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Bell Curve


On your very first production at a doggie-day-care-by-day-theatre-by-night, in which you invested $10,000 of your parents' money, you get sued for using a Britney Spears song with irony. Little did you know Britney and her team see no irony in anything she does.


You've moved up to directing in a rat-infested space off-off-Broadway, when a D-list reality television star signs on as Cleopatra. Though the production is terrible, TMZ leaks that there is a nude scene in the second act, so you make enough to pay yourself $100.


While working on an obscure Russian drama about a half-minority half-paraplegic religiously-persecuted ex-stripper candy striper named Sasha, you get a call from a foundation that supports exactly that cause. They donate $250,000 to put your billboard up in Times Square. Suddenly, you get moved to an off-Broadway theatre and the show is a big hit.


Now that you're a name in New York, you’re finally qualified to work out of town. You're never home, your relationship falls apart, and your dog doesn't recognize you. However, you're making bank and changing the lives of little old ladies in Boise.


The playwright who penned your first production has rewritten the show as a musical and added vampires; suddenly, it's the hot ticket and gets a full Broadway production. It stars the entire cast of Glee and Chuck Norris. Before you know it, it's picked up for a movie deal, and will make you royalties for the rest of your life.