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Bell Curve


Security Newbie. $15,000 or less 

It's your first day of training as a mall security guard. Your uniform is pressed, you shined your shoes, and you look as sleek and clean as possible. In your first interaction with the public, a scared child throws up all over you and your bright clean uniform. Welcome to the mall.


Patrolling Professional. Salary: $22,000 

You work at one of the more run-down malls. The work isn't as exciting as it is for your cousin, who's a mall cop at the new shopping plaza downtown. You spend your days keeping kids from stealing anodes from Radio Shack. Just kidding—absolutely no one goes to the Radio Shack anymore, not even unruly kids.


Great Guard. Salary: $25,000 

You score a cushy job as security for a major department store in your hometown mall. The upside is you have a chair and a podium and are surrounded by friendly stay-at-home moms and dads. The downside is they bring their crying babies with them. You wonder why they call it stay-at-home when everyone seems to be out in your space.


Top Mall Cop. Salary: $40,000 

After proving yourself a capable and personable security officer, the mall decided to make you the head of mall security. You have extra responsibilities and a much larger paycheck. Now you walk around the halls with an extra pep in your step—although it might be the new shoes you bought at the shoe store on the second level.


Security Management. $60,000 

After a decade of protecting malls, you finally decide to open a private security company which provides security for dozens of malls in your state. You rule an empire of uniformed shopping center protectors from the comfort of your home office—where you spend most of your day shopping online.