Twelfth Night, or What You Will: Act 3, Scene 4 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 3, Scene 4 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text	Translated Text
Source: Folger Shakespeare Library
Enter Olivia and Maria. OLIVIA, aside I have sent after him. He says he’ll come. How shall I feast him? What bestow of him? For youth is bought more oft than begged or borrowed. I speak too loud.— 5 Where’s Malvolio? He is sad and civil And suits well for a servant with my fortunes. Where is Malvolio? MARIA He’s coming, madam, but in very strange manner. He is sure possessed, madam. 10 OLIVIA Why, what’s the matter? Does he rave? MARIA No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your Ladyship were best to have some guard about you if he come, for sure the man is tainted in ’s wits.	In her garden, Olivia frets about whether or not "Cesario" will come back for a little visit. Then she asks Maria where Malvolio is. Maria tells Olivia that Malvolio's on his way, but he's acting like he's possessed by demons—he's been smiling a lot and for no good reason.
OLIVIA Go call him hither. Maria exits. I am as mad as he, 15 If sad and merry madness equal be. Enter Maria with Malvolio. How now, Malvolio? MALVOLIO Sweet lady, ho, ho! OLIVIA Smil’st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad occasion. 20 MALVOLIO Sad, lady? I could be sad. This does make some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering, but what of that? If it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true sonnet is: “Please one, and please all.” 25 OLIVIA Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter with thee? MALVOLIO Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed. I think we do know the sweet Roman 30 hand. OLIVIA Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio? MALVOLIO To bed? “Ay, sweetheart, and I’ll come to thee.” OLIVIA God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so, and 35 kiss thy hand so oft? MARIA How do you, Malvolio? MALVOLIO At your request? Yes, nightingales answer daws! MARIA Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness 40 before my lady? MALVOLIO “Be not afraid of greatness.” ’Twas well writ. OLIVIA What mean’st thou by that, Malvolio? MALVOLIO “Some are born great—” 45 OLIVIA Ha? MALVOLIO “Some achieve greatness—” OLIVIA What sayst thou? MALVOLIO “And some have greatness thrust upon them.” 50 OLIVIA Heaven restore thee! MALVOLIO “Remember who commended thy yellow stockings—” OLIVIA Thy yellow stockings? MALVOLIO “And wished to see thee cross-gartered.” 55 OLIVIA Cross-gartered? MALVOLIO “Go to, thou art made, if thou desir’st to be so—” OLIVIA Am I made? MALVOLIO “If not, let me see thee a servant still.” 60 OLIVIA Why, this is very midsummer madness!	When Malvolio enters in a ridiculous get-up (yellow stockings with cross-garters) and a silly grin on his face, Olivia asks what the heck's wrong with him. She wants to know why he's smiling like an idiot when she's in such a sad mood. Malvolio continues to act like a fool—slobbering on Olivia's hand, talking nonsense, and insulting Maria. When Malvolio quotes lines from the forged letter, Olivia has no idea what he's talking about and thinks he's totally lost his mind. Malvolio presses on and asks Olivia if she remembers telling him to wear yellow stockings and cross-garters, and she says he's acting crazy.
Enter Servant. SERVANT Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino’s is returned. I could hardly entreat him back. He attends your Ladyship’s pleasure. OLIVIA I’ll come to him. Servant exits. Good Maria, let 65 this fellow be looked to. Where’s my Cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him. I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry. Olivia and Maria exit in different directions. MALVOLIO O ho, do you come near me now? No worse 70 man than Sir Toby to look to me. This concurs directly with the letter. She sends him on purpose that I may appear stubborn to him, for she incites me to that in the letter: “Cast thy humble slough,” says she. “Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with 75 servants; let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of singularity,” and consequently sets down the manner how: as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some Sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her, 80 but it is Jove’s doing, and Jove make me thankful! And when she went away now, “Let this fellow be looked to.” “Fellow!” Not “Malvolio,” nor after my degree, but “fellow.” Why, everything adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a 85 scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance—what can be said? Nothing that can be can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked. 90	When a servant enters and announces that "Cesario" has arrived, Olivia tells Maria to fetch Toby and company to look after Malvolio so she can rush off to greet "Cesario." Malvolio's left alone and tells us that he thinks Olivia is totally into him—he can't wait to carry out the instructions of the letter by being rude to Sir Toby.
