it in the highest degree. I prithee, begone. 125 FOOL sings "I am gone, sir, and anon, sir, I’ll be with you again, In a trice, like to the old Vice, Your need to sustain. Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath, 130 Cries 'aha!' to the devil; Like a mad lad, 'Pare thy nails, dad! Adieu, goodman devil.'" He exits.	Then Feste pretends to have a conversation with Sir Topas about Malvolio's condition. As Sir Topas, he tells himself not to talk with Malvolio, and as the fool, he agrees to abide by Sir Topas's instructions. Malvolio begs Feste for pen and paper again and claims he is as sane as anybody else in Illyria. Feste asks him if he's faking the whole thing and finally promises to fetch some paper and a pen. Feste skips off singing while Malvolio remains locked up.

Original Text

Translated Text

Enter Maria and Feste, the Fool.

MARIA Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard;
make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate. Do
it quickly. I’ll call Sir Toby the whilst.

She exits.

FOOL Well, I’ll put it on and I will dissemble myself in
’t, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled 5
in such a gown. He puts on gown and beard. I am
not tall enough to become the function well, nor
lean enough to be thought a good student, but to be
said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as
fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar. 10
The competitors enter.

Enter Toby and Maria.

TOBY Jove bless thee, Master Parson.

FOOL Bonos dies, Sir Toby; for, as the old hermit of
Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said
to a niece of King Gorboduc “That that is, is,” so I, 15
being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for what is
“that” but “that” and “is” but “is”?

TOBY To him, Sir Topas.

FOOL, disguising his voice What ho, I say! Peace in this
prison! 20

TOBY The knave counterfeits well. A good knave.

Inside Olivia's house, Maria makes Feste wear a disguise and pretend he's a clergyman named Sir Topas, who has come to visit Malvolio.

Malvolio is now locked up like a prisoner in a dark room in Olivia's house. Remember, Olivia told Maria, Toby, and crew to take care of him when it seemed that Malvolio had gone mad. Maria and Toby are pretending to believe that Malvolio is "possessed" and needs an exorcism.

Feste makes a crack about how he's not the first fraud to wear a clergyman's outfit. Then he tries out his fake priest's voice and Toby compliments him. He's pretty good at impersonating a clergyman.

Malvolio within.

MALVOLIO Who calls there?

FOOL Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
the lunatic.

MALVOLIO Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to 25
my lady—

FOOL Out, hyperbolical fiend! How vexest thou this
man! Talkest thou nothing but of ladies?

TOBY, aside Well said, Master Parson.

MALVOLIO Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. 30
Good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad. They have
laid me here in hideous darkness—

FOOL Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones
that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Sayst 35
thou that house is dark?

MALVOLIO As hell, Sir Topas.

FOOL Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
and the clerestories toward the south-north
are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest 40
thou of obstruction?

MALVOLIO I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this
house is dark.

FOOL Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness
but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than 45
the Egyptians in their fog.

MALVOLIO I say this house is as dark as ignorance,
though ignorance were as dark as hell. And I say
there was never man thus abused. I am no more
mad than you are. Make the trial of it in any 50
constant question.

FOOL What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning
wildfowl?

MALVOLIO That the soul of our grandam might haply
inhabit a bird. 55

FOOL What thinkst thou of his opinion?

MALVOLIO I think nobly of the soul, and no way
approve his opinion.

FOOL Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness.
Thou shalt hold th’ opinion of Pythagoras ere I will 60
allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock lest
thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee
well.

Feste the Fool approaches Malvolio and pretends to be "Sir Topas."

"Sir Topas" says that he's come to visit "Malvolio the lunatic." Malvolio begs "Sir Topas" to fetch Olivia so the whole mess can be straightened out.

"Sir Topas" says Malvolio's been possessed by a sex-crazed devil and proceeds with the mock exorcism.

Malvolio complains about the darkness of the room but "Sir Topas" insists it's perfectly well lit. It has bay windows that are as clear as a stone wall and windows facing north and south that are blackened. So...really, Feste is agreeing that it's dark, but he's talking in riddles and saying that Malvolio thinks it's dark because he's mad.

