© 2014 Shmoop University, Inc. All rights reserved.

Proctologist

Bell Curve

1
5%

Your first day on the job, you accidentally inserted your fingers into the wrong hole. After all this ugly trial business is over, you'll likely be spending some time behind bars, where your cellmate may be performing a rectal exam of his own.

2
25%

You work in the ER of a hospital located in a shady part of downtown. You’d swear you spend more time prying foreign objects out of your patients' posteriors than you do diagnosing them with hemorrhoids.

3
50%

You just celebrated your 10-year anniversary at the medical center where you practice. No major lawsuits (one or two minor ones) and you’re slowly but surely climbing the salary ladder. The only difference with this ladder is that you started at the bottom, but at the top is…another bottom.

4
75%

You've been running a private practice for 20 years and have done quite well for yourself. All the richest butts in town turn to you for their colorectal needs.

5
95%

The President of the United States suffers a rectal prolapse (the rectum basically gets turned inside out) and you're the doctor who steps in and saves the day. They don't exactly stream it live on C-SPAN, but you still feel like a big star.

Advertisement
Noodle's College Search
Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement