I Never Promised You a Rose Garden Chapter 23 Summary

  • Deborah starts to see more light and color in the world, and she starts to make eye contact with people.
  • Deborah also starts to tire of D ward and find it limiting, so she asks for the privilege of walking the grounds more often—which she is granted.
  • Deborah tells Dr. Fried that she's starting to feel as if she might be part of the real world, after all.
  • Deborah is transferred back to B ward. Carla is there, and Deborah tells her she's happy to see her and be together.
  • Carla confides in Deborah that she went out into the world outside of the hospital, and it was difficult and lonely. Carla guesses she'll probably try again when she's ready.
  • Deborah and Carla go together to the craft shop in B ward, and Deborah sees a drawing pad she likes.
  • Then Deborah sees Miss Coral waving at her from a window up in D ward, and they communicate back and forth using hand signals. Miss Coral relays that she was in a fight. Deborah relays that she now feels free.
  • In the craft shop, one of the workers recognizes Deborah from D ward and says it out loud. Deborah then feels the stares and judgment from the other workers. Carla notices the looks and says that now Deborah is in B ward.
  • Deborah asks Carla if those are the kinds of looks people give mental patients in the outside world.
  • Carla explains that yes, it happens sometimes. You have to show "sanity papers" when you go to get a job, and you're nervous because everyone knows you were sick. It makes it hard to make friends. The doctors tell you to be less anxious about it, but it's hard.
  • Deborah tells Carla that Helene was nice to her when she left D ward and even asked why it couldn't be her leaving D ward instead. Deborah encouraged Helene by saying, "Why not?" Helene said "maybe" but then started cursing. But Deborah realized Helene was cursing her feelings of doubt, not her.
  • In a session with Dr. Fried, Deborah admits to not trusting non-Jews. She's even pretended these people were Jewish in her head to allow herself to get close to them. But being around patients in the hospital makes Deborah realize that insanity breaches the boundaries of religion. These boundaries don't matter to her now.
  • Dr. Fried asks Deborah to revisit the memory of trying to throw her sister Suzy out of the window when Suzy was an infant. Dr. Fried analyzes the details of Deborah's story and determines that no five-year-old could lift a baby out of a high bassinet, carry her to a window, open the window at the same time, and then dangle a baby out of it.
  • Deborah concedes, after all this time, that maybe the memory is false. What she remembers clearly is hating Suzy and thinking about killing her. Esther walked in at that moment and Deborah felt so guilty about her thoughts that she must have falsely remembered acting on them.
  • Deborah also remembers feeling happy when she was five years old—before she felt guilt about wanting to hurt Suzy. Remembering happiness is proof to her that she can be happy and alive again.
  • Idat calls from Yr, and Deborah tells her that Earth is a good place. Idat tells Deborah that she'll keep a female form to give Deborah something to model herself on. Deborah thinks this is silly, since Idat is impossibly beautiful and cries diamonds for tears.
  • At dinner, Carla looks nervous and drops her coffee cup with shaking hands. Deborah holds Carla's hands in comfort. She thinks how she'd like to thank Sylvia and McPherson for their kindnesses.
  • Then Deborah realizes that Carla looks better after she comforted her. Deborah feels good about herself and, for the first time, thinks that she might be a good person.