Malvolio insists he's sane and tells the fool to ask him a common sense question to prove it. The fool asks him about Pythagoras, and Malvolio answers, correctly, that Pythagoras believed in reincarnation, a philosophy Malvolio doesn't agree with.

The fool turns Malvolio's views against him and steps out.

MALVOLIO Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

TOBY My most exquisite Sir Topas! 65

FOOL Nay, I am for all waters.

MARIA Thou mightst have done this without thy beard
and gown. He sees thee not.

TOBY To him in thine own voice, and bring me word
how thou find’st him. I would we were well rid 70
of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered,
I would he were, for I am now so far in
offense with my niece that I cannot pursue with
any safety this sport the upshot. Come by and by
to my chamber. 75

Toby and Maria exit.

FOOL sings, in his own voice
"Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
Tell me how thy lady does."

MALVOLIO Fool!

FOOL sings
"My lady is unkind, perdy."

MALVOLIO Fool! 80

FOOL sings
"Alas, why is she so?"

MALVOLIO Fool, I say!

FOOL sings
"She loves another—"
Who calls, ha?

MALVOLIO Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at 85
my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and
paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful
to thee for ’t.

FOOL Master Malvolio?

MALVOLIO Ay, good Fool. 90

FOOL Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

MALVOLIO Fool, there was never man so notoriously
abused. I am as well in my wits, Fool, as thou art.

FOOL But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be
no better in your wits than a Fool. 95

MALVOLIO They have here propertied me, keep me in
darkness, send ministers to me—asses!—and do
all they can to face me out of my wits.

FOOL Advise you what you say. The minister is here.
In the voice of Sir Topas. Malvolio, Malvolio, thy 100
wits the heavens restore. Endeavor thyself to sleep
and leave thy vain bibble-babble.

Maria and Toby are tickled with the Fool's performance, and Maria comments that Feste could have pulled off the prank without the physical costume since the whole joke depends more on Feste's ability to disguise his voice, not his looks.

Toby tells Feste to go back to Malvolio and play himself and Sir Topas. Feste obliges.

Feste returns to Malvolio and sings one of his catchy little songs. Malvolio recognizes Feste's voice and begs the Fool to fetch him a pen, paper, and a light so he can write a letter that will exonerate him.

Feste treats Malvolio like a madman and Malvolio tries to explain that Toby and crew have locked him up and sent an exorcist in order to make him go crazy.

Feste uses his "Sir Topas" voice and advises Malvolio to get some sleep.

MALVOLIO Sir Topas!

FOOL, as Sir Topas Maintain no words with him, good
fellow. As Fool. Who, I, sir? Not I, sir! God buy 105
you, good Sir Topas. As Sir Topas. Marry, amen.
As Fool. I will, sir, I will.

MALVOLIO Fool! Fool! Fool, I say!

FOOL Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am
shent for speaking to you. 110

MALVOLIO Good Fool, help me to some light and some
paper. I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any
man in Illyria.

FOOL Welladay that you were, sir!

MALVOLIO By this hand, I am. Good Fool, some ink, 115
paper, and light; and convey what I will set down to
my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the
bearing of letter did.

FOOL I will help you to ’t. But tell me true, are you not
mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit? 120

MALVOLIO Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true.

FOOL Nay, I’ll ne’er believe a madman till I see his
brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.

MALVOLIO Fool, I’ll requite it in the highest degree. I
prithee, begone. 125

FOOL sings "I am gone, sir, and anon, sir,
I’ll be with you again,
In a trice, like to the old Vice,
Your need to sustain.
Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath, 130
Cries 'aha!' to the devil;
Like a mad lad, 'Pare thy nails, dad!
Adieu, goodman devil.'"

He exits.

Then Feste pretends to have a conversation with Sir Topas about Malvolio's condition. As Sir Topas, he tells himself not to talk with Malvolio, and as the fool, he agrees to abide by Sir Topas's instructions.

Malvolio begs Feste for pen and paper again and claims he is as sane as anybody else in Illyria. Feste asks him if he's faking the whole thing and finally promises to fetch some paper and a pen.

Feste skips off singing while Malvolio remains locked up.

Twelfth Night, or What You Will: Act 4, Scene 2 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 4, Scene 2 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text

Translated Text

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