Enter Toby, Fabian, and Maria. TOBY Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I’ll speak to him. FABIAN Here he is, here he is.—How is ’t with you, sir? How is ’t with you, man? 95 MALVOLIO Go off, I discard you. Let me enjoy my private. Go off. MARIA, to Toby Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! Did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him. 100 MALVOLIO Aha, does she so? TOBY, to Fabian and Maria Go to, go to! Peace, peace. We must deal gently with him. Let me alone.—How do you, Malvolio? How is ’t with you? What, man, defy the devil! Consider, he’s an enemy to mankind. 105 MALVOLIO Do you know what you say? MARIA, to Toby Layou, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart! Pray God he be not bewitched! FABIAN Carry his water to th’ wisewoman. 110 MARIA Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I’ll say. MALVOLIO How now, mistress? MARIA O Lord! 115 TOBY Prithee, hold thy peace. This is not the way. Do you not see you move him? Let me alone with him. FABIAN No way but gentleness, gently, gently. The fiend is rough and will not be roughly used. 120 TOBY, to Malvolio Why, how now, my bawcock? How dost thou, chuck? MALVOLIO Sir! TOBY Ay, biddy, come with me.—What, man, ’tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang 125 him, foul collier! MARIA Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby; get him to pray. MALVOLIO My prayers, minx? MARIA, to Toby No, I warrant you, he will not hear of 130 godliness. MALVOLIO Go hang yourselves all! You are idle, shallow things. I am not of your element. You shall know more hereafter. He exits.	Sir Toby and Fabian enter and pretend to think Malvolio's possessed and needs an exorcism. Malvolio tells them to get lost (he wants to continue his fantasy in private), but Maria says, see guys, I told you his body's been taken over by a devil. Malvolio is totally confused by the crew's behavior, especially when Fabian suggests they get a urine sample (so the local witch can examine it, of course) and make Malvolio say his prayers. Malvolio tells them to get lost and runs away
TOBY Is ’t possible? 135 FABIAN If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction. TOBY His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man. MARIA Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air 140 and taint. FABIAN Why, we shall make him mad indeed. MARIA The house will be the quieter. TOBY Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he’s 145 mad. We may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him, at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see! 150	The crew is left to chuckle about how delicious their prank is. Fabian says it's going better than they could have imagined. In fact, if this were scene in a play, he wouldn't believe it. They decide to chase after Malvolio and lock him up in a dark room that will make Malvolio go crazy.
Enter Sir Andrew. FABIAN More matter for a May morning. ANDREW, presenting a paper Here’s the challenge. Read it. I warrant there’s vinegar and pepper in ’t. FABIAN Is ’t so saucy? ANDREW Ay, is ’t. I warrant him. Do but read. 155 TOBY Give me. He reads. "Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow." FABIAN Good, and valiant. TOBY reads "Wonder not nor admire not in thy mind why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason 160 for ’t." FABIAN A good note, that keeps you from the blow of the law. TOBY reads "Thou com’st to the Lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly. But thou liest in thy throat; 165 that is not the matter I challenge thee for." FABIAN Very brief, and to exceeding good sense—less. TOBY reads "I will waylay thee going home, where if it be thy chance to kill me—" FABIAN Good. 170 TOBY reads Thou kill’st me like a rogue and a villain. FABIAN Still you keep o’ th’ windy side of the law. Good. TOBY reads "Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon one of our souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but 175 my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy, Andrew Aguecheek." If this letter move him not, his legs cannot. I’ll give ’t him. 180 MARIA You may have very fit occasion for ’t. He is now in some commerce with my lady and will by and by depart. TOBY Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the corner of the orchard like a bum-baily. So soon as ever 185 thou seest him, draw, and as thou draw’st, swear horrible, for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away! 190 ANDREW Nay, let me alone for swearing. He exits.	Just then, Sir Andrew Aguecheek enters with the letter he has written to challenge "Cesario" to a duel. Toby reads the hilariously insulting letter aloud and assures Andrew that he'll deliver the note to "Cesario." In the meantime, Andrew should go hide in the orchard. When "Cesario" shows up, Andrew should jump out from behind a tree, draw his sword, and say something scary to "Cesario." Andrew runs off to the orchard.
TOBY Now will not I deliver his letter, for the behavior of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore, 195 this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth. He will find it comes from a clodpoll. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valor, and drive the gentleman (as I know 200 his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices. Enter Olivia and Viola. FABIAN Here he comes with your niece. Give them 205 way till he take leave, and presently after him. TOBY I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge. Toby, Fabian, and Maria exit.	Toby tells Fabian and Maria that he's not going to deliver Aguecheek's silly letter. Instead, Toby's going to deliver a verbal message to "Cesario." Since both "Cesario" and Aguecheek are wimps, they'll both be shaking in their boots at the thought of fighting each other. Olivia and "Cesario" enter just then, but Toby and crew run off to work out the details of their plan before confronting "Cesario."
OLIVIA I have said too much unto a heart of stone And laid mine honor too unchary on ’t. 210 There’s something in me that reproves my fault, But such a headstrong potent fault it is That it but mocks reproof. VIOLA With the same ’havior that your passion bears Goes on my master’s griefs. 215 OLIVIA Here, wear this jewel for me. ’Tis my picture. Refuse it not. It hath no tongue to vex you. And I beseech you come again tomorrow. What shall you ask of me that I’ll deny, That honor, saved, may upon asking give? 220 VIOLA Nothing but this: your true love for my master. OLIVIA How with mine honor may I give him that Which I have given to you? VIOLA I will acquit you. OLIVIA Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well. 225 A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell. She exits.	This gives Olivia a chance to be alone with the luscious "boy." Olivia says she knows "Cesario" isn't into her, but she just can't help herself. She accuses "Cesario" of having a "heart of stone." "Cesario" replies that Duke Orsino feels just as sad as Olivia does—unrequited love is a bummer for everyone and Orsino still wants Olivia. Olivia begs "Cesario" to wear her miniature (a piece of jewelry with a tiny portrait of Olivia painted on it) and to come back to Olivia's place tomorrow so Olivia can try to seduce "him" again.
