How It All Goes Down
- The story opens with a classic universal truth: "A zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." Hmm…we remember it slightly differently…
- The evidence? Eighteen people recently died in zombie attacks at Netherfield Park.
- On the plus side, that means the house is available to rent, and someone has just snapped it up.
- One fine day, Mrs. Bennet tells her husband that she knows exactly who's rented the place out.
- Mr. Bennet is sharpening his daggers and polishing his muskets. He doesn't have much time for his wife's nonsense now that there are undead hoards roaming the countryside.
- But Mrs. Bennet is determined to tell her hubby all about Netherfield Park. It's been rented by a guy named Mr. Bingley. The dude is rich. And he's single. Won't that be nice for one of their five daughters?
- Mr. Bennet doesn't get it. Is Mr. Bingley gonna train the girls how to behead zombies? That's what's really important nowadays.
- Don't be so dense, Mr. Bennet. Obviously, Mrs. Bennet wants Bingley to marry one of them. Duh.
- Mr. Bennet doesn't get how his wife can think of marriage at a time like this. The undead walk the earth. Priorities?
- But Mrs. Bennet has got to agree to disagree with her husband on this one. Sure, this zombie plague has been terrorizing England for decades, but a lady simply must get married.
- Mr. Bennet wants to keep his daughters alive, and Mrs. Bennet wants to get rings on their fingers. We wonder who will win.
- Shmoop side note: this story really is Pride and Prejudice with a dash of zombies, so if you ever feel the need to compare the stories side-by-side, just take a stroll over to our original Pride and Prejudice chapter-by-chapter breakdown. There, you can see Mr. Bennet sharpen his wit instead of his knives.
- Mr. Bennet may be a warrior, but he knows he has social obligations, too. He pays a visit to Mr. Bingley almost as soon as Mr. Bingley moves into the neighborhood.
- Mrs. Bennet is thrilled. Obvs.
- Elizabeth, the second oldest Bennet daughter, is pretty cool with everything, too. She's busy carving the Bennet family crest into a sword.
- Kitty, the fourth daughter, has a bit of cough, which Mrs. Bennet worries will make it sound like she's been stricken with the zombie plague. That's no way to catch a husband.
- But Mrs. Bennet thinks that Lydia, the fifth and youngest Bennet girl, might have the best chance of all.
- Lydia tells her sisters that she's "the most proficient in the art of tempting the other sex." Is that what they teach in between zombie-slaying lessons?
- So, everyone's super psyched about Mr. Bingley, but none of the Bennet girls gets a good look at him until he stops by the house to visit with Mr. Bennet.
- Elizabeth sees Mr. Bingley from an upper window. Sure, he's handsome, but he fumbles with his fancy French carbine rifle. Good luck fending off zombies like that.
- The Bennet girls finally get to meet Mr. Bingley at a public ball. He shows up with his sisters, Caroline and Louisa, as well as with Louisa's husband, Mr. Hurst, and a friend named Mr. Darcy.
- Mr. Darcy sticks out right away because he's tall and handsome and rich. Word also goes around the room that he's killed about a thousand unmentionables (a.k.a. zombies) since the fall of Cambridge. Swoon.
- Okay, but Mr. Darcy's also haughty and arrogant as all get-out. While Mr. Bingley is floating around like a social butterfly, Mr. Darcy refuses to dance or talk with anyone except the friends he came with. #stuckup
- Mr. Darcy even disses Elizabeth Bennet. She overhears him telling Mr. Bingley that she's not cute enough to dance with.
- Oh, those are fightin' words.
- Elizabeth has to avenge her honor, so she pulls a dagger out from under her dress. She's gonna follow Mr. Darcy outside and slit his throat.
- Yup, this chick doesn't mess around.
- But, just then, a horde of zombies bursts through the windows of the ballroom and starts attacking guests.
- As the undead flood the room, the five Bennet girls quickly form the Pentagram of Death and attack the zombies until they've all been beheaded.
- Mr. Darcy can't help admire the Bennet girls' skill and quick thinking.
- Okay, so other than the zombie attack, the Bennet girls have to admit that the ball was really nice.
- That night, when Jane and Elizabeth are alone, they talk more about the ball.
- Jane really likes Mr. Bingley.
- Sure, he's great, Elizabeth says—even if he and Mr. Darcy did just stand there when all those zombies attacked.
- I guess, Jane says, but he danced with me twice. That was pretty dreamy, wasn't it?
- Elizabeth isn't too thrilled with Mr. Bingley's sisters. For starters, they're kind of stuck up. Not to mention they don't really have any clue about defending themselves against zombies. They haven't been trained in both England and China like the Bennet sisters have.
- And then there's Mr. Darcy himself. He's nothing like Mr. Bingley. Basically, Darcy may be rich and well-bred, but he comes off as an arrogant jerk.
- Preach, girl.
- The Bennets' nearest neighbors are the Lucas family.
- Sir William Lucas used to make fancy burial clothes until people stopped dressing the dead in nice things. His oldest daughter, Charlotte, is Elizabeth's friend.
- After the ball, the ladies gather to talk over the event.
- Charlotte tells Mrs. Bennet that she overheard Mr. Bingley saying that he thought Jane was the belle of the ball. Nice.
- The women discuss Mr. Darcy's snub of Elizabeth. Too bad she didn't have a chance to dagger him because of those zombies…
- Charlotte says that maybe Mr. Darcy has a right to be a little bit full of himself. After all, he's rich and handsome and super-skilled at dispatching the undead. It is impressive.
- Mary Bennet chimes in with an observation on the difference between pride and vanity.
- Elizabeth knows that her sister is an unstoppable killing machine, but she's really dull when it comes to making small talk.