How It All Goes Down
- Mrs. Gardiner warns Elizabeth about getting a little too close to Mr. Wickham. Sure, the guy's smoking hot and handy with a musket, but he doesn't have a whole lot of cash in the bank.
- Elizabeth lets her aunt know that she's got it under control. Besides, she's married to her work—zombie slaying.
- Meanwhile, Mr. Collins and Charlotte are married. Yay?
- Mr. Collins is very happy and doesn't seem to suspect that he's marrying a zombie, even though Charlotte's skin is starting to turn pale and she forgets to use her fork a few times at the reception.
- As Charlotte heads off for her new life in Kent, she lets Elizabeth know that she's welcome to come visit in March. Elizabeth agrees. Yay, future road trip.
- Meanwhile, Jane journeys to London with the Gardiners.
- Jane sends letters back home saying that she hasn't visited with Mr. Bingley, but that Caroline has stopped by.
- The good news is that Jane has finally realized that Caroline is a two-faced beeyotch. The bad news is that Jane's not wearing the right dress to kill her right then and there.
- Elizabeth also finds out that Mr. Wickham is chasing after another girl. A rich girl. It's cool, though, because Elizabeth didn't love him; she's not heartbroken or anything.
- Besides, defending England from the zombie menace will always be Elizabeth's one true love.
- Eventually, it's March and time for Elizabeth to take her trip to Kent with Sir William Lucas and Charlotte's younger sister, Maria.
- It's only a 24-mile trip, but the carriage gets attacked by a swarm of unmentionables. Hundreds of them.
- The bodyguards and coachman are killed, but Elizabeth manages to mow down enough zombies to drive the carriage into the walls of London herself.
- There, the Gardiners greet the three survivors.
- While everyone enjoys the charm and safety of London, Mrs. Gardiner invites Elizabeth on a trip to see the Lakes in the summer.
- Elizabeth is super psyched. Just think of the mountaintop sparring she could do in that part of the country.
- The next day, Elizabeth, Sir William, and Maria set out for Hunsford parsonage to see Charlotte and Mr. Collins. Their coachman and bodyguards have been replaced, but they don't run into any zombies on the way. Elizabeth thinks this is because Lady Catherine's reputation precedes her. Even the undead are afraid to go lurking where such a fierce slayer lives.
- At the parsonage, Elizabeth sees that Charlotte looks about three-quarters dead. Her skin is gray and covered in sores, and she can barely talk.
- Luckily, Sir William, Maria, and Mr. Collins are too stupid to notice that Charlotte is rotting away before their eyes.
- The next day, Anne de Bourgh stops by in a carriage to invite the entire party to dinner at Rosings Park with Lady Catherine.
- Looks like Elizabeth will be meeting the greatest female zombie slayer in England sooner than she thought.
- The next day, everyone heads over to Rosings Park for dinner with Lady Catherine and her daughter.
- The house is huge and filled with ninjas, and Elizabeth is pretty excited, too.
- At dinner, Lady Catherine asks Elizabeth about her training in the deadly arts. She assumes Elizabeth has been trained in Japan.
- Nope, Elizabeth learned all her skills in China.
- Well, Lady Catherine doesn't think much of that. The Bennet family must have had ninjas at least.
- No, Elizabeth tells her. No ninjas at all.
- Five daughters trained without any ninjas at home? Lady Catherine can hardly believe it.
- After dinner, everyone plays card games, and Charlotte almost goes to the bathroom in the corner of the room before Elizabeth helps her. (Seriously, Elizabeth thinks, how is no one noticing that this girl is nearly dead?)
- Eventually, they all leave Rosings Park, but Elizabeth is kind of disappointed in Lady Catherine. This great warrior wasn't what she expected at all.
- After a week, Sir William leaves Hunsford, but Elizabeth and Maria stay behind to continue their visit.
- One night, Lady Catherine asks Elizabeth to spar with three of her ninjas. Lady Catherine is sure that her Japanese-trained assassins with take Elizabeth out with ease, but Elizabeth bests them all and, for good measure, rips out the still-beating heart of the last one. This girl doesn't play around.
- Eventually, Mr. Darcy comes to visit his aunt at Rosings Park. In fact, he stops by the parsonage the day he arrives.
- Charlotte thinks it must be a compliment to Elizabeth, but Elizabeth thinks Charlotte must be going mad from all the zombie rot in her brain.
- Mr. Darcy and his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, come by and talk with the ladies for a bit.
- Elizabeth asks Mr. Darcy if he saw Jane in London. He says he didn't, but he hesitates for a minute, which is weird. Hmm…