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Bell Curve


First Year Analyst. Salary: $110,000 or less 

You let leak an internal memo on a merger where the acquirer was going to pay a fifty percent premium to the stock price of a target. A bunch of your mom's friends bought the stock at $20 and were shocked to learn that they (and you) were being indicted and likely convicted of all kinds of bad things when the stock was bought at $30 six weeks later. Your eventual defense is, "Oops."


Third Year Analyst. Salary: $145,000 

You've been at this career for fewer years than you prepared for it in business school and are already burning out. It's probably for the best anyway; you weren't accepted to a top-tier business school and the bank you work at isn't exactly clamoring to keep you around. Hey, you were warned about playing those Kanye MP3s too loudly.


First Year Associate. Salary: $170,000 

You have an okay career at a mid-level bank. You're on track to retire at fifty with five million in savings, and have big plans to someday live a simple life following The Grateful Dead on tour with what's left of your brain.


Vice President. Salary: $450,000 

You've been made vice president at your bank just six years after earning your MBA from Harvard; and with the sort of money you're bringing in these days, it's getting easier and easier to focus more on the "vice" part of your title than the "president" part. Las Vegas was built precisely for people like you, and no, that's not a good thing.


Department Head. Salary $2,500,000 

You're a department head. What department? The Rolling In Money department. Sure, most of that money comes from bonuses, and bonuses can be risky, but the numerous zeroes across your paycheck haven't run away yet. You probably spend more time thinking about how to spend money than actually earning it. And that's just how you like it.