How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)
Quote #1
F**got is one of the many words that I know are used instead of the pleasant-sounding gay, whose definition has totally eluded me tonight. There are a bunch of these words: queer, queen, fairy. How come I know this awful list and not very much else about what gay means? (6.68)
What does it say about our society when marginalized groups are known more by their derogatory slang than their actual identity? Or does this statement make this book dated because that kind of ignorance would be surprising in today's era of awareness?
Quote #2
Michelangelo was gay. Oscar Wilde went to prison for being gay (he died in Paris) but was married and had children. It used to be against the law for men to have sex with each
other. People got arrested, lost their jobs, were abandoned by their friends, were put in mental homes, or killed themselves. A math genius who helped Britain beat the Nazis was rewarded by losing his security clearance when the government found out he was gay.
(7.6)
Society has always feared those who are different, and though it's come a long way since Oscar Wilde's imprisonment, gay people still face a considerable amount of discrimination.
Quote #3
Now it's not a big deal. There's AIDS to worry about or getting attacked by a redneck, but that's about it. Only people who don't know better still think it's shameful or wrong to be gay, but not people we know. Not smart people. Which makes me think there's something seriously wrong with Link. Why the nuclear meltdown at my asking if he and James were a couple? James said Link was afraid. Afraid of what? Link's too smart to think like the people I've read about. The religious zealots and other people who don't know better. (7.7)
Did you read this passage and cringe? To think that being gay is no big deal is pretty dismissive of something that probably feels pretty darn "big" to the person who is struggling to figure it out. We are going to be generous, though, and chalk this up to Ellen's naïveté.
Quote #4
People used to think that being gay was a mental illness, but doctors (especially psychiatrists) no longer believe that. Even if Mr. and Mrs. Wentworth aren't fit to be parents, I've never heard Mom call them stupid. I ask James if his parents know that reasonable people don't think being gay is a mental illness.
"They do know," he says. "They send me so I can make my own choices without being influenced by their deep desire that I be straight."
"Why is that their desire?"
"Because no one wants their kid to be gay."
"Mom doesn't care," I say.
"Your mother may not, but check with your father," James says.
(7.47-52)
It's interesting that James knows more about how Ellen's parents will react than she does. Is it because he's more mature? Because he's had more time to think about it? And why do you think he says that no parent would want their kid to be gay?
Quote #5
"Why would Dad care?" I ask, reluctant to reveal that he does. "It's not against the law anymore."
"No one gets arrested anymore," he says. "But it's not exactly legal."
"All those laws were overturned," I say. "So it is legal."
"Ellen, there are a ton of laws that no one wants to admit exist," James says. "Laws that monitor behavior."
I think of Newland in The Age of Innocence and how he was kept from his every desire by what society expected. How it was all unspoken but clear.
"You mean social laws?" I ask.
"Yes," James says. "They're unwritten laws, so they never get overturned, but everyone is expected to obey them."
"What happens if you refuse to?" I ask, wondering if that's why my old school used to send notes home. Perhaps my "failure to connect" disobeyed an unwritten social law.
(7.54-61)
It's interesting that all of this needs to be spelled out so explicitly for Ellen. She has a particularly hard time picking up on social cues, at least compared to normal teens, so James has to explain why being gay is so taboo.
Quote #6
I have, of course, missed learning about these particular laws in my reading. No one writes them down because that would involve admitting they exist. Everyone has to learn what they are and how to cope with them in their own way. The unwritten social laws about gay people might be ones that Dad, despite being smart and someone I know, obeys. And he probably wants us to obey them as well. The way he wants us to obey his laws about our minds and their heartbeats. (7.63)
All of these revelations seem a bit obvious, don't they? Many of these social cues are something that people naturally pick up on—hence the largely inherited nature of bigotry and prejudice—so the fact that Ellen has to really puzzle over all of this makes her seem a bit innocent about the ways of the world.
Quote #7
What was it like to be Link hearing just how badly Dad wants him to obey those laws that no one will write down? What was it like to be Dad wanting that so badly? I try to look at them as if they are strangers. As if I could ever understand them. I try and I fail. (13.57)
Just because social rules exist doesn't mean that they are right. Finally, Ellen is seeing the importance of these "laws" as they apply to her. Link is suffering because their dad rigidly adheres to these prejudices, believing they are best for his family. Suddenly Ellen sees that even though her father is one of the smartest people she knows, he's not always right.
Quote #8
"Like most minorities, gay people are forced to live outside the mainstream of society," Dad says.
"That's ridiculous," I say. "Lots of famous people are gay." Of course, right at this moment the only famous gay people I can think of are dead.
"Famous is not the issue," Dad says. "It's that by virtue of being different from the majority, gay people find themselves outside. In life's margins, if you will. From there, they are able to make unique observations. Most art—dance, music, poetry, what have you—is an expressed observation." (16.32-34)
This is one of the ways in which our story, as lovely as it is, can be a bit dated. Yes, often times gay people are marginalized in ways that are both obvious and invisible, but in our country today this is gradually becoming less true.
Quote #9
Perhaps my father is not so clueless after all. It's only by being forced to navigate (as opposed to simply obeying) society's unwritten laws that you realize they exist. And that allows you –forces you—to look at things differently from the way people who follow the laws without much, if any, thought look at things. (16.35)
Ellen is finally catching on. The reason she never picked up on those social rules was because they didn't apply to her. Now that she has a reason to try to navigate the unwritten laws surrounding homosexuality, she has more awareness than those who continue living their lives blissfully ignorant.
Quote #10
"What makes you care so much about Link?" I ask. "Don't you want him to have a unique perspective?"
"Your brother is not gay," Dad says.
"We don't know that," I say, thinking how the more I hear Dad and Link say he is not gay, the less I believe it. "He doesn't even know. You're afraid he is. Why?"
"Link is endlessly talented," Dad says. "He's crawling with potential. While the margins may afford certain observations, it is also a limited way to live. I want your brother's life to be limitless." (16.36-39)
Dad doesn't even see how hypocritical he is being with that last statement, but it's a doozy. He doesn't want to limit Link's possibilities, and yet he is blatantly placing limits on who he is should love. Oops.