Enter Toby and Fabian. TOBY Gentleman, God save thee. VIOLA And you, sir. TOBY That defense thou hast, betake thee to ’t. Of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know 230 not, but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skillful, and deadly. VIOLA You mistake, sir. I am sure no man hath any 235 quarrel to me. My remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offense done to any man. TOBY You’ll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard, for your opposite hath in him what youth, 240 strength, skill, and wrath can furnish man withal. VIOLA I pray you, sir, what is he? TOBY He is knight dubbed with unhatched rapier and on carpet consideration, but he is a devil in private brawl. Souls and bodies hath he divorced three, and 245 his incensement at this moment is so implacable that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulcher. “Hob, nob” is his word; “give ’t or take ’t.” VIOLA I will return again into the house and desire 250 some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on others to taste their valor. Belike this is a man of that quirk. TOBY Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a very 255 competent injury. Therefore get you on and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me which with as much safety you might answer him. Therefore on, or strip your sword stark naked, for meddle you 260 must, that’s certain, or forswear to wear iron about you. VIOLA This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offense to him is. It is something of my 265 negligence, nothing of my purpose. TOBY I will do so.—Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return. Toby exits.	After Olivia leaves, Toby Belch and Fabian enter again and tell "Cesario" that someone's in the garden waiting to beat him into a pulp. "Cesario's" terrified and insists that "he" isn't a fighter. Too bad, says Toby, whip out your sword!
VIOLA Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter? FABIAN I know the knight is incensed against you even 270 to a mortal arbitrament, but nothing of the circumstance more. VIOLA I beseech you, what manner of man is he? FABIAN Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the 275 proof of his valor. He is indeed, sir, the most skillful, bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him if I can. 280 VIOLA I shall be much bound to you for ’t. I am one that had rather go with Sir Priest than Sir Knight, I care not who knows so much of my mettle. They exit.	"Cesario" asks Fabian if he knows the guy who's challenging "Cesario." Fabian says yes and that he's the most skillful swordsman around. He adds that if "Cesario" will head to he orchard, he, Fabian, will try to help smooth things over. "Cesario" thanks him and they head off.
Enter Toby and Andrew. TOBY Why, man, he’s a very devil. I have not seen such a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, 285 and all, and he gives me the stuck-in with such a mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hits the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy. 290 ANDREW Pox on ’t! I’ll not meddle with him. TOBY Ay, but he will not now be pacified. Fabian can scarce hold him yonder. ANDREW Plague on ’t! An I thought he had been valiant, and so cunning in fence, I’d have seen him 295 damned ere I’d have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip, and I’ll give him my horse, gray Capilet. TOBY I’ll make the motion. Stand here, make a good show on ’t. This shall end without the perdition of 300 souls. Aside. Marry, I’ll ride your horse as well as I ride you. Enter Fabian and Viola. Toby crosses to meet them. Aside to Fabian. I have his horse to take up the quarrel. I have persuaded him the youth’s a devil. FABIAN, aside to Toby He is as horribly conceited of 305 him, and pants and looks pale as if a bear were at his heels.	Meanwhile, Sir Toby goes into the orchard and tells Aguecheek that "Cesario" is crazy and can't wait to fight him. Aguecheek is terrified and tries to back out but Toby tells him it's too late—he better get ready to rumble because "Cesario" is ready to go. Sir Andrew tells Toby to tell "Cesario" that Sir Andrew will give him his horse if "Cesario" doesn't beat him up. Toby says he'll make the offer. He runs over to Fabian and the two of them chuckle at how scared they have "Cesario" and Andrew.
TOBY, to Viola There’s no remedy, sir; he will fight with you for ’s oath sake. Marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now 310 scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore, draw for the supportance of his vow. He protests he will not hurt you. VIOLA Pray God defend me! Aside. A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a 315 man. FABIAN Give ground if you see him furious. Toby crosses to Andrew. TOBY Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy. The gentleman will, for his honor’s sake, have one bout with you. He cannot by the duello avoid it. But he 320 has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on, to ’t. ANDREW, drawing his sword Pray God he keep his oath! VIOLA, drawing her sword I do assure you ’tis against my will. 325	Toby then tells "Cesario" there's no way out of this mess: Sir Andrew's ready to mop the floor with him. Working together, Fabian and Toby manage to get "Cesario" and Andrew together, both shaking and with their swords drawn.
