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Bell Curve


Quitcher Whinin'. $28,000

You poured wine for a minor; maybe you go to jail; maybe not. Regardless, you're a persona non grata from now on in your restaurant industry.


Wine the Long Face? $37,000

"Master sommelier exam? Who has the time?" You love the stuff, so you grab the bare minimum certification and snap up the first job you find. Unfortunately the bare minimum only gets you hired at Pierre's Swampside Crawshack. It's a little dull always pairing with gumbo. Yeah, you spend summers on the vineyard, but it's not a French vineyard. Not even close.


Pour for the course. $46,260

You were a perfectly fine sommelier; you stayed at the same restaurant for a long time but the restaurant never really went anywhere. There were good times, and bad times, and you rented a lot of wine to customers, and it was fine. Beats the hooey out of being a swim coach, which was Door Number Two.


Decan'ter complain. $64,000

You were good and your restaurant became the cause célèbre in The Big City. You were even written up in Wine Expectorator magazine for your bold food and wine combinations. Your friends from The Wine Academy are hugely impressed and more than a little envious of your blog.


Danny De'Vino. $180,000

After years of work leading up to passing the master Sommelier exam, you open your own restaurant, serving only rare wines. Eventually you buy a small winery and make your own blends and brands. Combined with your popular wine blog you sell a million cases a year of high-priced wines all over the world. You could say business is grape. Nice jet, by the way—hope it's got a chiller.