How It All Goes Down
- The Bennet women soon visit the ladies of Netherfield.
- Louisa Hurst and Carolina Bingley aren't too impressed with Mrs. Bennet, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia. Jane and Elizabeth are okay. For lowly zombie hunters, that is.
- Later, when Elizabeth and Charlotte are talking about Jane and Mr. Bingley, Charlotte tells Elizabeth that Jane better step on the gas with this one. Jane might be a warrior first and a woman second, but no man is gonna stick around if he thinks a lady isn't interested in him.
- Charlotte may be an unmarried 27-year-old who doesn't know how to kill a zombie, but she's got a point.
- Meanwhile, when everyone is gathered for a private ball one night at Lucas Lodge, Mr. Darcy starts to realize that Elizabeth is actually quite foxy. Not only that, but she's also pretty great at dispatching zombies.
- Elizabeth can't figure out why Mr. Darcy keeps lurking around her. She still might kill him for that insult from last time, after all.
- Then, Mr. Darcy asks Elizabeth to dance. Could this guy get any denser?
- Just then, Caroline Bingley comes by and notices Mr. Darcy gawking at Elizabeth. He confesses that he's swooning over her a bit.
- Caroline is pretty surprised. Wow, Darcy is gonna have an interesting life with Elizabeth, she says. He'll have such an awesome mother-in-law, and they can slay zombies by the thousands.
- In case you couldn't tell, Caroline is being sarcastic.
- But Mr. Darcy isn't letting Caroline ruin his little fantasy. Maybe this Bennet chick isn't so bad, after all?
- So, one of the problems with the Bennet estate of Longbourn is that only a man can inherit it. That means the Bennet girls are out of luck when their father dies. It's also a bummer because the house is surrounded by high ground and is hard to defend from the undead.
- It's cool, though, because the girls can walk into the village of Meryton and get news from the militia that's stationed there to fight the zombie menace. Plus, there are shops where you can pick up a cute bonnet.
- One day, a letter arrives from Netherfield inviting Jane to lunch.
- Mrs. Bennet decides that Jane needs to go on horseback. See, it's going to rain, and zombies always attack in the rain. If there's a zombie attack, then the Bingleys won't be able to send Jane back home after lunch. Ingenious.
- Sure enough, a letter comes the next morning from Netherfield explaining that Jane was injured fighting off the undead during the rain, so she'll have to stay at Netherfield for a few days.
- Mrs. Bennet is pretty pleased with herself, but Elizabeth is nervous. She decides to walk to Netherfield to see Jane.
- On the way, Elizabeth runs into three unmentionables, and she skillfully fights them off with only her ankle dagger.
- Of course, that means when she arrives at Netherfield, Elizabeth is a bit dirty. Caroline and Louisa are all scandalized by her behavior.
- Luckily, Jane is okay. She's just a little banged up, and she has a cold from fighting in the rain. No biggie.
- Elizabeth is invited to stay as long as Jane does, and so a servant from Netherfield heads to Longbourn to get Elizabeth's clothes and her favorite musket.
- As Elizabeth dresses for dinner, the Bingley sisters take turns ragging on her.
- Elizabeth really looked awful when she came in all covered in dirt and zombie gore, didn't she? Why walk all the way to Netherfield when she knew the undead would be roaming the countryside, anyway?
- Poor Mr. Bingley tries to defend Elizabeth—and Jane, too—but Mr. Darcy has to agree. The Bennet girls might be warriors, but they're low class. Who'd want to marry them?
- After dinner, everyone hangs out in the drawing room and chats.
- Elizabeth reads a book and finds out that Mr. Darcy likes reading, too. He also has a sister named Georgiana who's rather accomplished in the deadly arts herself.
- Mr. Bingley says that young ladies are so accomplished these days.
- Mr. Darcy says it's tough for a lady to be really accomplished. She's gotta do a whole list of specific ladylike things that a woman needs to do, including being well-trained in the fighting styles of the Japanese masters and in the modern tactics and weaponry of Europe.
- Elizabeth wonders if Mr. Darcy knows any accomplished women at all with a checklist like that. From what she's seen, women are either socially refined, or they're killing machines. Not both. Oh, snap.
- After this, Elizabeth leaves to check on Jane. Jane's cold has grown worse, so Mr. Bingley sends for the doctor.
- Hopefully the doctor's good at fighting off zombies.
- In the morning, Elizabeth sends a note to Longbourn, and Mrs. Bennet and her three younger daughters show up to check on Jane, who's doing way better.
- Mrs. Bennet thanks Mr. Bingley for his kindness and explains that Jane learned to be so patient and long-suffering while she trained with Master Liu in the confines of the Shaolin Temple in China.
- Mr. Darcy happens to make a comment comparing the country to the city, and Mrs. Bennet promptly snaps at him.
- The country is obviously better, Mrs. Bennet says, because there are fewer graves here for the undead to rise from. Plus, they just built that huge wall around London to keep out the zombies. It's like a fortress. It's not fit for ladies.
- Mrs. Bennet is so harsh that even Elizabeth has to defend Mr. Darcy.
- Lydia changes the subject to balls. She reminds Mr. Bingley that he's supposed to throw one at Netherfield, and he agrees. As soon as Jane is better, it's on.
- When the Bennet ladies leave, Elizabeth heads right back up to Jane. The Bingley sisters get their gossip on about Mrs. Bennet and her daughters, but Mr. Darcy's just not feeling it.
- The next day in the drawing room, Caroline watches Mr. Darcy write a letter, but her constant interruptions are more obnoxious than the groans of a hundred unmentionables. He's so not into her.
- Elizabeth sits in the corner cleaning her musket and can't figure out why Mr. Darcy keeps looking at her. Then he asks her if she thinks she might like to dance again.
- Um, nope.
- Mr. Darcy has never met anyone like Elizabeth. If her family wasn't so weird, he might actually consider falling in love with her. And if he wasn't such a skilled warrior himself, she might actually kick his butt.
- The next day, Mr. Darcy and Caroline are walking on the grounds of Netherfield when Caroline starts mentioning Mr. Darcy's crush on Elizabeth. This girl is next-level jealous.
- Just then, Elizabeth and Louisa run into Mr. Darcy and Caroline on their own walk.
- Louisa joins Caroline and Mr. Darcy, and Elizabeth goes off on her own. Mr. Darcy protests, but Elizabeth says it's no big deal. There might be zombies along this path, and she doesn't have the energy to fight them off today. Peace out.