Enter Antonio. ANTONIO, to Andrew Put up your sword. If this young gentleman Have done offense, I take the fault on me. If you offend him, I for him defy you. TOBY You, sir? Why, what are you? ANTONIO, drawing his sword One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more 330 Than you have heard him brag to you he will. TOBY, drawing his sword Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you. Enter Officers. FABIAN O, good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers. TOBY, to Antonio I’ll be with you anon. VIOLA, to Andrew Pray, sir, put your sword up, if 335 you please. ANDREW Marry, will I, sir. And for that I promised you, I’ll be as good as my word. He will bear you easily, and reins well. FIRST OFFICER This is the man. Do thy office. 340 SECOND OFFICER Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.	Just then, Antonio enters and thinks that "Cesario" is his boy, Sebastian. (Viola looks a lot like her twin brother and apparently the two look identical now that Viola is disguised as "Cesario.") Antonio's scared for his boy "Sebastian" and tries to break up the fight. He and Toby trade insults and draw their swords. "Cesario" and Andrew put their swords away and Andrew promises "Cesario" his horse. Then, the cops show up to arrest Antonio, who has been recognized as one of the pirates who stole from the Duke.
ANTONIO You do mistake me, sir. FIRST OFFICER No, sir, no jot. I know your favor well, Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.— 345 Take him away. He knows I know him well. ANTONIO I must obey. To Viola. This comes with seeking you. But there’s no remedy. I shall answer it. What will you do, now my necessity 350 Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me Much more for what I cannot do for you Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed, But be of comfort. SECOND OFFICER Come, sir, away. 355 ANTONIO, to Viola I must entreat of you some of that money. VIOLA What money, sir? For the fair kindness you have showed me here, And part being prompted by your present trouble, Out of my lean and low ability 360 I’ll lend you something. My having is not much. I’ll make division of my present with you. Hold, there’s half my coffer. Offering him money. ANTONIO Will you deny me now? Is ’t possible that my deserts to you 365 Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery, Lest that it make me so unsound a man As to upbraid you with those kindnesses That I have done for you. VIOLA I know of none, 370 Nor know I you by voice or any feature. I hate ingratitude more in a man Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness, Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption Inhabits our frail blood— 375 ANTONIO O heavens themselves! SECOND OFFICER Come, sir, I pray you go. ANTONIO Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here I snatched one half out of the jaws of death, Relieved him with such sanctity of love, 380 And to his image, which methought did promise Most venerable worth, did I devotion. FIRST OFFICER What’s that to us? The time goes by. Away! ANTONIO But O, how vile an idol proves this god! Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame. 385 In nature there’s no blemish but the mind; None can be called deformed but the unkind. Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil Are empty trunks o’erflourished by the devil. FIRST OFFICER The man grows mad. Away with him.—Come, 390 come, sir. ANTONIO Lead me on. Antonio and Officers exit.	Since Antonio thinks that "Cesario" is Sebastian, he asks "him" to return the money he gave him earlier so he can buy his way out of jail. "Cesario" has no idea what Antonio's talking about but, being a nice person, "Cesario" gives him some money anyway. Antonio is hurt because he thinks Sebastian has hung him out to dry. He can't believe Sebastian would screw him over like this, after everything Antonio's done for him. He goes off about how he saved Sebastian from drowning, has been a devoted and loving friend, and then calls Sebastian (who is actually "Cesario") a devil. The cops couldn't care less about any of this drama and they haul Antonio off to the clink.
VIOLA, aside Methinks his words do from such passion fly That he believes himself; so do not I. Prove true, imagination, O, prove true, 395 That I, dear brother, be now ta’en for you! TOBY Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian. We’ll whisper o’er a couplet or two of most sage saws. Toby, Fabian, and Andrew move aside. VIOLA, aside He named Sebastian. I my brother know Yet living in my glass. Even such and so 400 In favor was my brother, and he went Still in this fashion, color, ornament, For him I imitate. O, if it prove, Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love! She exits.	Meanwhile, it finally occurs to Viola (disguised as "Cesario") that Antonio has mistaken her for her twin brother, Sebastian, since the siblings look so much alike. This gives Viola some hope that Sebastian is still alive and didn't drown at sea after all. Viola, still disguised as "Cesario," keeps this info to herself.
TOBY A very dishonest, paltry boy, and more a coward 405 than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian. FABIAN A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it. 410 ANDREW ’Slid, I’ll after him again and beat him. TOBY Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword. ANDREW An I do not— FABIAN Come, let’s see the event. 415 TOBY I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet. They exit.	Toby, Fabian, and the cowardly Andrew hang back and talk trash about what a wimp "Cesario" has turned out to be. Andrew pretends like he wasn't shaking in his boots two minutes ago and says he ought to run after "Cesario" and beat him down. Toby eggs on Andrew and they run off after "Cesario."

