My Heartbeat Communication Quotes

My whole family's reaction to any kind of conflict is to avoid it. Each of us would prefer to spend money or chew off a limb rather than have a fight. Our aversion to fights is a quiet one except for Link. He always makes a big drama out of removing himself from an argument. The rest of us are more low-key about it. (1.27)

I don't say anything. He's not asking me a question so much as telling me it's none of my business. He never says that to me in a flat-out way, of course. It's more Link's style to put all the important information into what he doesn't say. Sometimes I understand him and lots of times I don't. (1.53)

Neither Newland or the Countess can bring themselves to say the obvious: I love you and no one else. Newland, in particular, is so concerned with what people might think of him that when he sends the Countess flowers, he doesn't include a card. The Countess doesn't want to upset anyone and therefore never asks for anything. Not even the thing she wants most, which is for Newland to love her. This seems like an unbelievably horrible way to live your life. (2.36)

Talking with Dad can go two ways. One, he knows you don't understand what he's talking about and he is disappointed in you. Two, he doesn't know and so keeps on talking, which gives you a chance to figure it out. (3.26)

"Do you think Link's gay?" Mom says. "Is that what you want to know?"

She has stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. She almost never breaks her stride. When we were little we could never get her to stop.

"I don't know," I say. "I just wondered."

"I see," she says. "Have you asked him?"

"No," I say, annoyed that she is trying to dodge my question. "Have you?"

"No," she says. "I haven't. Do you want to talk about this?"

I nod. Sure, of course.
(5.6-12)

"Would you care if they were?" I ask.

"No. I care that Link's happy. Your father, on the other hand, cares very much. It's one of many reasons that I have never broached the subject with Link."

[…]

"Has Dad asked Link?"

"No, of course not," Mom says. "Your father has many wonderful qualities. Direct discourse is not one of them." (5.17-21)

"What if Link thinks it's nobody's business?" I ask.

"If you want to know your brother better, you have to be willing to let him know that."

As if by not asking Link, I don't want to know him. That's not fair.

"Yes," I say, wanting to yell at her that if she has many reasons for not asking Link, I might do well to follow her example.

"I know Link can be a difficult person to talk to," Mom says. "He is very like his father, but they are both worth every effort."

"Hmmmm," I say, no longer wanting to yell, just frustrated that I am not going to get an answer from anyone other than my prickly, secretive brother. (5.24-29)

"Link and I have been needing to have this conversation for some time," he says.

"You didn't have a conversation," I say, in case he thinks people stomping out is any kind of talking.

"We had enough," James says. "Our positions are clear now."
(6.4-6)

"And if it's not asking too much," James says, "I would like to cure at least one McConnell of the belief that saying nothing means there's nothing to say." (6.18)

Before Link met James, my brother and I spent time together giving each other quiet company. I would watch him build model planes, cars, or ships. He might read me a story —skipping over the sections he deemed dull— or help me build a palace from an ancient set of building blocks. We didn't sit around chatting. It was only after James entered the picture that I heard Link talk a lot. Now I know that much too much was going unsaid, but without James around I would never have heard Link's opinions on movies, books, other people, or music. (8.2)

I could talk about how I am at least six steps ahead of him when it comes to coping with the unwritten social laws about gay people. But I am reluctant to have a disagreement or, worse and more likely, an argument with my father. Even if he is clueless, I don't want to disappoint him. And anyway, the talk with Dad about gay people surely belongs more to my brother than to me.
(9.23)

I could have— should have— guessed from Mom's furious, frightened eyes that she was getting ready to blame Dad for what Link has done. No doubt, Dad flew home with a similar intention. I see a much delayed fight taking place about their different ideas regarding my brother's life. I don't see anyone responding to whatever important information Link has put into his blank exams. I hope there will be no yelling involved. (13.11)

"Your father means well," James says. "And when you want to tell him what he is afraid to know, he might find a way to approve."

"I tried to talk to Dad," Link says. "But it was pointless. It wouldn't change what he thinks is best."

"It doesn't matter what he thinks is best," James says. "It's what you think.

"Right," Link says. "What I think matters to him."

"You matter to him," James says. "You underestimate what that is worth." (14.71-75)

"You can make me go," Link says, "but you can't force me to talk to anyone. It's a waste."

"Your persistent retreat into silence is precisely why you are going into therapy," Mom says.

"What, all of a sudden silence in this house is a bad thing?" Link asks. "When the hell did this happen?"

"Your language is unnecessary," Dad says. (15.6-9)

"There is nothing wrong with silence," Mom says, pouring her tea with one hand, holding her drink with the other. "It's not a bad way to express yourself. What concerns us about your silence is that you are not sure what you are expressing with it."

"I'm sure," Link says. "I know what I am expressing."

"I'm not convinced you do," Mom says. "It's a bit too loud for you to be so certain."

"What will it take for you to believe I know what my silence means?" Link asks.

"When it's not so hostile," Mom says. "I don't mind the hostility aimed at us, but so much of it is landing on you." (15.20-24)