Quote 21
When I look at the Abnegation lifestyle as an outsider, I think it's beautiful. When I watch my family move in harmony; when we go to dinner parties and everyone cleans together afterward without having to be asked; when I see Caleb help strangers carry their groceries, I fall in love with this life all over again. It's only when I try to live it myself that I have trouble. It never feels genuine.
But choosing a different faction means I forsake my family. Permanently. (3.36-7)
This book does not waste time with the whole family vs. identity vs. faction conflict, which Tris lays out nicely here. Notice the movement: (a) my family and faction are beautiful to (b) I don't belong here. That's not a great transition; and she experiences this disappointment of not belonging "all over again."
Quote 22
Maybe my problem isn't that I can't go home. I will miss my mother and father and Caleb and evening firelight and the clack of my mother's knitting needles, but that is not the only reason for this hollow feeling in my stomach.
My problem might be that even if I did go home, I wouldn't belong there, among people who give without thinking and care without trying. (7.122-3)
See how family and "identity" overlap: Tris may miss her family, but she feels that she doesn't belong there. In other words, her identity doesn't match up with her family. But check out how vividly she describes the pleasures of her old home—"evening firelight," the sound of knitting needles. She may not belong in that family (she thinks), but she sure misses it.
Quote 23
I run my fingers through my hair and smooth it into a bun. I check my clothes—am I covered up? My pants are tight and my collarbone is showing. They won't approve.
Who cares if they approve? I set my jaw. This is my faction now. These are the clothes my faction wears. I stop just before the hallway ends.
Clusters of families stand on the Pit floor, most of them Dauntless families with Dauntless initiates. They still look strange to me—a mother with a pierced eyebrow, a father with a tattooed arm, an initiate with purple hair, a wholesome family unit. I spot Drew and Molly standing alone at one end of the room and suppress a smile. At least their families didn't come. (15.13-5)
Yes, Drew and Molly's families don't show up. In fact, we don't get to meet the families of lots of the jerks and villains in the book. It's a rare moment where she has something in common with them—absent families.
Quote 24
Scrubbing the floor when no one else wanted to was something that my mother would have done. If I can't be with her, the least I can do is act like her sometimes. (17.3)
After spending several chapters defying her family and their influence on her, here Tris is, after doing something her mother would do because it makes her feel better. This is after Edward was stabbed in the eye, so it makes sense that she would want to return to the non-stabby ways of her family.
Quote 25
At home I used to spend calm, pleasant nights with my family. My mother knit scarves for the neighborhood kids. My father helped Caleb with his homework. There was a fire in the fireplace and peace in my heart, as I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing, and everything was quiet.
I have never been carried around by a large boy, or laughed until my stomach hurt at the dinner table, or listened to the clamor of a hundred people all talking at once. Peace is restrained; this is free. (19.72-3)
Tris remembers, once again, how nice things were in the Abnegation household—firelight, knitting, family, reading A Game of Thrones. But now she's realizing that Dauntless has some awesome stuff to offer, too. She's starting to enjoy her Dauntless friendships—being carried, laughing, being surrounded by people, watching Game of Thrones on HBO. Has friendship replaced family?
Quote 26
Marcus shows us his hands. A belt is curled around one of his fists. Slowly he unwinds it from his fingers. (25.120)
Not all families are alike. There's Tris's loving family, and then there's Four's family: one kid, dead mother, abusive father who used to beat Four and imprison him in a small closet. Sure, Tris's family might feel wrong for her identity—but Four's family is bad for his health.
Quote 27
I stare at her. I sat next to her at the kitchen table, twice a day, for sixteen years, and never once did I consider the possibility that she could have been anything but Abnegation-born. How well did I actually know my mother? (35.25)
For Tris, a large part of growing up and getting her own identity is recognizing how her family members have their own identities. It starts with Caleb, who seems like the perfect kid, but who switches to the hated Erudite faction, and it goes on from there. Probably the most significant realization for Tris is this one, when she learns that her mom has her own identity and her own story.
Quote 28
"I am not frigid!" I exclaim.
"Don't worry about it," says Will. "It's endearing. Look, you're all red."
The comment only makes my face hotter. Everyone else chuckles. I force a laugh and, after a few seconds, it comes naturally.
It feels good to laugh again. (8.47-53)
If everyone feeling sad (but not crying about it) is a good foundation for friendship, this is the, uh, first floor of friendship: joking around and laughing together. Now, of course it's Will—the joker and teaser—who is leading this friendly moment, but even Tris joins in. But here's a question that's never answered by the book: why does she "force a laugh" at first? Is it just to fit in? Or is it because she's not used to laughing?
Quote 29
I guess I haven't really had a friend, period. It's impossible to have real friendship when no one feels like they can accept help or even talk about themselves. That won't happen here. I already know more about Christina than I ever knew about Susan, and it's only been two days. (9.7)
If you can't remember Susan, she's a neighbor from the Abnegation days who… well, we don't remember. Which is kind of the point: Abnegation don't talk about themselves (or laugh very much, since it's hard to joke about self-sacrifice), so you can't really make close friends there. Which means that when she arrives at the Dauntless compound, the whole having friends thing is totally new potatoes.
Quote 30
The shouts of triumph become infectious, and I lift my voice to join in, running toward my teammates. Christina holds the flag up high, and everyone clusters around her, grabbing her arm to lift the flag even higher. I can't reach her, so I stand off to the side, grinning. (12.190)
Competition doesn't mix so well with friendship in this book, even when the friends are on the same side. Here, Tris and Christina are on the same team in a paintball game. But when Christina grabs the flag, Tris—who came up with the plan—feels left out. Yes, Tris joins in the shouting and running, but at the end of the paragraph, she's still "off to the side."