Original Text

Translated Text

Enter Olivia and Maria.

OLIVIA, aside
I have sent after him. He says he’ll come.
How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?
For youth is bought more oft than begged or
borrowed.
I speak too loud.— 5
Where’s Malvolio? He is sad and civil
And suits well for a servant with my fortunes.
Where is Malvolio?

MARIA He’s coming, madam, but in very strange manner.
He is sure possessed, madam. 10

OLIVIA Why, what’s the matter? Does he rave?

MARIA No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your
Ladyship were best to have some guard about you if
he come, for sure the man is tainted in ’s wits.

In her garden, Olivia frets about whether or not "Cesario" will come back for a little visit. Then she asks Maria where Malvolio is.

Maria tells Olivia that Malvolio's on his way, but he's acting like he's possessed by demons—he's been smiling a lot and for no good reason.

OLIVIA
Go call him hither. Maria exits. I am as mad as he, 15
If sad and merry madness equal be.

Enter Maria with Malvolio.

How now, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO Sweet lady, ho, ho!

OLIVIA Smil’st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad
occasion. 20

MALVOLIO Sad, lady? I could be sad. This does make
some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering,
but what of that? If it please the eye of one, it is
with me as the very true sonnet is: “Please one, and
please all.” 25

OLIVIA Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter
with thee?

MALVOLIO Not black in my mind, though yellow in my
legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall
be executed. I think we do know the sweet Roman 30
hand.

OLIVIA Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO To bed? “Ay, sweetheart, and I’ll come to
thee.”

OLIVIA God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so, and 35
kiss thy hand so oft?

MARIA How do you, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO At your request? Yes, nightingales answer
daws!

MARIA Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness 40
before my lady?

MALVOLIO “Be not afraid of greatness.” ’Twas well
writ.

OLIVIA What mean’st thou by that, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO “Some are born great—” 45

OLIVIA Ha?

MALVOLIO “Some achieve greatness—”

OLIVIA What sayst thou?

MALVOLIO “And some have greatness thrust upon
them.” 50

OLIVIA Heaven restore thee!

MALVOLIO “Remember who commended thy yellow
stockings—”

OLIVIA Thy yellow stockings?

MALVOLIO “And wished to see thee cross-gartered.” 55

OLIVIA Cross-gartered?

MALVOLIO “Go to, thou art made, if thou desir’st to be
so—”

OLIVIA Am I made?

MALVOLIO “If not, let me see thee a servant still.” 60

OLIVIA Why, this is very midsummer madness!

When Malvolio enters in a ridiculous get-up (yellow stockings with cross-garters) and a silly grin on his face, Olivia asks what the heck's wrong with him. She wants to know why he's smiling like an idiot when she's in such a sad mood.

Malvolio continues to act like a fool—slobbering on Olivia's hand, talking nonsense, and insulting Maria. When Malvolio quotes lines from the forged letter, Olivia has no idea what he's talking about and thinks he's totally lost his mind.

Malvolio presses on and asks Olivia if she remembers telling him to wear yellow stockings and cross-garters, and she says he's acting crazy.

Enter Servant.

SERVANT Madam, the young gentleman of the Count
Orsino’s is returned. I could hardly entreat him
back. He attends your Ladyship’s pleasure.

OLIVIA I’ll come to him. Servant exits. Good Maria, let 65
this fellow be looked to. Where’s my Cousin Toby?
Let some of my people have a special care of him. I
would not have him miscarry for the half of my
dowry.

Olivia and Maria exit in different directions.

MALVOLIO O ho, do you come near me now? No worse 70
man than Sir Toby to look to me. This concurs
directly with the letter. She sends him on purpose
that I may appear stubborn to him, for she incites
me to that in the letter: “Cast thy humble slough,”
says she. “Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with 75
servants; let thy tongue tang with arguments of
state; put thyself into the trick of singularity,” and
consequently sets down the manner how: as, a sad
face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit
of some Sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her, 80
but it is Jove’s doing, and Jove make me thankful!
And when she went away now, “Let this fellow be
looked to.” “Fellow!” Not “Malvolio,” nor after my
degree, but “fellow.” Why, everything adheres together,
that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a 85
scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe
circumstance—what can be said? Nothing that can
be can come between me and the full prospect of
my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and
he is to be thanked. 90

When a servant enters and announces that "Cesario" has arrived, Olivia tells Maria to fetch Toby and company to look after Malvolio so she can rush off to greet "Cesario."

Malvolio's left alone and tells us that he thinks Olivia is totally into him—he can't wait to carry out the instructions of the letter by being rude to Sir Toby.

Enter Toby, Fabian, and Maria.

TOBY Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all
the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion
himself possessed him, yet I’ll speak to him.

FABIAN Here he is, here he is.—How is ’t with you, sir?
How is ’t with you, man? 95

MALVOLIO Go off, I discard you. Let me enjoy my
private. Go off.

MARIA, to Toby Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks
within him! Did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady
prays you to have a care of him. 100

MALVOLIO Aha, does she so?

TOBY, to Fabian and Maria Go to, go to! Peace, peace.
We must deal gently with him. Let me alone.—How
do you, Malvolio? How is ’t with you? What, man,
defy the devil! Consider, he’s an enemy to mankind. 105

MALVOLIO Do you know what you say?

MARIA, to Toby Layou, an you speak ill of the devil,
how he takes it at heart! Pray God he be not
bewitched!

FABIAN Carry his water to th’ wisewoman. 110

MARIA Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning
if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than
I’ll say.

MALVOLIO How now, mistress?

MARIA O Lord! 115

TOBY Prithee, hold thy peace. This is not the way. Do
you not see you move him? Let me alone with
him.

FABIAN No way but gentleness, gently, gently. The
fiend is rough and will not be roughly used. 120

TOBY, to Malvolio Why, how now, my bawcock? How
dost thou, chuck?

MALVOLIO Sir!

TOBY Ay, biddy, come with me.—What, man, ’tis not
for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang 125
him, foul collier!

MARIA Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby; get
him to pray.

MALVOLIO My prayers, minx?

MARIA, to Toby No, I warrant you, he will not hear of 130
godliness.

