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Mall Cop

Bell Curve

1
5%

It's your first day of training as a Mall Security Official. You have your uniform, you shined your shoes. In your first announcement to a crowd, you accidentally use the word "free" next to the word "iPhone." A riot ensues. You go home. For good.

2
25%

You complete many applications for a Mall Cop position, but the only mall hiring is Stinktown Acres, a dilapidated building that houses the last remaining VCR shop on earth. You spend your days keeping kids from stealing anodes from Radio Shack.

3
50%

You score a cushy job as Security for a major department store in your hometown mall. The upside is you have a chair and a podium and don't face much physical danger. The downside is that your high school friends still want to hang out right next to you while you work.

4
75%

You turn out to be a pretty spectacular Mall Cop, rising through the ranks to become the Head of Mall Security. Your reputation precedes you, and other Mall Cops whisper about your legend when you enter other malls.

5
95%

After a decade of protecting malls, you decide to open a private security company which employs Mall Security for hundreds of malls. You rule an empire of uniformed officials from your platinum Segway.

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