Tales of the Madman Underground Events Quotes

Part 1, Chapter 1

I had developed this theory all summer: if I could be perfectly, ideally, totally normal for the first day of my senior year, which was today, then I could do it for the first week, which was only...

Chapter 2

I looked at that bottle of cheap fake wine and saw things real clear, the way you see them just before you start to drink to get drunk: I would drink away my money and time and energy, and be a f**...

Chapter 3

Cheryl was the queen of the socials—all the cute perky girls with big smiles that knew everybody. She was the secretary or vice president for every club and committee, always at every party, and...

Chapter 4

I guess I could have told Coach Stuckey, but I didn't want to be a nark and a crybaby. I'd have to go away to the State Home for Terminal Pussies with a big P tattooed on my forehead. Besides, who...

Chapter 5

"Well, then." She drew a deep breath. "If I don't go—or if I do go—will I get social leprosy?" "Depends on who you want it with. If you do go you get social leprosy with the drama types, the sc...

Chapter 6

Every single shrink the group had ever had, since I was in ninth grade, said that the way I lived, always working and always making money, was a "defense." They always said it like it was something...

Chapter 7

I always liked that time of day, when people were shutting up their shops, putting the town to bed for the night, going home to do normal stuff with their normal families. I wondered if they got to...

Chapter 8

I shrugged. "Well, s***, I want out of Lightsburg. I'll always be the Shoemaker boy, here. And I'm not one of your peace-and-love never-comb-your-hair never-take-a-bath never-finish-a-sentence just...

Chapter 9

Bonny was nodding, too. "Marston and Emerson and all them are either going to be all concerned about the develop -ment of those poor misguided boys, or they're going to want Cheryl to express her f...

Part 2, Chapter 10

They were both grinning like this was the funniest s*** in the world, and went on into tradition jokes about the sex lives of people who were mostly dead now. They'd talk about a time when some guy...

Chapter 11

It always made Dad sick to see a boy cry. He said that all the time. He grabbed up the bottle from the table and went out to get drunk by himself on the back porch, like he did when he was really m...

Chapter 12

See, the thing was, Gratz was sort of right. Usually, if you picked a fight with one Madman, you picked a fight with all of us. (12.115)

Chapter 13

"Bethie's sorry, preciouses, Bethie is, please come out." O Mighty Couch, I Bring You the Broom of Righteousness, Yield Up Your Cats.I guess if I was serious about my rule that you have to love any...

Chapter 14

I didn't have much body weight then, and I'd had a bunch of drinks in less than an hour. So I was real drunk, which at least made the time pass faster; I sat on one end of the couch and watched a l...

Part 3, Chapter 15

So here I was, the Lone Madman. All eyes were on him as the town rode away, and he sat there on his great white chicken. My work here is done. I'm needed wherever there's another friend to betray,...

Chapter 16

When Squid finished, he put his head down and muttered for a moment. I glanced his way. "Oh, Mom always said it was stupid to give thanks before you got the thing, the time to thank was after you h...

Chapter 17

"Some years ago […] Karl did a couple really bad things, which were pretty scary—well, really scary—and so a lot of kids that don't know him call him 'Psycho Shoemaker,' which really hurts hi...

Chapter 18

"I understand how much you just want a year of things being the way they're supposed to be. S***, when I get home the first thing I do is make sure my grandpa's not in my sister's bed, or she's not...

Part 4, Chapter 19

She opened the waffle iron and dumped out two perfect waffles. "How do you know when they're ready?" I asked. She grinned. "Ancient secret, Tiger Sweetie. You get married very young. You get a waff...

Chapter 20

"The Madman Underground is all about how much everybody needs each other, and hauling my ass out of here is all about not needing anybody. And the Madman Underground is all about telling your story...

Chapter 21

After a block, [Paul] said, "When we had that fight I was really hurt.""I'm sorry I called you a f*****. I know you're not.""But I am." (21.84-86)

Part 5, Chapter 22

"I'm going to a meeting this evening, and if I stay dry till tomorrow morning, I'm back to one day of sobriety.""I've got eighty-two days," I said. "The first one's the hard one, and then the rest...

Chapter 23

There was a presentation Don gave once at the AA meeting about life decisions. He said to imagine all the bad parts, and then ask if you'd pay that much, have all the bad parts on purpose, to have...

Chapter 25

"This is all very funny," Schwinn said, meaning it wasn't. "Now, if you're all done—""Done? […] Lady, some of us have been here eight or ten years and we're never getting 'done.' We're just gra...

Chapter 26

"Coach," I said, "my parents were screwed-up people who drank together a lot […] Mom and Dad had drunk fights and drunk make-ups and drunk sex, and I was scared to death a lot of the time. They t...