MALVOLIO Go hang yourselves all! You are idle, shallow
things. I am not of your element. You shall
know more hereafter.

He exits.

Sir Toby and Fabian enter and pretend to think Malvolio's possessed and needs an exorcism.

Malvolio tells them to get lost (he wants to continue his fantasy in private), but Maria says, see guys, I told you his body's been taken over by a devil.

Malvolio is totally confused by the crew's behavior, especially when Fabian suggests they get a urine sample (so the local witch can examine it, of course) and make Malvolio say his prayers.

Malvolio tells them to get lost and runs away

TOBY Is ’t possible? 135

FABIAN If this were played upon a stage now, I could
condemn it as an improbable fiction.

TOBY His very genius hath taken the infection of the
device, man.

MARIA Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air 140
and taint.

FABIAN Why, we shall make him mad indeed.

MARIA The house will be the quieter.

TOBY Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and
bound. My niece is already in the belief that he’s 145
mad. We may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his
penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath,
prompt us to have mercy on him, at which time we
will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
finder of madmen. But see, but see! 150

The crew is left to chuckle about how delicious their prank is.

Fabian says it's going better than they could have imagined. In fact, if this were scene in a play, he wouldn't believe it.

They decide to chase after Malvolio and lock him up in a dark room that will make Malvolio go crazy.

Enter Sir Andrew.

FABIAN More matter for a May morning.

ANDREW, presenting a paper Here’s the challenge.
Read it. I warrant there’s vinegar and pepper in ’t.

FABIAN Is ’t so saucy?

ANDREW Ay, is ’t. I warrant him. Do but read. 155

TOBY Give me. He reads. "Youth, whatsoever thou art,
thou art but a scurvy fellow."

FABIAN Good, and valiant.

TOBY reads "Wonder not nor admire not in thy mind
why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason 160
for ’t."

FABIAN A good note, that keeps you from the blow of
the law.

TOBY reads "Thou com’st to the Lady Olivia, and in my
sight she uses thee kindly. But thou liest in thy throat; 165
that is not the matter I challenge thee for."

FABIAN Very brief, and to exceeding good sense—less.

TOBY reads "I will waylay thee going home, where if it be
thy chance to kill me—"

FABIAN Good. 170

TOBY reads Thou kill’st me like a rogue and a villain.

FABIAN Still you keep o’ th’ windy side of the law.
Good.

TOBY reads "Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon
one of our souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but 175
my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as
thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
Andrew Aguecheek."
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot. I’ll
give ’t him. 180

MARIA You may have very fit occasion for ’t. He is now
in some commerce with my lady and will by and
by depart.

TOBY Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the corner
of the orchard like a bum-baily. So soon as ever 185
thou seest him, draw, and as thou draw’st, swear
horrible, for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath,
with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives
manhood more approbation than ever proof itself
would have earned him. Away! 190

ANDREW Nay, let me alone for swearing.

He exits.

Just then, Sir Andrew Aguecheek enters with the letter he has written to challenge "Cesario" to a duel.

Toby reads the hilariously insulting letter aloud and assures Andrew that he'll deliver the note to "Cesario."

In the meantime, Andrew should go hide in the orchard. When "Cesario" shows up, Andrew should jump out from behind a tree, draw his sword, and say something scary to "Cesario."

Andrew runs off to the orchard.

TOBY Now will not I deliver his letter, for the behavior
of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
capacity and breeding; his employment between
his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore, 195
this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed
no terror in the youth. He will find it comes from a
clodpoll. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek a notable
report of valor, and drive the gentleman (as I know 200
his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous
opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This
will so fright them both that they will kill one
another by the look, like cockatrices.

Enter Olivia and Viola.

FABIAN Here he comes with your niece. Give them 205
way till he take leave, and presently after him.

TOBY I will meditate the while upon some horrid
message for a challenge.

Toby, Fabian, and Maria exit.

Toby tells Fabian and Maria that he's not going to deliver Aguecheek's silly letter. Instead, Toby's going to deliver a verbal message to "Cesario."

Since both "Cesario" and Aguecheek are wimps, they'll both be shaking in their boots at the thought of fighting each other.

Olivia and "Cesario" enter just then, but Toby and crew run off to work out the details of their plan before confronting "Cesario."

OLIVIA
I have said too much unto a heart of stone
And laid mine honor too unchary on ’t. 210
There’s something in me that reproves my fault,
But such a headstrong potent fault it is
That it but mocks reproof.

VIOLA
With the same ’havior that your passion bears
Goes on my master’s griefs. 215

OLIVIA
Here, wear this jewel for me. ’Tis my picture.
Refuse it not. It hath no tongue to vex you.
And I beseech you come again tomorrow.
What shall you ask of me that I’ll deny,
That honor, saved, may upon asking give? 220

VIOLA
Nothing but this: your true love for my master.

OLIVIA
How with mine honor may I give him that
Which I have given to you?

VIOLA I will acquit you.

OLIVIA
Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well. 225
A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.

She exits.

This gives Olivia a chance to be alone with the luscious "boy." Olivia says she knows "Cesario" isn't into her, but she just can't help herself. She accuses "Cesario" of having a "heart of stone."