Quote 31
Al and I meet eyes, like we usually do when Will and Christina start to fight. But this time, the second our eyes meet, we both look away. I hope this awkwardness between us doesn't last long. I want my friend back. (16.37)
Tris may be living in a dystopian Chicago where everyone is in some faction, which is totally unlike your life. But here she is experiencing something that you're probably familiar with: she's sharing a secret look with her friend Al, but it's an uncomfortable look because he like likes her. How very ordinary.
Quote 32
The articles troubled me, but I had friends to cheer me up, and that is something. When the first one was released, Christina charmed one of the cooks in the Dauntless kitchens, and he let us try some cake batter. After the second article, Uriah and Marlene taught me a card game, and we played for two hours in the dining hall. (21.6)
Since Tris isn't used to having friends, she makes some statements like this that make it pretty easy to see where the theme of friendship pops up. When something bothers Tris, she has friends to help her. So we could say that, in Divergent, friends are people who cheer you up.
Quote 33
I don't need them—but do I want them? Every tattoo I got with them is a mark of their friendship, and almost every time I have laughed in this dark place was because of them. I don't want to lose them. But I feel like I have already. (21.113)
Real talk: sometimes friends can get you down. Because they're all competing for the same thing, Tris and her friends sometimes fight—both literally (when they're punching and kicking in the arena) and, well, literally in a different way (when they're arguing about whether they can trust each other). Friendship sure is good and bad mixed together.
Quote 34
I don't know who I should rely on more, because I'm not sure who my true friends are. Uriah and Marlene, who were on my side even when I seemed strong, or Christina and Will, who have always protected me when I seemed weak? (23.56)
If friends are the people who cheer you up (like Will and Christina) and protect you (like Al), what happens when you don't need cheering up or protecting—are they still your friends? And what about those people who only want to be friends as long as you're happy and don't need their help? That's the exact conundrum Tris is dealing with here and it's a very relatable problem. But don't worry, this problem will be solved by a war that ends up killing many of Tris's loved ones.
Quote 35
Maybe Eric perceives Four as a potential threat to his position. My father says that those who want power and get it live in terror of losing it. That's why we have to give power to those who do not want it. (7.62)
In Abnegation, power seems to go to those who don't want it. But in Dauntless, power seems to go to whoever wants it most, like Peter, who wants it so bad he stabs a guy in the eye. What's funny about this situation is that Four doesn't want power in Dauntless, which makes him a good Abnegation, but not such a great Dauntless.
Quote 36
It takes me five rounds to hit the middle of the target, and when I do, a rush of energy goes through me. I am awake, my eyes wide open, my hands warm. I lower the gun. There is power in controlling something that can do so much damage—in controlling something, period. Maybe I do belong here. (8.22-3)
Power isn't just about governments, it's about individuals and how they feel (when they have guns). Tris feels a very specific type of power when she's packing: the power to shoot things. This is very Dauntless of her, since they're into that sort of power (controlling, shooting).
Quote 37
If there were people around, I doubt any of them would help Christina. We are with Eric, for one thing, and for another, the Dauntless have different rules—rules that brutality does not violate. (9.68)
Power sure is a nice thing to have, unless you're a psychopath with control issues and no one to stop you—then it's kind of a pain in the rear for everyone around you. Just ask Christina here.
Quote 38
"Were you even listening?" The heat in my cheeks is gone, and my breaths are more even now.
"Your stupid ex-faction isn't just insulting Abnegation anymore. They're calling for an overthrow of the entire government."
Will laughs. "No, they're not. They're arrogant and dull, and that's why I left them, but they aren't revolutionaries. They just want more say, that's all, and they resent Abnegation for refusing to listen to them."
"They don't want people to listen, they want people to agree," I reply. "And you shouldn't bully people into agreeing with you." I touch my palms to my cheeks. "I can't believe my brother joined them." (19.20-2)
Dauntless power usually involves destroying stuff (or people); Erudite power seems to involve bullying people into agreeing with you (or controlling their minds, which is practically the same thing). But notice all the other themes floating around power: there's the society issue (which faction should rule?) and the family issue (how could Caleb join those Erudite who want power?).
Quote 39
"Among other things, you...you are someone who is aware, when they are in a simulation, that what they are experiencing is not real," she says. "Someone who can then manipulate the simulation or even shut it down. And also..." She leans forward and looks into my eyes. "Someone who, because you are also Dauntless...tends to die." (20.48)
Tris is pretty good with a gun, but she's even better at manipulating the simulations. This power might help Tris, but it also makes her a target. But then again, that's almost always true of anyone who has power.
Quote 40
I stand next to the chasm. I hear the roar of the water. I scream into the hand that covers my mouth and thrash to free myself, but the arms are too strong; my kidnappers are too strong. The image of myself falling into darkness flashes into my mind, the same image that I now carry with me in my nightmares. I scream again; I scream until my throat hurts and I squeeze hot tears from my eyes. (27.38)
Tris may be going through a part of Lauren's fear landscape, but it's a fear that just happens to line up with her own recent experience of being powerless when Peter attacked her. We can see here the long-term consequences of powerlessness, since her experience with Peter leads to her being afraid here. Other consequences of powerlessness? Nightmares, and, oh yeah, death.