The Boon Companions
- The new guy comes on super strong by asking the cosmopolitan: We're friends at first sight, right? Right?
- But the cosmopolitan is into it. Feeling encouraged, the new guy proposes they exchange names. We are so grateful.
- The cosmopolitan is Francis Goodman (Frank).
- New guy is Charles Arnold Noble (Charlie).
- What conveniently friendly sounding names these two fast friends have.
- Frank then bemoans how some people look down on wine when they argue that it is poorly made in the United States. He feels this faithlessness is like having no faith in mankind. Charlie's buying what he's selling.
- Frank shakes himself out of his wine thoughts and says that Charlie should toast to him. Charlie toasts Frank. Frank then toasts Charlie. #lushes #bffs #blessed
- Frank then shares an instance when a man argued that even if your wine is fake, it's better to have fake wine and be happy.
- Charlie thinks this is too much drunkenness.
- Frank's like, No, it's just a fable some grim dude laid out in order to still think of the world as bad: the wine is mankind, while getting tipsy is the fun you get from being around people. You risk the fake wine (the crudeness of mankind) for the tipsiness (society). This line of thinking is bad, though, because people are good, Charlie; they are good.
- Charlie's like, Yeah, Frank. It's bad thinking, just like you say.
- Frank: But it actually gets a pass because it's funny, Charlie. Jokes and laughter are great and good, Charlie.
- Charlie then laughs really loudly at a poor boy in their line of sight. Apparently he's laughing at the boy's shoes. They clearly are shoes he found and that are way too big for him. Is it just us, or is Charlie a majorly jerky dude?
- Frank notices the boy. I get why you're laughing, he says. It's an icky thing to do that, but you prove my point. Namely, laughter excuses an icky thing.
- We are not on board with this either. What is wrong with these dudes?
- All of a sudden, Frank and Charlie have one of those beautiful best-friend moments when they say the same thing at the same time. It would be beautiful except there's a hiccup: they—gasp—say different things.
- Basically, after Frank tells a story about a tyrant who beheaded a guy who laughed like a horse, Frank's all boo, while Charlie goes yay. Awkward.
- The guys just stare at each other for a bit until Frank breaks the silence with another observation about confidence. Shocker.
- Then Frank notices that Charlie hasn't been drinking. He comments on it. Charlie picks up his glass, but he doesn't drink.
- Instead, Charlie launches into a spiel about a panegyric (that's formal speech in praise of something) he heard and memorized about the press. Does Frank want to hear it?
- Yes. A thousand times yes.
- But first Frank complains about how some people don't trust the press. He sees it as a beacon of truth.
- Frank kind of gets carried away, but he asks Charlie to let him know when he's ready to deliver the panegyric. Frank wants to stand and raise a glass for Charlie when he starts.
- Frank tells Charlie to stand now.