Quote 61
I nod. Four told me that Eric's vision for Dauntless is not what it's supposed to be, but I wish he would tell me exactly what he thinks the right vision is. I get glimpses of it every so often—the Dauntless cheering when I jumped off the building, the net of arms that caught me after zip lining—but they are not enough. Has he read the Dauntless manifesto? Is that what he believes in—in ordinary acts of bravery? (21.98)
This vision of the politics within the Dauntless faction tells us that there's a little fight going on over whether Dauntless should choose competition or teamwork as their main goal. So even though all the Dauntless have already made their One Big Choice, they've still got some littler choices to make about what that One Big Choice really stands for.
Quote 62
The faction members are milling around everywhere. Erudite faction norms dictate that a faction member must wear at least one blue article of clothing at a time, because blue causes the body to release calming chemicals, and "a calm mind is a clear mind." The color has also come to signify their faction. It seems impossibly bright to me now. I have grown used to dim lighting and dark clothing. (28.14)
There's that phrase again: "faction norms." What's fun about this moment where Tris invades the Erudite library looking for her brother is that she notes the Erudite norms (wearing blue) and talks about that a fair bit; and then she very briefly mentions how weird this looks to her because she's used to "dim lighting and dark clothes." Why is used to that? Well, because that's the norm of Dauntless faction.
Quote 63
I release the trigger of my gun and drop it. Before I can lose my nerve, I turn and press my forehead to the barrel of the gun behind me.
Shoot me instead.
"One!"
I hear a click, and a bang. (30.90-3)
Tris at one point looks down on Al for not acting—for not making a choice (10.78). But here Tris makes a very heroic, self-sacrificing choice not to act, herself. Instead of shooting her family (in this fear simulation), Tris makes the choice to give her own life. And we get that choice very directly in Tris's italicized wish that she should be shot instead. It may look passive, but it's actually a pretty strong choice on her part.
Quote 64
I can't wage war against Abnegation, against my family. I would rather die. My fear landscape proved that. My list of options narrows, and I see the path I must take. I will pretend long enough to get to the Abnegation sector of the city. I will save my family. And whatever happens after that doesn't matter. A blanket of calm settles over me. (33.16)
Being undecided can be very painful, as we see when Tris makes up her mind and instantly feels calm. What's curious about this choice for Tris is that she sees it as hardly a choice: her "list of options narrows" and there's only one path she can take. That's the opposite of making a choice, right? ("I have to do this" vs. "I choose to do this.")
Quote 65
What a good actor he was. The thought makes me sick to my stomach, because even though I left them too, at least I was no good at pretending. At least they all knew that I wasn't selfless. (6.30)
Tris deals with her brother's secret in a classic, sisterly fashion: by feeling sick to her stomach. It's interesting that what really bothers Tris isn't the betrayal of the family—both kids left, after all. What really bothers her is how good he was at keeping that secret for so long.
Quote 66
Fear prickles inside me, in my chest and in my head and in my hands. I feel like the word "DIVERGENT" is branded on my forehead, and if he looks at me long enough, he'll be able to read it. But he just lifts his hand from my shoulder and keeps walking. (13.74)
Tris is worried that her secret about being Divergent is pretty obvious to Four. Which is the downside to keeping secrets: you're always worried that someone is going to find out. So here, while Four seems to be supportive, Tris still feels like she can't share her full identity with him.
Quote 67
She launches into the story of our first day, and my body relaxes, but I still feel heavy. I should not lie to my friends. It creates barriers between us, and we already have more than I want. Christina taking the flag. Me rejecting Al. (16.60)
Tris is new to this whole friends thing and new to keeping secrets and new to Dauntless. So, this is going to go well, right? Notice how this secret gets lumped in with her competition issues (who gets the flag) and friendship issues (everybody loves Al—except Tris). Secrets are just another thing that separate Tris and her newfound friends.
Quote 68
The reports that label my family as corrupt, power-hungry, moralizing dictators? The reports that carry subtle threats and hint at revolution? They make me sick to my stomach. Knowing that she is the one who released them makes me want to strangle her.
I smile.
"Wholeheartedly," I say. (28.106-8)
Here's one good thing about secrets: yes, they can drive a wedge between you and your friends (see above), but secrets can also drive a wedge between you and your enemies, which is handy. In this passage, Tris's secret is laid out clearly for us in the line about this making Tris feel sick to her stomach and strangle-happy. But all that is on the inside; on the outside, Tris is willing to lie and manipulate Jeanine to get what she wants.
Quote 69
I don't know when I accumulated so many secrets. Being Divergent. Fears. How I really feel about my friends, my family, Al, Tobias. Candor initiation would reach things that even the simulations can't touch; it would wreck me. (28.199)
"It would wreck me" is a pretty strong statement. Like, if you imagine spilling your secrets, you might say "it would embarrass me" or "it would damage some of my friendships." But Tris rockets past anything like that and ends up with the word "wreck." She might be being a little melodramatic with that word, or maybe she thinks her secrets are really terrible things that would make people hate her. That's a problem with secrets: you don't know how people will react until you, you know, tell them.