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You know how they say a dog is man's best friend? That started in ancient Egypt, when new mummies met Anubis, in his jackal form, at death. Without Anubis's help, nobody makes it to the afterlife. This jackal god (okay, more like a black dog on two legs) keeps the dead and the living separated with his zombie control powers. And that's not all: in addition to being the underworld's chief ghost wrangler, Anubis is good with maps. He knows where every road in the universe goes, so if you ever get lost, you can always ask him how to get there.
Foremost of Westerners (they call Osiris this too—but I was first!), Guardian of the Scales, Jackal of All Trades, He Who Is Upon His Mountain, Opener of the Way, Nice Doggie (I hate that one. Hate.)
The Duat (the place the sun goes when it sets)
Guide of the dead, protector of mummies and cemeteries, Goth
Horus the Younger is king of the living, and Osiris is king of the dead. That's just the way it is.
Osiris (father), Nephthys (mother), Isis (stepmother). Some myths say Seth was my father instead of Osiris, but he's never been very nice to me.
Horus the Younger (half-brother)
Qebhet (Kebechet), goddess of cool water
The Four Sons of Horus (we're BFFs in the Halls of Judgment)
Pretty sure everybody gets along with me. You kind of have to, if you expect to get anywhere once you're dead.
Single. Some myths say I have a wife named Anput, but that's really just my own name written in a female form.
I don't have time for dating. Too many dead people to collect.
Are You Afraid of the Dark? (Bet I could really scare them!)
"A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist."
The Ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead, translated by R.O. Faulkner (Not only is this my favorite book, it's the test book for your final exam! If you don't pass this one, no afterlife for you.)
Another One Bites the Dust by Queen (And another one's gone… )
Beetlejuice (Glad I never had to deal with this guy in the judgment halls.)
Anatomy (I really love bones)