"Cesario" replies that Duke Orsino feels just as sad as Olivia does—unrequited love is a bummer for everyone and Orsino still wants Olivia.

Olivia begs "Cesario" to wear her miniature (a piece of jewelry with a tiny portrait of Olivia painted on it) and to come back to Olivia's place tomorrow so Olivia can try to seduce "him" again.

Enter Toby and Fabian.

TOBY Gentleman, God save thee.

VIOLA And you, sir.

TOBY That defense thou hast, betake thee to ’t. Of what
nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know 230
not, but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dismount
thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy
assailant is quick, skillful, and deadly.

VIOLA You mistake, sir. I am sure no man hath any 235
quarrel to me. My remembrance is very free and
clear from any image of offense done to any man.

TOBY You’ll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore,
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your
guard, for your opposite hath in him what youth, 240
strength, skill, and wrath can furnish man withal.

VIOLA I pray you, sir, what is he?

TOBY He is knight dubbed with unhatched rapier and
on carpet consideration, but he is a devil in private
brawl. Souls and bodies hath he divorced three, and 245
his incensement at this moment is so implacable
that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
and sepulcher. “Hob, nob” is his word; “give ’t or
take ’t.”

VIOLA I will return again into the house and desire 250
some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have
heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely
on others to taste their valor. Belike this is a
man of that quirk.

TOBY Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a very 255
competent injury. Therefore get you on and give
him his desire. Back you shall not to the house,
unless you undertake that with me which with as
much safety you might answer him. Therefore on,
or strip your sword stark naked, for meddle you 260
must, that’s certain, or forswear to wear iron about
you.

VIOLA This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do
me this courteous office, as to know of the knight
what my offense to him is. It is something of my 265
negligence, nothing of my purpose.

TOBY I will do so.—Signior Fabian, stay you by this
gentleman till my return.

Toby exits.

After Olivia leaves, Toby Belch and Fabian enter again and tell "Cesario" that someone's in the garden waiting to beat him into a pulp.

"Cesario's" terrified and insists that "he" isn't a fighter.

Too bad, says Toby, whip out your sword!

VIOLA Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?

FABIAN I know the knight is incensed against you even 270
to a mortal arbitrament, but nothing of the circumstance
more.

VIOLA I beseech you, what manner of man is he?

FABIAN Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read
him by his form, as you are like to find him in the 275
proof of his valor. He is indeed, sir, the most skillful,
bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly
have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk
towards him? I will make your peace with him if I
can. 280

VIOLA I shall be much bound to you for ’t. I am one
that had rather go with Sir Priest than Sir Knight, I
care not who knows so much of my mettle.

They exit.

"Cesario" asks Fabian if he knows the guy who's challenging "Cesario."

Fabian says yes and that he's the most skillful swordsman around. He adds that if "Cesario" will head to he orchard, he, Fabian, will try to help smooth things over.

"Cesario" thanks him and they head off.

Enter Toby and Andrew.

TOBY Why, man, he’s a very devil. I have not seen such
a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, 285
and all, and he gives me the stuck-in with such
a mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the
answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hits the
ground they step on. They say he has been fencer
to the Sophy. 290

ANDREW Pox on ’t! I’ll not meddle with him.

TOBY Ay, but he will not now be pacified. Fabian can
scarce hold him yonder.

ANDREW Plague on ’t! An I thought he had been
valiant, and so cunning in fence, I’d have seen him 295
damned ere I’d have challenged him. Let him let
the matter slip, and I’ll give him my horse, gray
Capilet.

TOBY I’ll make the motion. Stand here, make a good
show on ’t. This shall end without the perdition of 300
souls. Aside. Marry, I’ll ride your horse as well as I
ride you.

Enter Fabian and Viola.

Toby crosses to meet them.

Aside to Fabian. I have his horse to take up the
quarrel. I have persuaded him the youth’s a devil.

FABIAN, aside to Toby He is as horribly conceited of 305
him, and pants and looks pale as if a bear were at his
heels.

Meanwhile, Sir Toby goes into the orchard and tells Aguecheek that "Cesario" is crazy and can't wait to fight him. Aguecheek is terrified and tries to back out but Toby tells him it's too late—he better get ready to rumble because "Cesario" is ready to go.

Sir Andrew tells Toby to tell "Cesario" that Sir Andrew will give him his horse if "Cesario" doesn't beat him up.

Toby says he'll make the offer. He runs over to Fabian and the two of them chuckle at how scared they have "Cesario" and Andrew.

TOBY, to Viola There’s no remedy, sir; he will fight
with you for ’s oath sake. Marry, he hath better
bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now 310
scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore, draw for
the supportance of his vow. He protests he will not
hurt you.

VIOLA Pray God defend me! Aside. A little thing
would make me tell them how much I lack of a 315
man.

FABIAN Give ground if you see him furious.

Toby crosses to Andrew.

TOBY Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy. The
gentleman will, for his honor’s sake, have one bout
with you. He cannot by the duello avoid it. But he 320
has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier,
he will not hurt you. Come on, to ’t.

ANDREW, drawing his sword Pray God he keep his
oath!

VIOLA, drawing her sword
I do assure you ’tis against my will. 325

Toby then tells "Cesario" there's no way out of this mess: Sir Andrew's ready to mop the floor with him.

