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Physical Danger

Let's start with the dangers that don't involve hazardous substances. First, understand you'll be hauling kids around on your hip like sacks of flour. Really, it's the only way you can keep some of them from breaking the sound barrier with their excruciating shrieks. At some point, however, three-year-old Little Johnny who weighs 80 pounds will give you a pulled muscle. If that doesn't sideline you, prepare to be bombarded by toys thrown by toddlers with better arms than NFL quarterbacks. While the kids are probably not throwing the toys at you directly, you're in the category of “collateral damage.”

Assuming you survive these concentrated assaults, you better break out the hazmat suits. It's time for the projectile vomiting attacks, which seem most prevalent after the afternoon juice and cookies breaks. You do like the color purple, right? Good, because it won't wash out of the new designer tee you wore to impress that handsome single dad who's picking up Little Susie in an hour.

However, that's not the worst of it. You've heard a rumor about an evil intestinal virus making its way through local day care centers and kindergartens. Yep, it's gotten to your place, as you discover during the middle of afternoon playtime. With no warning, a sweet-faced toddler dribbles foul-smelling emissions out of his pants leg as he gleefully runs toward you. You watch in horror as the floodgates open and the traveling diarrhea spews out. You can't decide whether to get some paper towels or take him outside and hose him off on the sidewalk. Then you see a little girl start to leak, and you watch helplessly as her light blue shorts turn an ugly rust color. No problem—she simply takes them off. Your day just went down the toilet.

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