Cúchulainn (Cúchulain)

Cúchulainn

Cúchulainn (the Hound of Culain), the Hound of Ulster

Male

Emain Macha, the king's capital city, or my home fortress of Dun Dealgan

Guardian of Culain's fortress, warrior for King Conchobar mac Nessa

I was trained as a warrior of the legendary Red Branch, a.k.a. heroes' boot camp.

I support the king, but I'm also a born rebel.

The hero-god Lugh and Dechtire, sister of King Conchobar. My stepdad is Sualtam.

None

Conlaoch (with Aoife)

Conchobar mac Nessa is my uncle and my patron. Laeg is my charioteer and Ferdiad's my BFF. Cathbad the Druid is kinda like a father figure, watching out to make sure I don't kill myself in battle or anything.

Medb and her husband, Ailill, are the rulers of Connacht in central-western Ireland. They keep trying to steal the famous Brown Bull of Cooley from its owner in Ulster. The Morrigan, goddess of war, also hates me because she was into me and I turned her down. Bricriu's no friend of mine, either—he's a fellow warrior, but a trickster at heart.

I'm married to Emer, but I've dated a lot of cuties. My little black book includes the warrior Scathach, her sister Aoife, and Scathach's daughter Uathach. My past girlfriends also include the goddess Fand and my friend's wife, Blaithine.

Yeah, I get around.

Beautiful women

Heroes 
(Think what good that cheerleader would have done for the armies of Ulster.)
The Office 
(Dwight's special skills could have come in handy in Ireland.)
The A-Team 
(I pity the fool who's never seen this show.)
WWE Smackdown 
(I'm not sure if this is real, but it's pretty fun to watch.)

"I had that stubborn streak. The Irish in me, I guess."
– Gregory Peck

"Hard times don't create heroes. It is during the hard times when the 'hero' within us is revealed."
– Bob Riley

"You become a champion by fighting one more round. When things are tough, you fight one more round."
– James J. Corbett

"I'll promise to go easier on drinking and to get to bed earlier, but not for you, fifty thousand dollars, or two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars will I give up women. They're too much fun."
– Babe Ruth

Beowulf 
(There's nothing like a good story about man vs. beast.)
Sir Gawain and the Green Knight 
Medea by Euripides 
(Jason's such a wuss.)
The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien 
(Who wants a ring when they could have a cow?)
The New Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding by Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Dobbins 
(My abs are just as good as Arnold's.)
The Aeneid by Virgil 
A Cow's Life by M. Montgomery and Gerald Foster 
(Don't criticize me for protecting my cattle after you read this.)
The Warrior Elite by Dick Couch  
A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin 
(Royal politics are so complicated sometimes.)

Monster by Kanye West ft. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj, and Bon Iver 
(I can tell these guys have done some monster-slaying in their time.)
Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen 
(I can't really relate to being born in the USA, but the guitar parts are sweet.)
Billie Jean by Michael Jackson 
(Who's Billie Jean? Where can I find her? What's her number?)
Hound Dog by Elvis Presley 
(This song was about Culain's hound. There's no doubt in my mind.)
Nuthin' but a "G" Thang by Dr. Dre 
("G" stands for "Gaelic.")
Stayin' Alive by The Bee Gees 
(There's nothing harder than "stayin' alive" when you're being chased down by dozens of chariots.)
Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones 
(My warm-up song before I hop into my chariot.)
Fight the Power by Public Enemy 
(In my case, I fought the powers that tried to steal the Brown Bull of Cooley.)

Monsters, Inc. 
(Why wasn't Culain's hound one of the evil monsters?)
Above the Law 
(Steven Seagal was pretty fighting fit here. That's back when he could take me on.)
Rocky 
(That run up the stairs isn't even a small part of my training regimen.)
Superman 
(This guy has some nice moves.)
Ondine 
(You've gotta love Colin Farrell, my grandson to the fortieth degree.)
The Godfather 
(This is a family that knew how to take care of business.)
Dr. No 
(In my next life, I think I'll be a spy.)
Hercules 
(This isn't a traditional hero's journey, but I'll buy it.)

Mr. Universe competitions
Miss Universe competitions
Chariot racing
Drinking games
Football (like any good Irishman)
My biceps

Military history
Sports science
Irish studies
Royal genealogy
Heraldry

God/Hero Seeking Workout Buddy
I Hate Dogs 
Ancient Ireland 
I'm Irish, Therefore, I Rock