Working together, Fabian and Toby manage to get "Cesario" and Andrew together, both shaking and with their swords drawn.

Enter Antonio.

ANTONIO, to Andrew
Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
Have done offense, I take the fault on me.
If you offend him, I for him defy you.

TOBY You, sir? Why, what are you?

ANTONIO, drawing his sword
One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more 330
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

TOBY, drawing his sword
Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.

Enter Officers.

FABIAN O, good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers.

TOBY, to Antonio I’ll be with you anon.

VIOLA, to Andrew Pray, sir, put your sword up, if 335
you please.

ANDREW Marry, will I, sir. And for that I promised
you, I’ll be as good as my word. He will bear you
easily, and reins well.

FIRST OFFICER This is the man. Do thy office. 340

SECOND OFFICER Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of
Count Orsino.

Just then, Antonio enters and thinks that "Cesario" is his boy, Sebastian. (Viola looks a lot like her twin brother and apparently the two look identical now that Viola is disguised as "Cesario.")

Antonio's scared for his boy "Sebastian" and tries to break up the fight. He and Toby trade insults and draw their swords.

"Cesario" and Andrew put their swords away and Andrew promises "Cesario" his horse.

Then, the cops show up to arrest Antonio, who has been recognized as one of the pirates who stole from the Duke.

ANTONIO You do mistake me, sir.

FIRST OFFICER
No, sir, no jot. I know your favor well,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.— 345
Take him away. He knows I know him well.

ANTONIO
I must obey. To Viola. This comes with seeking
you.
But there’s no remedy. I shall answer it.
What will you do, now my necessity 350
Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
Much more for what I cannot do for you
Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed,
But be of comfort.

SECOND OFFICER Come, sir, away. 355

ANTONIO, to Viola
I must entreat of you some of that money.

VIOLA What money, sir?
For the fair kindness you have showed me here,
And part being prompted by your present trouble,
Out of my lean and low ability 360
I’ll lend you something. My having is not much.
I’ll make division of my present with you.
Hold, there’s half my coffer. Offering him money.

ANTONIO Will you deny me now?
Is ’t possible that my deserts to you 365
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.

VIOLA I know of none, 370
Nor know I you by voice or any feature.
I hate ingratitude more in a man
Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood— 375

ANTONIO O heavens themselves!

SECOND OFFICER Come, sir, I pray you go.

ANTONIO
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatched one half out of the jaws of death,
Relieved him with such sanctity of love, 380
And to his image, which methought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.

FIRST OFFICER
What’s that to us? The time goes by. Away!

ANTONIO
But O, how vile an idol proves this god!
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame. 385
In nature there’s no blemish but the mind;
None can be called deformed but the unkind.
Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks o’erflourished by the devil.

FIRST OFFICER
The man grows mad. Away with him.—Come, 390
come, sir.

ANTONIO Lead me on.

Antonio and Officers exit.

Since Antonio thinks that "Cesario" is Sebastian, he asks "him" to return the money he gave him earlier so he can buy his way out of jail.

"Cesario" has no idea what Antonio's talking about but, being a nice person, "Cesario" gives him some money anyway.

Antonio is hurt because he thinks Sebastian has hung him out to dry. He can't believe Sebastian would screw him over like this, after everything Antonio's done for him. He goes off about how he saved Sebastian from drowning, has been a devoted and loving friend, and then calls Sebastian (who is actually "Cesario") a devil.

The cops couldn't care less about any of this drama and they haul Antonio off to the clink.

VIOLA, aside
Methinks his words do from such passion fly
That he believes himself; so do not I.
Prove true, imagination, O, prove true, 395
That I, dear brother, be now ta’en for you!

TOBY Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian. We’ll
whisper o’er a couplet or two of most sage saws.

Toby, Fabian, and Andrew move aside.

VIOLA, aside
He named Sebastian. I my brother know
Yet living in my glass. Even such and so 400
In favor was my brother, and he went
Still in this fashion, color, ornament,
For him I imitate. O, if it prove,
Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love!

She exits.

Meanwhile, it finally occurs to Viola (disguised as "Cesario") that Antonio has mistaken her for her twin brother, Sebastian, since the siblings look so much alike.

This gives Viola some hope that Sebastian is still alive and didn't drown at sea after all. Viola, still disguised as "Cesario," keeps this info to herself.

TOBY A very dishonest, paltry boy, and more a coward 405
than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his
friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
his cowardship, ask Fabian.

FABIAN A coward, a most devout coward, religious
in it. 410

ANDREW ’Slid, I’ll after him again and beat him.

TOBY Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy
sword.

ANDREW An I do not—

FABIAN Come, let’s see the event. 415

TOBY I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet.

They exit.

Toby, Fabian, and the cowardly Andrew hang back and talk trash about what a wimp "Cesario" has turned out to be.

Andrew pretends like he wasn't shaking in his boots two minutes ago and says he ought to run after "Cesario" and beat him down.

Toby eggs on Andrew and they run off after "Cesario."

Twelfth Night, or What You Will: Act 3, Scene 4 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 3, Scene 4 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text

Translated Text

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