Newbie Agent. Salary: $38,000 

Your first agent assignment takes you to Minneapolis, home of subzero temperatures and tears that freeze before they even leave your eye sockets. You imagine this is what it must have felt like for those peas you let get frostbitten in the freezer. This must be somebody's idea of a bad joke.

Field Operative. Salary: $45,000 

Now we're talking. You've been rotated to sunny San Diego, which suits your style and your suntan. Your Spanish fluency comes in handy here—good job paying attention in class—and it's also caused the higher-ups in Washington to notice you. Washington's pretty cold, though, so you're not sure if that's a good thing.

Regular Protector. Salary: $55,000 

You're assigned to protective detail for the vice president's kids. Unfortunately they're spoiled brats who expect their Secret Service agents to be their gofers. You just bite your tongue and remember their parents are taxpayers, too. And you definitely don't forget the donuts.

Expert Service. Salary: $62,000 

As a reward for years of hard work, you've landed the Tampa field office manager slot. Now you get to call the shots and soak up the sunshine and warm Gulf breezes in your spare time. Upon arrival at the office, you see that papers are everywhere and the team is made up of a 21 Jump Street-style pair of dude-bros. What was that about spare time again?

Private Agent. Salary: $70,000 

You've about had it with government bureaucracy. You've traded in your dark suits and schedule craziness for a much saner security consultant gig. You talk to major companies about keeping their execs out of harm's way—and out of the headlines. You're out of the headlines too, operating your biz from your getaway in the Bahamas.