Study Guide

Banebdjed

  • Profile

    Who’s the ram headed god with the hottie chick squad? It’s Banebdjed. (Can you dig it?) This ancient Egyptian god’s got all the women, and is friends with all the men, because he’s the power of… well, you know. Call him ancient Viagra if you like, because Banebdjed’s all about sex, all the time. Oh yeah.

    Basic Information

    Name

    Banebdjed, Banebdjedet, Smendes

    Nickname

    Lord of Mendes, Ba of Osiris, Lord of the Djed-pillar, Old Goat, Ram Tough

    Sex

    Male (mm-hmm)

    Current city

    Djedet (Greek Mendes, modern Egyptian Tell el-Ruba)

    Work & Education

    Occupation

    Being a very naughty god

    Education

    School of love, baby. Hatmehit taught me a thing or two, and so did Isis and Hathor

    Beliefs

    Political views

    I’m sure I had some, but I have no idea who they are

    Family & Friends (& Enemies)

    Siblings

    none

    Children

    Horus the Younger, when I’m pretending to be Osiris

    Friends

    Isis, Osiris, Ra, Ptah

    Enemies

    Wintertime. Deserts.

    Relationships

    Relationship status

    Hatmehit is my partner, but I love all the ladies.

    Interested in

    Women—big time.

    Favorites

    TV Shows

    Sex and the City
    I never missed an episode.
    The Bachelor
    How do I get myself on this show?
    The Vampire Diaries
    Why do girls always fall for the dead guys? It’s like Osiris all over again.

    Quotations

    “People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves.”
    – Salma Hayek

    “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
    – Billy Crystal

    “Who so firm that cannot be seduced?”
    Shakespeare

    “There is beauty in everything. Just not everybody sees it.”
    – Andy Warhol

    “Get it on with me”
    – Marvin Gaye

    Books

    Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion
    Even the undead need love.
    Having a Coke with You by Frank O’Hara
    Sounds like a great afternoon to me.
    Kubla Khan by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
    A pleasure dome! What a great idea.
    The Song of Songs
    Even the Bible has some sexy time. Check it out!
    As You Like It by William Shakespeare
    Do what you like.
    Seedfolks by Paul Fleischman
    Gardens and love? Yes, please.
    The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
    Man, Puritans sure were mean to each other. Poor Hester.
    Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D. H. Lawrence
    It’s not all about sex. Not that I’m complaining…

    Music

    I Need Your Love by Calvin Harris
    Nothing better than being with the one you love.
    California Gurls by Katy Perry (with Snoop Dogg)
    Tasty… but Egyptian girls are very pretty, too.
    Let’s Spend the Night Together by The Rolling Stones
    Something tells me Mick’s gotten more girls than I have. No fair.
    Love Rollercoaster by Red Hot Chili Peppers
    Baby you know what I’m talkin’ about.
    There is always some Barry White on the speakers at my house. Aw yeah….
    Sex Machine by James Brown
    Get on up!
    Venus by Lady Gaga
    Who’s this Venus lady? Do I need an introduction?
    Get Lucky by Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams
    We’re up all night every night in Mendes.
    I Want to Hold Your Hand by the Beatles
    You know—to get things started.
    Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix
    My favorite song for my favorite fishy lady, Hatmehit.

    Movies

    Before Sunrise
    Hatmehit and I like to watch romances. We both liked this one.
    Casablanca
    Humphrey Bogart: What a guy.
    Les Miserables
    So sad and so beautiful!
    The Princess Bride
    This movie explains love—even if it is a kissing story.
    The Little Mermaid
    Even my fish goddess lady likes this one.
    Hotel Transylvania
    Just like in this movie, there’s nothing you can do if the zing of love gets you.
    Enchanted
    I’m not just about the sex, okay? I like a happy ending as much as anybody… and maybe I both cried a little at the end of this one.
    Dangerous Liaisons
    Warning: It’s very dangerous to play with love.

    Activities & Interests

    Likes

    Women
    Women
    More women
    Did I mention women?
    Watching the rain (We don’t get much in Mendes, and you can’t watch women all the time.)

    Interests

    Sex counseling
    Infertility treatments
    Family planning
    Fashion Week
    Feminism (I really love women)

    Groups

    Ancient Egyptian Gods 
    Egyptian Mythology
    Beauty Addicts
    St. Louis Rams
    Banebdjedet

  • Spotter's Guide

    Most of us have a hard time thinking of a ram as a sex machine, but ancient Egyptians didn’t. Banebdjed’s symbolic animal is a hieroglyph for fertility, and so the ram form, similar to the rams of Amun and Khnum, shows just how sexually potent he can be. Sometimes, Banebdjed wears Ptah or Osiris’s clothes, to show his connections to those two gods.

    Physical Appearance

    Sex: Male
    Age: Adult
    Build: A man with a ram’s head, or a ram with long, curly horns and a sexy goatee. When depicting the sun gods, I can have four ram’s heads.
    Complexion: In human-ram form, brown skin
    Hair Color: As a ram, brown or blue fur.
    Facial Hair: Check out the goatee, baby!
    Scars/marks/tattoos: none
    Jewelry and accessories: Golden bracelets and sometimes a golden collar around my neck. Sometimes I wear Osiris’s crown, or a sun disk like Ra, or both at the same time.
    Clothing: A white kilt or white mummy wrapping (like Ptah or Osiris) with a red belt
    Armor: none
    Type of Weapon: I'm a lover before a fighter

    Typical Companions

    Hatmehit
    Osiris
    Ptah
    Isis
    Hathor
    Horus the Younger
    Khnum
    Amun-Ra

    Known Hangouts

    In the bedroom
    Victoria’s Secret
    Anywhere with lots of ladies
    The maternity ward
    Wide green fields

  • Sightings

    Dec 20, 2019 - Dec 20, 2019

    A Princely Offering

    Ramses IX’s son Montuherkhopeshef (what a mouthful) makes offerings to Banebdjed for eternity, on the walls of his beautifully painted tomb in the Valley of the Kings near Luxor, Egypt. Check out the ram-headed vase the prince uses to pour water.

    Dec 20, 2019 - Jan 1, 1970

    Don’t Touch This—Or Else

    Setting up Banebdjed’s new temple was serious business. A donation stela (a kind of legal paper carved in stone), showing how much land and resources had been given for temple reconstruction, included a curse on anybody who tried to keep any of the land or building materials for himself. Would you want this god mad at you?

    Jan 1, 1970 - Dec 20, 2019

    Latin Lover

    Banebdjed’s priests provided services to Roman visitors, along with the priests of Isis. You could pick them out by their weird curly wigs and ram-head accessories, like in this bronze statue from Mendes.

    Dec 20, 2019 - Dec 20, 2019

    Could it be… Satan?

    Greeks coming to Egypt misunderstood what kind of animal Banebdjed’s symbol was, and often referred to him as “the goat of Mendes” (instead of a ram). In later periods, this misunderstanding, and the knowledge that Banebdjed was a sex god, caused him to be confused with Baphomet. Baphomet was a scary-looking a goat-headed spirit that the Catholic Church accused the Knights Templar of worshipping as a form of Satan. Banebdjed’s not evil, or even mean, so the comparison’s not fair, but it stuck.