How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)
Quote #1
"No, James is much cuter," Laurel says. "But Polly thinks it's too obvious he doesn't have time for girls."
I think it's just as obvious that Link's time is similarly engaged, but I don't say anything. My brother's and James's lack of time for girls isn't something I've ever thought about in quite those terms. And the terms, spoken aloud by people I don't really know, sound different from when I make quiet note of them. I don't particularly like the way they sound spoken aloud, although I don't know why.
(4.12-13)
"Doesn't have time for girls" is an interesting way of putting it, isn't it? It doesn't imply he doesn't like girls, or that he specifically likes boys better, just that he's already pretty preoccupied with something else. But it's enough to make Ellen think twice about why Link and James exude such an exclusive aura.
Quote #2
But wouldn't I know? This is so ridiculous. It's one thing for me to respect Link's desire to leave important information unsaid. It's quite another for me to be unable to tell myself critical facts about the people I love. I will tolerate bad grades but not this kind of ignorance. Surely I can follow Link's rules but also find things out. I will ask Mom.
(5.3)
This is a pretty fair question. Ellen is really close to her older brother, so she's right in feeling like she should know something as big as his sexual orientation. However, is it super important to their relationship? Does she have to know in order to remain close?
Quote #3
"I don't know if your brother is gay," Mom says, pouring milk into the bottom of her cup. "It's clear to me he and James love each other. Link seems happy more often than not."
For this we had to get tea and cake?"They are both very young," Mom says. "I'm not sure they know." (5.14-15)
Gotta love Mom. She has a clear bottom line: If he's happy, she's happy. She doesn't need to put a label on it, at least not until things start going sour.
Quote #4
"I have nothing to hide from Ellen," James says. "About anything. Can you say the same?"
Furious, Link turns to me. "I am not gay," he says. "James is gay.""She didn't say anything about being gay," James says. "My God, she's like your clone. She didn't even utter the word."
"She implied it," Link says. "You told me to answer her and I did. I answered her implied question."
"Then answer this: What makes me gay and not you?" James asks.
"You've slept with people," Link says.
(5.67-72)
There's a lot going on in this quote. James just wants to DTR (Define the Relationship), because, thanks to Ellen, the question is finally out there. Link, on the other hand, is furious. He's angry because James has slept with other people; he's angry because he's not sure if he's gay or not; and he's livid because he's being forced to confront his own confusion and shame.
Quote #5
"What about being gay?" James asks. "Could you be more specific?"
"Is it the sex that makes you gay? Was Link right?"
I am about to ask why Link hasn't slept with anyone. Why Link hasn't, for instance, slept with James. If sex were the one thing separating me from James, I would do it. Wouldn't Link?
(6.11-13)
People have been wondering what makes someone gay for quite some time now. It's not something that is easily defined but that also feels important to clarify when you're in situations like this.
Quote #6
"I'm not an expert," he says, "but I don't think sex is the thing that makes someone gay."
"What does?"
"It's more whom you love," James says. "The how and why of it. And if what you get back is worth what you give up."
What is he talking about?
"Is Link?" I ask, putting aside the question of what makes someone gay.
"Is Link what?" James asks.
"Gay," I say, being specific. "Is he gay?"
"He doesn't know," James says. "Which makes him afraid he is. Which makes him swear he isn't."
"Are you?" I ask, realizing yet again that I am not going to get an answer about my brother. I might as well find out about James.
"I don't know either," James says, pouring us both another glass. "It doesn't scare me, though."
(6.20-29)
Why is it so scary for Link, but James is seemingly unperturbed? What is the difference between them? We're thinking it's a combo of family and personality.
Quote #7
"It's not that I don't like girls," James says. "I do."
"Which girls?" I ask, reviewing the ones who told me to tell him hi. None of them deserve to sleep with James.
"Just generic girls. That's why I have no idea if I'm gay."
"Does Link like girls?"
"You know, we make a big point of not talking about them," James says. "Girls don't interest me compared with Link. But compared with Link, men don't interest me either. All in all, though, girls are… girls have interesting qualities." (6.36-40)
There are so many terms today that help define where people fall on the spectrum in regards to sexual identity. James seems to identify with bisexuality, or even pansexuality (the attraction to someone with no regard for their gender identification). What makes him so interesting here, though, is that he's not in a hurry to declare a label for himself in any way.
Quote #8
"So you're not gay?" I ask, meaning, compared to Link am I enough?
"Not any more than I ever was," James says.
I get that the thing that matters to him is what he can have with somebody. Be it a girl, a boy, a man, or a woman. Right now I am the someone he has. This doesn't make him straight, but it doesn't make him gay either. We leave it unsaid. Not because it is to be avoided, but because it is obvious. (10.33-35)
Ellen gets it, we think, and it's great that she is able to view things from James's perspective. But has she given any thought to whether James likes her because she's so much like Link? And is that important?
Quote #9
Let me guess," James asks. "They're still afraid you're gay."
So that's what it is. Fear. Dad's afraid Link's gay, and Mom's afraid Dad will be or already is handling it badly. It's not that either of them knows. They can't know anything for sure about Link. But the fear is everywhere. I do admire Mom, but I love James for saying clearly and fearlessly what is going on. I look to Link, who does not love clear and fearless speech nearly as much. (14.62-63)
Why is there so much fear involved? Would it really be so bad if Link is gay? And if it is, is that because of what society will do with that information, or are they scared about their own responses? And don't these people know that the only thing they have to fear is fear itself? Rip the band-aid off, already.
Quote #10
"I matter less than what he thinks is important," Link says. "And what could I have told him?
"Whatever you were thinking," James says. "The truth."
"What could I have told him that was true?" Link asks. "What is there about me that's true, and is it anything he wants to know?"
[…]
"You could have told him whatever you are telling yourself," James says.
"I don't think that would have helped much," Link says. "Which is, I realize, your point." (14.77-79, 81-82)
Ellen has a hard time following this circuitous conversation, and we don't blame her. James wants Link to just talk to his dad about everything they've been sweeping under the rug (or should we say hiding in the closet? Ba-dum-bum). However, Link doesn't know enough about how he feels to tell the "truth" about it—which is why he's kind of stuck.
Quote #11
I think it is the men he has been with that make James reluctant. The men he slept with in order to annoy Link. I read in one of my books on gay identity (or was it yet another good-sex-is-safe-sex pamphlet?) that when you have sex with someone, you have sex with all the people that person has slept with. Perhaps James is somewhat creeped out by the idea of those men coming into contact with me when they were meant to help him reach my brother. (18.13)
Link isn't the only one trying to sort out his sexual identity. Even though James is much more comfortable talking about the fluidity of his attractions, he's still pretty unsure about what it all means to him.